All This Time

“When we get to the house, I stand there in the rain, clutching the cardboard box from the hospital to my chest. Inside are my dress shoes, the tattered remains of my suit, and the charm bracelet hidden somewhere in the mess, those unclaimed links that will never be filled.”

These lines feature items that symbolize what could have been. They take on new meaning after the tragedy. The charm bracelet symbolizes Kyle’s love for Kimberly and their unresolved conflicts. The use of the word “tattered” captures both the state of Kyle’s torn suit and his chaotic emotions and psyche. The rain creates a tone of ominousness, highlighting Kyle’s Grief and Guilt.

“I slow down as I walk along the path, taking in each headstone while I put off my destination. Mothers, fathers, sons, grandparents. Even kids.”

Often, human beings are most scared by their mortality. The graveyard, filled with “[m]others, fathers, sons, grandparents,” reminds Kyle that he’s not alone. Death is a part of life, and many people die too soon.

“I don’t know if my eyes are playing tricks on me, but I swear on my good leg that the grass looks greener over there. It’s a stupid metaphor, but I need an excuse to get away from our bench and this clawing feeling in my chest.”

In this moment with Marley, Kyle identifies the cliché of the grass always being greener on the other side. It is fitting both metaphorically and literally. Kyle is on a journey toward rediscovering himself and finding happiness again. The greener grass is waiting for him on the other side. At this point, Kyle isn’t quite ready to embrace this, as he is still grappling with Grief and Guilt. However, these lines foreshadow his future happiness.

“If I learned one thing from what happened with Kim, it’s that I’m definitely no prince. And love is not a fairy tale, no matter how perfect the story sounds. I don’t believe that anymore.”

These lines capture Kyle’s guilt and his desire to blame himself for the tragedy of Kimberly’s death. He holds himself responsible for the demise of their relationship and the car accident. Kyle is still near the beginning of his character arc; over time, he will shift from pessimism and despair to believing again in both himself and love.

“‘The audience,’ she says. ‘Without an audience, a storyteller is just talking to the air, but when someone’s listening…’”

Marley captures why she writes. She appreciates the audience above all because she can feel the connection of someone listening. This quote emphasizes Marley’s loneliness; it reveals that she needs an imagined or invisible audience to feel heard, highlighting that she lacks people to speak to in real life. The quote also highlights a metafictional idea: Writers don’t just create stories in a vacuum. If this is true for Marley, then this is also true for Daughtry and Lippincott.

“You were always trying to fix things instead of thinking about why they were broken. It’s hard to build anything if the foundation has cracks.”

Kyle’s mother tells Kyle how he missed out on understanding Sam and Kim. Kyle’s desire to fix things is a control mechanism. In not asking why something is broken, Kyle doesn’t try to understand others. The basis of his friendships have not been as strong as he has thought. His mother uses the metaphor of construction to help Kyle think about how he can be a more present friend.

“Our eyes lock, and I know this isn’t friendship. All my excuses fall away. I don’t think about if it’s wrong or right or anything. I love her. I love her like the man in the moon loved that girl.”

This quote highlights the importance of trusting in intuition. If Kyle were to continue fighting the feelings he has for Marley out of some sense of loyalty to Kimberly, he would be using Kim’s death to punish himself. Instead, he should honor Kim by living. These lines capture an important development: Kyle no longer wants to live safely by avoiding pain or risk. He understands that life can end in a moment; he should live for his present and future instead of for his past.

“ She closes the gap and we kiss, and it’s a rush of everything all at once: her face framed by the flurry of cherry blossom petals, her eyes the day we first met, a waterfall of pearls.”

This quote emphasizes the novel’s symbolism. Marley and Kyle communicate through flowers. Through them, Marley speaks to Kyle in ways she may be uncomfortable voicing in words. The waterfall of pearls refers to Marley’s story about a woman finding love with the man on the moon. They symbolize the beauty of finding love in an unlikely place. Unlike his description of his relationship with Kim, Kyle narrates his intimate moments with Marley using imagery. This highlights the more genuine connection he shares with Marley.

“I mean, who gives people flowers based entirely on their meaning? Who else has a small army of popcorn-loving ducks ready at their beck and call?”

Kyle describes Marley’s childish and sweet nature. Her communication through flowers and her affection for ducks emphasize her kindness. This positions Marley as a paradigm of goodness, one that Kyle wants to have in his life.

“Finally, on my fifth run, it lifts smoothly into the air. I whoop as the string slides through my fingers. The kite tugs right and left, the wind making it dance across the cloudy autumn sky.”

The kite that Kyle flies in his coma represents his resilience and perseverance. It takes Kyle five tries to get the kite sailing, demonstrating that sometimes it takes a long time and practice to accomplish something beautiful. This makes flying the kite a meaningful endeavor.

“I pull her close as the nightmare fades, the images of the car accident and the bloodred rain finally dissipating, drifting away, replaced with what’s real.”

Marley pulls Kyle away from his nightmares, showing that she is necessary to his sense of safety and growth. These lines also capture Kyle’s pain, still vivid after the accident. The imagery of “bloodred rain” embodies Kyle’s trauma and fear around triggers like rain and storms, which evoke the tragedy. Though he is on the road to recovery, Kyle still struggles to come to terms with the accident.

The lines “replaced with what’s real” are also laden with irony. At this time, Kyle is still in a coma.

“‘Always forward,’ I say as I reach up to clap him on the shoulder, knowing that our friendship will stretch and change for years to come, but if it didn’t break after all this, it never will.”

