A Piece Of Cake: A Memoir

Cupcake was nervous to call Venita, but Venita was happy to hear from Cupcake. She spent time telling Cupcake everything she, as a sponsor, expected of Cupcake. Cupcake was to attend daily meetings, phone a woman to talk to each day, phone Venita each day, be willing to do whatever it took to stay clean, and to surrender herself to a higher power. Cupcake was most afraid of having to call women, as she oftentimes struggled to relate with them, but Venita explained that she needed to get comfortable calling people so that when she wanted to use, she had the courage to call. Cupcake received daily encouragement from Daddy and Uncle Jr., and when it was time to leave the center, she bravely asked Mona to take her back in. Mona happily agreed.

Cupcake enjoyed talking to Venita for hours at a time on the phone. Venita understood everything Cupcake was going through and walked her through her fears and suggested strategies Cupcake could use to stay clean. Cupcake found that as long as she only went out to attend meetings, she told herself she could use tomorrow “but not today” (366).

Going back to work was difficult and Cupcake felt embarrassed at first, but she was welcomed with open arms and her work improved immediately. Cupcake moved out of Mona’s place because she couldn’t be around other people who did drugs. Cupcake prayed, asking for help with finding her own place. A few days later, Cupcake found an ad for a small cottage she could afford, and she was accepted. Cupcake danced around her new apartment, happy to finally be succeeding. She prayed for help with getting furniture and some dishes, and sure enough, a couple of coworkers offered her some dishes and a television. Later, Cupcake got a call from Uncle Jr., who offered to bring over some old furniture. She couldn’t believe that all her prayers being answered was simply a coincidence.

Cupcake continued to attend meetings and enjoyed the sense of belonging and acceptance she found there; however, Cupcake felt like she was missing her old friends because they knew her in ways that other people didn’t. She started hanging out with Tommy and another friend named Rose, with whom she used to use drugs.

Venita warned Cupcake that if she had any doubts about having addiction issues, she would not be ready to recover. Cupcake lied and said she had no reservations, but her actions soon proved otherwise. One day while at Dairy Queen with Tommy and Rose, Cupcake grew impatient waiting for her banana split. She started yelling at the teenage girl who was working there before hopping over the counter to make her dessert herself. All the while, she was throwing things, wrecking things, swearing, and yelling. When Cupcake told Venita what she did, she again lied and said that she wasn’t thinking about alcohol or drugs at the time. Venita lectured Cupcake for a long time about acting her age and learning to control her behavior. She also told Cupcake to apologize to the Dairy Queen employees in person, which proved to be an exercise in humility.

When Cupcake was 69 days sober, she went to celebrate with Rose and Tommy at a club. She convinced herself she wouldn’t need to drink or even crave it. Inside, however, the cravings came back almost instantly, and Cupcake managed to tell a story about being able to drink white wine only. Her friends bought the excuse, and Cupcake not only drank white wine, but several other people’s drinks and several hard shots, all the while telling herself that these were not indications of an alcohol use disorder.

When she awoke the next morning on her couch, covered in vomit and her own urine, both she and her friends were embarrassed for her. Cupcake called Venita expecting to be yelled at, but instead Venita understood. She reminded Cupcake that relapses can happen, and she encouraged Cupcake to just try again. Finally, Venita reminded Cupcake that humility would allow her to ask for help and admit her problems. Cupcake decided that she “wanted to spend the rest of [her] life awakening” rather than coming out of hazes (391), and she promised both herself and God that she would never again use another substance.

Cupcake listened to Venita’s advice and went to four meetings the day after her relapse, accompanied by Rose and Tommy. At each one, she announced her status as a newcomer (due to relapsing). At the fourth meeting, Cupcake spotted a handsome man who kept smiling at her. She approached him afterward and found out his name was Brett. They connected quickly and spent four hours on the phone together the following day.

Brett kept calling, even though he was still in rehabilitation, and Venita warned Cupcake that relationships and recovery don’t mix. Cupcake found Brett so calming and gentlemanly that she was unable to pass him up, so Venita conceded and told Cupcake not to give herself over to any man. Cupcake fell in love, and Brett started sending flowers. The first time he sent flowers to Cupcake’s work, she was shocked, having never received flowers before.

