Being Henry: The Fonz . . . and Beyond

“It got my attention. And taught me a big lesson. Laughs were all well and good, but the work was always to be taken seriously.”

Winkler describes how he tended to use humor to defuse emotional tension and reduce his anxieties. This backfired. An actress called him out for not taking the acting session seriously, making him realize that he needed to approach his work with more gravitas. Later he again tried using humor and deflecting questions; he failed again and was forced to confront his anxiety.

“But I made a vow then and there that this would never happen to another actor I was on a set with. Nobody I worked with would ever have to feel as alone as I did.”

Winkler was left alone briefly and thought that his acting company had left him. He felt left out before they appear again. As a result, he wanted to make sure that co-stars on his projects were not ostracized and felt supported by him. This shows how he used sadness and hardship in his life to help others. For example, he also used his experience with undiagnosed and untreated dyslexia as a child to help children with dyslexia gain support.

“And so this wise eighteen-year-old taught this theater-seasoned but TV-ignorant twenty-eight-year-old a very important lesson for the rest of my career: a little tolerance, with a sprinkle of patience.”

While Winkler was theatrically trained, he was not aware of the patience required of the entertainment industry. Ron Howard’s advice about tolerance helped Winkler both in Happy Days and in his acting endeavors after the show. It helped him to cultivate patience in his search for acting work and allowed him to enter directing and production as well.

“And I would smoke marijuana and listen to Dan Fogelberg and drift off to a place where I didn’t worry so much.”

Winkler emphasizes how music allows him to escape from stress and when Navigating the Entertainment Industry in Los Angeles. Music continued to be important in his life. Later, he would find more joy in it than escape.

“Fonzie was a great character. I had created him, and with the aid of terrific writers made him subtle and funny and endlessly charming, but he was so great that I was worried about being typecast.”

The character of the Fonz represents Winkler’s legacy and fame. The character is important to him, but Winkler does not want to be defined and limited by it. Through the Fonz, the memoir also examines The Importance of Self-Acceptance; Winkler is still looking for external validation and does not want to lose opportunities outside the show.

“Was it a great episode? Maybe not. But years later, sometime in the mideighties, a University of Michigan college kid named Sean Connolly thought it was so bad that he started using the expression jumping the shark to refer to any outlandish development.”

The quote tells the origin story of the phrase “jumping the shark.” It was in response to the Happy Days episode in which the Fonz jumps over a shark while water-skiing. Winkler highlights both the outlandish and goofy nature of the scene. Winkler did not mind people’s ridicule and found it amusing and remarkable that he got to do a repeat performance on Arrested Development. His response illustrates his laid-back nature.

“Maybe you thought that all celebrities know each other? That there’s a secret celebrity handshake? Oh no. Oh no. While it’s true that stars gravitate toward one another—even stars get starstruck—there are levels upon levels of celebrity, and all kind of unwritten rules about celebrity interactions. And of course, being dyslexic, I never read the unwritten rule book.”

In this passage, Winkler challenges the assumption that all celebrities know each other—and are in with each other—because they are famous. He claims that there are varying degrees of fame, and highlights the possibility of awkward situations when Navigating the Entertainment Industry. Winkler felt that he was on the outskirts of the A list, much as, when a child, he failed to get in with the cool crowd.

“In Episode 238, Ron’s final appearance in Happy Days, Fonzie says goodbye to Richie at the door of the Cunninghams’ house and starts to cry—and the tears in my eyes were real: that was really Henry saying goodbye to Ron.

Ron had gone out and made his way in the world. Now it was my turn to do the same. The only problem was, nobody wanted me.

What that really meant was, nobody wanted me to be anything besides the Fonz.”

The passage illustrates the strong friendship between Winkler and Ron and how hard it was for Winkler to leave the show and pursue other acting ventures. Winkler struggled to find work outside of being the Fonz and took a while before finding acting roles with the Fonz’s longevity and impact.

“The wind, the water, the trees, and that big, big sky—I could feel my blood pressure dropping with each cast.”

Fly-fishing makes its first appearance in this passage, with Winkler describing his trip to Montana after leaving Happy Days. He discovers that being out in nature and fishing is a highly meditative activity, one that helps him to find relaxation and peace.

“When I found out I had something with a name, that I was not just stupid and a dumb dog, I was so fucking angry. All the misery I’d gone through had been for nothing.”

Winkler highlights The Impact of Learning Disabilities and the trauma of being dehumanized and called a dog by his parents. His dyslexia was not understood when he was a child. He feels that he wasted so many moments and years being anxious and berated for something that was not his fault. Eventually, he channeled his anger into the creative act of writing the Hank Zipzer books, allowing him to help and inspire other children with dyslexia.

“Release the negative thought before you put a period on the end of it.”

Winkler used this cognitive strategy to better achieve his dreams. He realized that his negative thinking had caused severe problems for him and made his work life and marriage harder than they needed to be. This shows that he had begun to understand The Importance of Self-Acceptance and started working to improve his mentality.

“The ambivalence will cut off your ability to give your dream life in the universe.”

Winkler realized that being ambivalent and giving up prevented him from accomplishing the things he wanted. To change his life, he fought ambivalent and defeatist thoughts and focused on remaining passionate and hopeful. He realized that he needed to put his full self and efforts into his dream.

“This is how I began taking photographs on my fishing trips to Montana and then Idaho.”