Kyle has started using his mother’s advice as a mantra, saying it until he believes it. His friendship with Sam has been tested, but the ultimate test has been coming together after a tragedy. Their relationship is resilient, like the two of them. Kyle has learned that relationships change, but he is confident that he and Sam can always be friends. This shows character development and personal growth.

“The entire room spins. I grab on to the rail on my bed, my breath seizing. I shut my eyes and wait for it to subside, to come back into reality like always. I must have really hit my head, because this flash is bad. More real than any of the others.”

Kyle is transitioning between his dream world and reality in the hospital. He is traumatized from losing his coma-induced life, where he couldn’t feel the full extent of his pain. Waking up is a traumatic physical experience that parallels the depth of his emotional suffering.

“‘Kyle, your life is here,’ Dr. Benefield says, giving my shoulder a squeeze. ‘Your friends, your mom, have been in this room every day, waiting and praying for you to heal. Perfect or not, they love you.’”

Upon awaking, Kyle struggles with letting go of the perfect life he had dreamed of in his coma. Dr. Benefield represents the voice of reason. She points out that life is not meant to be perfect. Kyle’s fantasies were unreal because they were flawless. In an imperfect world, Kyle is still loved. Kyle searches for perfection when he should accept and appreciate reality. Dr. Benefield’s words push him to grow.

“This girl I loved, one of my closest friends, brought back to life as if by magic. It’s a complete miracle, and I’m such an asshole because it also feels like I’ve lost someone all over again.”

Kimberly’s survival feels ironic: Kyle had mourned her death for so long, but in reality she was alive and Kyle had been the one closer to death. When he wakes up from his coma a new tragedy occurs: He now he has to mourn Marley after just having gotten over Kim’s imagined death. This is especially upsetting for Kyle because he can’t be happy that Kim’s alive. Kyle essentially replaced Kim with Marley; now he is forced to confront his past with Kimberly, which he had thought was behind him.

“I remember our relationship before. Before the accident. Before Marley. The charm bracelet. Always trying to patch the holes instead of looking at what was making them. Not this time. This time we have to deal with it.”

These lines call back to what Kyle’s mother said, about how Kyle is always trying to fix things instead of understanding the problem and the people in his life. Now, Kyle realizes that the charm bracelet was not a symbol of his love for Kimberly, but rather of how desperate he was to control their flawed relationship. He used the bracelet to “patch the holes.” In his dreamworld, Kyle learned that he fixes things without looking at why they’re broken. He is unwilling to continue this pattern, indicating his growth.

“But would she have made it up for me, made up a whole life for the both of us, if she didn’t wish in some way it could be real?”

Kyle struggles to come to terms with Marley’s distance. He can’t accept that she doesn’t feel for him the way he feels for her. On the one hand, this indicates his controlling personality. On the other, it highlights the depths of his feelings for Marley. These lines also comment on the power of storytelling. For Kyle, life shouldn’t be about pretend, whereas for Marley, storytelling is a form of escapism that helps her cope.

“No. I shake my head and sit up. I told her to come when she’s ready to talk to me. If she hasn’t come yet, it means she isn’t ready. Or… maybe it means everyone was right.”

Kyle grows in realizing that he must be patient with Marley’s process, and let go of his desire to control the people in his life. Marley is traumatized by her sister’s death and pushing her to talk to him violates her boundaries. Kyle is in a uniquely odd situation, one that his friends and mother can’t understand.

“So, not knowing what else to do, I bend over and pick up a snail, moving it out of harm’s way while I just stay with her in the silence. Waiting. Hoping she’ll talk to me when she’s ready.”

Daughtry and Lippincott revive the symbol of the snail. Marley relates to snails because they hide. Kyle is determined to be available to her so that she no longer has to hide in her own way. Marley picks up snails to save their lives, reflecting her kindness and empathy. Kyle helps Marley save them, reflecting his own compassion. This also shows his desire to save her after she’s saved him.

“The circles around her eyes, the bright hazel I remember, still tired, dulled. I want to take this weight from her, but she has to give it to me. I know that now.”

Marley is physically characterized by her internal conflict. Descriptors such as “tired,” “dulled,” and “weight” emphasize her emotional burden. Marley is traumatized, lonely, and depressed. Kyle genuinely wants to be there for her, but he has learned that he needs to give Marley the space to warm up to him on her own. This quote emphasizes Kyle’s character development; he isn’t forcing Marley to engage with him.

“Marley begins to laugh. It’s infectious, working its way around the room until we’re all doubled over, a new memory forming, real and wonderful.”

This quote illustrates Marley’s growth. Her guard is coming down and she is opening up to the possibility of joy. Kyle is ready to let go of the dreamy memories he has of her, which are fantasy, and to embrace the real Marley. He acknowledges that being alive means having hope to create new memories.

“‘She hit her head, but the bleed was light and the scans don’t show any sign of massive trauma,’ Dr. Benefield says, pushing her glasses up onto her head, her eyes sad. ‘She should be waking up, but it seems she doesn’t want to.’”

When Marley is in a coma, Marley and Kyle connect once again through a similar experience. The difference is that Marley had been present for Kyle’s coma, giving him a reason to come out of it. Marley’s coma also seems self-induced. There’s no medical reason for it, and the implication is that she wants to die. Marley’s suicidal ideation is indicative of her trauma and depression.

“‘She told stories. Happy stories,’ I say as I imagine that worn yellow notebook full of her writing, not knowing where the fairy tales ended and our memories began. It doesn’t matter, though. It was all real to me, every page a part of my life with her.’”

This quote emphasizes Marley’s identity as a writer and the importance of storytelling to her character. Marley’s stories are happy, a stark contrast with her depression. Ultimately, Kyle decides that the blurred line between memory and fairy tale doesn’t matter; fairy tales can be as real and important.