With each passing day, Cupcake felt more and more grateful for the people who were now surrounding her in life. She became pregnant and had one more abortion, which she swore would be her last. Cupcake and Brett kept dating, and he kept sending flowers. He would hold the door for Cupcake and treated her like a lady, something she wasn’t used to it. Venita told Cupcake to accept the love she was being given because she deserved it. Cupcake also finally got the courage to take an HIV test and was thankful to learn that she was negative.

Cupcake dealt with her desire to use substances or drink in different ways, like calling a friend, crying, sitting on her hands, or praying. She continued dating Brett, but Brett relapsed repeatedly, and eventually Cupcake had to make the difficult decision to leave him. She also left Tommy for good and learned “how to trust God with everything” in her life (405).

Thinking back on her life experiences, Cupcake realized that she must have survived because God was protecting her. She learned to be grateful for that, and for herself. Cupcake grieved her mother and everything else she went through as Venita held her and allowed her to cry. Cupcake discovered that the real her was quiet and often preferred to be alone, and she slowly grew to love her appearance, too. When Connie called for seemingly no reason, Cupcake had a chance to tell her how much Connie and her mother’s actions hurt her.

Two years later, Cupcake was a changed person and still sober, but she had a lot of growth left to do. Venita asked Cupcake what her dreams were, and Cupcake thought back to when she was very young. She remembered asking Daddy about Santa Claus and bombarding him with question after question, eventually getting him to admit that Santa wasn’t real. He then told her she should become a lawyer. Cupcake maintained that dream until her mother died, and then for over a decade she forgot about it.

At 27 years old, she made the bold decision to go back to school knowing that she would have to start from the beginning in most of her classes. An exam at a community college proved her suspicions, but she aced English, which boosted her confidence. Cupcake had to exercise humility and ask for help as she began her math studies from the very beginning. Five years later, Cupcake graduated with honors and set her sights on university.

Cupcake was accepted to San Diego State University and fought through her doubts and fears as she entered the school. Cupcake quickly made friends with two of her professors, one of whom told her she had prosecutorial skills, and the other of whom told her she should share her life story with the world. Cupcake had never considered such a thing, but his insistence inspired her to find the courage to go on national television and talk about her experiences.

Cupcake quickly found that others were inspired by her. At the same time, Cupcake overcame her reservations toward judges when her professor introduced her to his friend, Judge Brown. Cupcake also had to take a tour of several prisons, and found visiting death row to be the most impactful moment. Cupcake graduated university magna cum laude, surprising herself but nobody else.

Cupcake began studying for the Law School Admission Test (LSAT) by taking a course and studying every day and night. Her teacher told her that she would have to change her way of thinking to pass, but others in Cupcake’s life reminded her that her thinking had gotten her this far. After trying to take the exam and knowing she failed, Cupcake felt like giving up, but Venita insisted she try again. The second time, Cupcake was three points above the requirement for entry to law school. She applied and, against the odds, she was accepted.

Cupcake panicked before starting law school, so she reached out to the woman in charge of special admission, Carol. Carol was startled by Cupcake’s panic at first, but they developed a quick bond as Cupcake made visits to Carol regularly during school.

Cupcake had doubts all throughout the first few months but learned to rely on herself and her own courage to work through them. She was in the top of her classes. Cupcake started interviewing for summer positions and got an interview at one of the most prestigious firms in California. Her professors banded together to pay for a new suit for the interview, and Cupcake walked in with confidence.

She got the job, and when she graduated, there was a party held with almost 100 guests in attendance. Cupcake was moved by how many people were there just to celebrate her success. At the graduation ceremony, Cupcake received the “Judge Harold J. Haley Award for Exceptional Distinction in Scholarship, Character, and Activities” (460).

Cupcake kept in touch with many of the people who supported her during her life, like Daddy, Uncle Jr., and Ken, and she reconnected with Fly, who also left the gang. She lost touch with many others, but states that she will forever be grateful for what they taught her. Venita is still Cupcake’s sponsor and talks to her all the time. Cupcake learned to forgive everyone who wronged her, most importantly herself.