Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed

Carolyn Bessette was the wife of John F. Kennedy, Jr. John was regarded as “America’s Prince” his whole life (4), and Callahan claims that Carolyn charmed him by giving him orders, setting boundaries, and treating him like an equal when no one else ever had. Personal and business failures dogged John’s life, and he did not learn from them because of his privileged background. Handsome, rich, and well-connected, he nevertheless endured media scrutiny that gleefully discussed the failures of his business endeavors, like George magazine, which ran for only two years before going under. People, especially his loved ones, saw him as spoiled and mercurial. He was a daredevil and didn’t mind putting others in danger. In 1986, he almost killed his girlfriend Christina by forcing her to go sea kayaking with him in dangerous currents in Jamaica, threatening to break up if she refused. She later learned that he was dating actress Daryl Hannah at the same time.

Though John was careless, narcissistic, and neglectful of others’ needs, he cared deeply about what his mother, Jackie Kennedy, thought of him and his endeavors. Carolyn saw this need for approval and became another female figure whom he sought to impress. Overlooking his more toxic traits and darker qualities, she focused on bringing out generosity, resourcefulness, and charm in him. She used her artistic skills as a former model and designer to help with George. Throughout her career in New York at Calvin Klein, she attracted and dated wealthy, powerful men. John was her “white whale,” but friends of both John and Carolyn doubted that they would stay together. He was self-absorbed, and she was emotionally abusive at times. Their relationship lasted, but Carolyn dramatically transformed her image to “fit” as John’s partner. Despite her efforts, their marriage was rocky from the beginning. John coerced Carolyn, like Christina, into doing something dangerous: He received his pilot’s license in 1999 and wanted to fly them to a wedding in Hyannis in a small plane. He was overconfident that he could fly even with a broken foot, which was a dangerous task. Carolyn doubted it and worried about the flight.

The second half of “Icons” focuses on Jackie Kennedy, beginning with her experience of the Dallas car ride on November 22, 1963, when her husband John F. Kennedy, Sr., was assassinated. Aware that the crowds along the street wanted to see her as much as him, John left the convertible open and asked Jackie not to wear sunglasses. She was waving to the crowd when he was shot in the head, and she remembered nothing about the next few seconds except their Secret Service agent Clint Hill sheltering her with his body as they sped to a hospital. While there, waiting for news, Jackie noted that the men in the room “were losing their composure” (27), while she stayed calm and took charge of the situation, even shoving past a nurse who tried to keep Jackie out of the trauma suite. Throughout his younger life, John was often sick and spent many lonely days in hospitals, so Jackie swore never to leave him alone in a hospital.

The story then flashes back to 1956. Jackie, an elegant socialite, married Jack for love, though she appreciated access to the Kennedys and their loyalty to one another. She was from a broken, abusive home and appreciated their “clannishness.” John did not win the nomination for vice president on the Democratic presidential ticket. Jackie, who was seven months pregnant, had miscarried her first two pregnancies and was terrified of losing her third. She begged John to stay with her after his failed vice-presidential run, even though he had planned a pleasure cruise with his brother Ted and Senator George Smathers. All three were womanizers, and Jackie knew that John wasn’t faithful. She tolerated it even though John had likely infected her with sexually transmitted infections, which may have caused her miscarriages. This one time, though, she begged him to stay with her.

John refused and left for the Mediterranean. She had a stillborn daughter via cesarean section. Robert F. “Bobby” Kennedy, one of John’s other brothers, visited her, saying that John, who was in the Mediterranean, was unreachable. This was a lie: Bobby had told John, and he refused to return. Jackie was devastated. She recalled her uncomplaining support throughout all of John’s many illnesses, and for the first time, she contemplated divorcing him. She buried the baby on her own, with only Bobby for company. John returned to her only after George told him that he had to go to Jackie if he ever wanted to be president. Jackie, after talking to a friend in newspaper publishing, realized that he’d never be president if she divorced him. Her “dutiful nature” led her to stay with John. Media rumors abounded that his father had paid Jackie $1 million to stay in the marriage. This myth cast Jackie as “shallow, self-absorbed, and willing to sell her soul” (40), even though John’s cruelty had separated them in the first place.

