A Mind Spread Out on the Ground

This chapter focuses on the author’s experience getting pregnant in high school. The title, “Weight,” refers to both the physical weight of pregnancy and the figurative weight of bearing life as a teenager living on a reservation in Canada. After a year of dating her long-time crush, a young white man named Mike, Elliott has sex with him and immediately feels that she is pregnant. She confirms her pregnancy at a walk-in clinic when she is a month overdue for her period and begins readying for adoption. Elliott details the burden of the pregnancy, the judgment she faces from others in society, and the patronizing behavior of professionals such as the woman who connects families to adoptable babies. When the woman pushes Elliott to disclose her family history of mental illness, Elliott feels very uncomfortable and upset, having never told Mike about her mother’s mental illness. Mike is with her at this meeting and decides they should leave when Elliott becomes upset, and Elliott ultimately decides to keep the baby after this incident. This adds to the concept of “weight” as the burden of her mother’s debilitating mental illness falls on the family, who keep it a secret and don’t even discuss it amongst themselves.

The narrative jumps forward to Elliott’s time trying to balance being a college student and mother. She feels unable to integrate with her classmates because she can’t stand the thought of being judged for being a teen mother. She chooses to distance herself rather than endure that potentiality. Elliott notes that the ramifications of teen parenthood are different for Mike. His guilt is more bearable, and this adds the dynamic of sexist double standards to the theme of “weight” in this chapter. Ultimately, the chapter ends with Elliott visiting her child at Mike’s mother’s home and hearing them say what sounds like “mama,” which makes her feel that the burdens of motherhood are worth the sacrifice.