Winkler explores fly-fishing as a motif for meditation and self-improvement. He had begun to go fly-fishing regularly and used photography and nature to remind himself of what he could accomplish. This helped him to overcome his insecurities and realize The Importance of Self-Acceptance.

“I thought I was listening. I wasn’t. I was always so anxious, and it’s hard to do anything when you’re anxious.”

Winkler struggled with anxiety, a regular challenge in his acting. This quote follows his advice to starting actors to listen, thought it also something he had struggled with. By accepting himself and healing his childhood wounds, he started getting out of his own way and regained power in his professional life.

“And even though it was movie conducting, and these kids were playing broken instruments, raising my arms and leading these children to a recorded track moved me to tears. It took me back to conducting Sibelius in my utility closet of a bedroom on West 78^th Street.”

Music appears again, this time as a celebration of the arts. The motif develops from sheer escapism to fond recollections of pretend conducting as a child and watching the Los Angeles Philharmonic with Stacey. His emotions while pretend conducting with the children’s band on Here Comes the Boom show how impactful the movie, crew, and role are to him. The quote also illustrates how far he has come, from being alone in a closet to being surrounded by others in a film.

“Again: trust your tummy, not your head. Your head only knows some things; your tummy knows everything, if you listen.”

This quote highlights the importance of actors and others following their instincts. One shouldn’t think or analyze too much but follow the “tummy.” Winkler struggled in the past to follow his gut because of his insecurity. Following his instincts eventually led him to reject a fried-chicken commercial and join the show Barry with Bill Hader, which won him two awards. His dedication to trusting his instincts shows The Importance of Self-Acceptance, as he gained confidence in his decision-making.

“I don’t separate well.”

Winkler struggled to part with the friends he made on shows, movies, and plays. For example, he was disappointed that he didn’t get to develop a closer friendship with Michael Keaton after Night Shift due to their careers taking them in different life directions. The quote illustrates Winkler’s loyalty. He builds strong friendships with many of his co-stars, including Ron Howard, John Ritter, and Adam Sandler.

“Oh, man. Had I caught up to the cool kids at last?

But deep down I knew that the part of me that was chasing after the cool kids (and never catching them)—that was the part of me that had to change. The ten-year-old in me. Who took up most of the space inside me.

Not so easy.”

Winkler won Robert De Niro’s acceptance. He felt happy that he got validation after trying so hard to get in with people he saw as better than himself. However, as he begun to believe in The Importance of Self-Acceptance, he saw a need for change. He must love himself as he is, regardless of his status or what others thought of him.

“How could she resist answering this perfectly normal, perfectly innocent (I thought) question from me, the charming Henry Winkler?”

Winkler tried to deflect and appeal to his therapist to ease his anxiety. She resisted and asked how his question—about whether she had children—was relevant. He found it odd that his attempts to use humor and small talk did not work. He realized that he couldn’t use humor and charm to cover up his anxiety and insecurity.

“I slowly realized there was still a lot of little boy in me, desperately trying to make everyone in the world love me, because my parents didn’t seem to. The little boy who knew less than everyone else.

I had to cut that idea off my bones with a bowie knife. I had to saw that little boy out of my being.”

Winkler became aware of how his childhood wounds lingered as a result of never feeling loved by his parents. He realized that to improve his marriage and his relationship with himself, he must heal his childhood wounds. He uses a metaphor, where his childhood self becomes a tactile, concrete being that he must “saw” from himself.

“It was hard work, drilling all that concrete.

I knew there was a wall, but I didn’t know what it consisted of. So slowly, slowly, I—we—started breaking it down. Not being able to be intimate. Wanting to be perfect. Not being able to handle that I was not who I wanted to be or thought I wanted to be. Needing to put my problems on the other person—that was a big one. In any given situation, I couldn’t clearly see my responsibility to the problem at hand. I had trouble telling myself, ‘You know, it doesn’t really matter what the other person is doing. What are you doing?’ When you stop looking outside yourself, clarity comes like cream to the surface.”

Winkler describes the difficult work with his therapist where he confronted his deepest hurts. He realized that his inability to look inward hindered his ability to try things. He concludes that he needed to work on himself before looking outside of himself. Winkler calls back to the image of his real self being trapped under concrete. He describes the wall blocking off his authentic self as a tactile entity.

“People come up to me, and I go up to people. I walked up to Joaquin Phoenix at the SAG Awards. He said, ‘I can’t believe I’m meeting you.’ I said, ‘You can’t believe you’re meeting me! You!’ He said, ‘Summer, come here.’ His sister. ‘How important was this guy when I was growing up?’ he said. Oh my God.”

After worrying for a long time about the Fonz overtaking his acting legacy, Winkler focuses on The Importance of Self-Acceptance. He realized that many of the actors he held in high esteem, such as Joaquin Phoenix, thought fondly of the Fonz and respected his cultural impact.

“No matter where we come from, no matter what the color of our skin is, we all want exactly the same thing. We want a house, we want food to eat. We want our children not to be malnourished and die from hunger. We want clean water.

We want love.

I have had all these things—and still have them—in abundance. And my gratitude is abundant, too.”

Winkler reached a point in his life, at the time of writing the book, where he was satisfied with himself, his belongings, and his life. He realized how similar all humans are at their core, how they want the same things even with their differences. After fighting with himself, Winkler became content with his life and focused on what he had.