Back in 1963, in the aftermath of the assassination attempt, Jackie pushed her way into the hospital suite and then prayed at the foot of John’s bed until a doctor informed her that he had died. She embraced his body, noting that his eyes were open and that he looked “as handsome as ever” (42). Two priests delivered last rites, and then, finally alone in the room with John, Jackie kissed his naked body everywhere in a last act of love and to be “the last to possess him” (42).

Mimi Beardsley and Diana de Vegh were White House staffers. Mimi, a 19-year-old starting her first job in 1962, was painfully aware of her inexperience and awkwardness. She was delighted when John F. Kennedy, Sr.’s close friend Dave Powers invited her to drinks with the president, presenting it as a welcome party for new staffers. She attended, relieved to see two other girls there. This seemed unusual, but she figured that this “young, good-looking, cool” president naturally did things differently (45). Later, though, John separated her from the group and, while showing her Jackie’s bedroom, pushed her down on the bed and started taking her clothes off. Shocked and numb, she let it happen. He penetrated her and, within three minutes, finished and abruptly left. Reflecting later, she didn’t know how to define it. She didn’t scream or struggle but didn’t say yes either. She became his sporadic partner, invited to the White House private residence only when Jackie was away. She became proud of being the “president’s favorite” (50).

In 1958, John met Diana at a fundraising dinner. After striking up a conversation, John began inviting her to fundraising events. Diana became his “hype woman,” captivated by his attention and respect for her opinions. He slept with her after a few months, and she became his affair partner, believing that she was the only one. Both she and Mimi looked up to Jackie and felt guilty and anxious at betraying her. Both had joined the political sphere to follow her example of powerful, iconic American womanhood. However, they found John’s charm irresistible, and being chosen by this powerful, brilliant man was entrancing.

The women began noticing disconcerting things about him. Obsessive about cleanliness, he sometimes showered five times a day. His promiscuity was staggering, and the quick, compulsory sex, devoid of affection, suggested a deep-seated dislike of women and even sex, as if he considered both dirty. Mimi’s inexperience and hero worship kept her from realizing that she was a distraction at best, “a concubine or a house pet” (55), not a lover. Before he even became president, Diana noticed that he never ignored a phone call when they were together, and if she was impatient, he reminded her of the campaign’s importance. Both women realized that John could be “a real sadist” (56). He often reveled in their discomfort, stringing them along and emphasizing the power imbalance. Mimi believed that she was special and chosen, while Diana knew that nothing would ever come of her relationship with the president, but he still “had a hold” on her (58).

Marilyn Monroe, a famous actress and sex symbol in the 1950s and 1960s, met John F. Kennedy in 1954 at a party in Los Angeles, where he often found “his latest prey” (61). They were instantly drawn to one another, both incredibly charismatic and desired but with “damaged foundations” from extensive childhood trauma. Marilyn, however, wanted true intimacy: real love and, crucially, respect. Though she was still married to baseball star Joe DiMaggio when she met John, the marriage was faltering. Joe derided and isolated her, physically abused her, and gave her the silent treatment for weeks at a time. She divorced him and quickly formed a relationship with playwright Arthur Miller.

Eager to advance her intellectual goals, Marilyn enjoyed Arthur’s circle of friends, which included many independent, intellectual women like Harper Lee and Carson McCullers. After they married, however, the same problems began: Arthur enjoyed pursuing Marilyn but not being married to her. He derided her intelligence, stating that she “embarrassed” him. John provided refuge from Arthur’s contempt and enjoyed Marilyn’s sensuality. He never assumed that her “compliance with men, the baby-doll whisper” meant that she was stupid (68). He associated her feminine mannerisms with his wife, Jackie, who was highly intelligent, and his talent for surrounding himself with the “best and brightest” made her feel seen and admired.