Bewilderment

Theo and Robin take a cab to their modest chain hotel. They visit the Museum of Natural History, and Robin obsesses over the “parade of skeletons” (151). Back at the hotel, Robin shows Theo his creation: a long banner depicting the devastation of the natural world with the slogan “LET’S HEAL WHAT WE HURT” (151). On the reverse of the banner is a more optimistic collage, emblazoned with Alyssa’s prayer that calls for all beings to be free from suffering. He plans to display the banner somewhere following Theo’s presentation. Theo is impressed. Later that night, Robin asks his father about the people who viewed his videos. Theo confesses that some people who watched the video may have been mocking him and apologizes to his son. Robin dismisses Theo’s concerns and gestures that “all is good” (152).

The breakfast buffet thrills Robin, and as they plan their day, a woman interrupts them. She recognizes Robin from the videos and compliments his work. Theo can’t help but respond curtly.

The panel meets to assess the need to fund research in Theo’s scientific field. Theo sits in the crowded room and listens to the long speeches, while Robin sits beside him and sketches. Despite the informed points that scientists and engineers deliver, the politicians continually dismiss the project as overfunded and overambitious. They break for lunch, and Theo incorporates Robin’s most recent sketch into his presentation slides. Theo delivers his presentation that afternoon. As the politicians ask him questions, he realizes that the funding is certainly in peril. The members of the ruling political party view the possibility of extraterrestrial life as just another repudiation of their religious, isolationist, anti-immigration policies.

After the presentation, Theo feels dismayed. He walks around the city with Robin, who tries to comfort his father. They pose as one of Theo’s more hopeful colleagues takes a picture of them. A crowd of other colleagues begins to form and then expands to include tourists and passersby. When they turn the banner to the more optimistic side, people cheer. People recognize Robin from the internet videos. They sing songs, share food, and take photographs. They take turns holding the banner. Robin is “in heaven” (157). Two police officers arrive, and they’re heckled by the crowd of excited teens. Robin and Theo try to reason with the officers while the teens continue to display the banner. The officer complains about crowding the sidewalk without a permit. Theo resents their sour mood and the new political climate that positions the officers as extensions of the President. The officers tell the crowd to disperse, and Robin’s banner falls. In the confusion, the dispersing crowd tramples on the banner. The officers treat Robin roughly, and when Theo shouts at them, they arrest him.

The officers handcuff Theo in front of his son. Both are taken in the police car, and Robin watches as Theo is processed and charged with a crime. He has little choice but to accept the charge and pay the fine. Afterward, Robin is ecstatic. He assures Theo that “your wife loves you” (159).

As Theo and Robin travel home, the country is in a state of heightened security. Their connecting flight from Chicago to Wisconsin is continually delayed. Every person’s phone receives a message from the President claiming that he will “DEFEAT defeatism!!!” (160), while the television screens show drone poisonings on the Upper Plains and the militarization of the southern border. Interrupting Theo’s work, Robin touches his arm and proposes a theory: Just as Currier’s machines rewired his brain, the news networks are rewiring the brains of everyone else. The airport cancels all the flights, and the crowd reacts angrily.

Robin and Theo eventually return home. Robin attends his session with Currier, and Theo attempts to “put out a rash of fires” (162) at work. Robin takes his father on a birdwatching trip, a favorite pastime of Alyssa’s. As they watch the birds, Robin explains his theory that humanity isn’t yet evolved enough to search for human life. They see a flock of cranes passing overheard, and Robin notes that they evolved from dinosaurs. He wonders how humans could even recognize alien life when “we can’t even know birds” (163).

Theo and Robin imagine the distant planet of Similis, where a giant computer has replaced the inhabitants. This computer now stores all their consciousness.

On Robin’s 10th birthday, he brings his father breakfast in bed. Later, he attends a session with Currier, but he wants to walk to the lab. Theo indulges him, and they make the two-mile journey on foot. Theo plans to ask Currier again for a chance to interact with Alyssa’s scan. However, when they arrive at the lab, they learn that the staff has cancelled the session. Currier explains that the authorities have told him to halt all experiments. Theo realizes that Robin’s sudden fame has rankled the government, which has responded by cutting funding. He worries what will happen to Robin without treatment.

Robin takes the news in a philosophical manner. For all of Theo’s worries, Robin assures his father than he will be “a hundred percent good” (167).

One fall day, Theo finds Robin drawing in the backyard. He’s secretive, as though the notebook has something to hide. Three days later, Theo checks his son’s notebooks. Beneath an abstract drawing, Robin has written a note, imploring himself to “remember what she feels like” (169).

Robin reacts with an unexpected anger when Theo tries to wake him one morning. He blames a bad dream. They spend the day together and, that evening, Robin asks his father to read him a poem, just as Alyssa did every night to Chester the dog. Theo reads a long poem, and Robin worries that he doesn’t understand it. Trying to make his son feel better, Theo asks whether they should “look for a new Chester” (170). Robin is noncommittal.

Theo hits a squirrel with his car while Robin is a passenger. The incident causes Robin’s “first meltdown” (171) since the end of his sessions with Currier. Robin resists all Theo’s attempts to calm him and, that night, refuses to eat. Theo wakes up to find Robin next to him, worried that he’s reverting to his previous emotional state like the mouse in Flowers for Algernon.

Theo must work even harder to homeschool Robin. They agree to make excuses to Alyssa’s family to avoid large holiday gatherings during the winter months. Theo notices that his son is reverting to his old behaviors and tells “white lies” to encourage Robin to concentrate, suggesting that Currier’s research might resume. He occupies Robin’s time with a school project: Using the leftover paper from his banner, Robin must sketch the timeline of life on Earth. The project helps Robin. While making dinner, Theo listens to the news. The litany of environmental catastrophes makes him swear, and Robin overhears him. Theo tries to downplay the incident. However, later that night, Robin steals a computer and reads the news about a deadly virus killing cattle. The information causes him to have an episode: He bangs his head against the wall and then runs out of the house. When Theo reaches him, Robin collapses in his father’s arms. He weeps and desperately pleads with the world to stop. Theo tries to console his son, who admits that he doesn’t want to go back to being his former self. When Theo tries to recant Alyssa’s prayer, Robin tries to change the words to “may all life. Get free. From us” (175).

One day, two representatives from the Children, Youth and Families Division of the Department of Human Services interrupt Theo’s work. They ask about the bruise on Robin’s head and his homeschooling. Once Theo sends Robin out of the room, the representatives reveal that they’ve received a tip about a potential abusive situation. Theo realizes that the government is set to “intervene” (177) in Robin’s case. After the representatives leave, Robin returns and hugs his father. He apologizes for his worry that he’s ruining his father’s life.

The virus that killed so many cows mutates. The mounting disaster continually pushes back the Presidential election. It finally happens in March, and the same President is re-elected.

Theo imagines a planet called Xenia, whose inhabitants have been trying to contact Earth for thousands of years. However, they’ve never received a response.

By spring, Robin’s personality has completely reverted. This time, however, he feels as though he has failed his father and all other creatures. Theo is so distressed that he turns to medication to help Robin. Before the treatment begins, he organizes another camping trip. Theo plans to schedule a doctor’s appointment for Robin when they return.

Robin is restless on the drive to the cabin. He talks about Alyssa constantly and scours a book about wildflowers so that he can work on a new treasure hunt, which his father sets up for him. He must find and draw all the entries on a list of wildflowers. Robin finds it hard to contain his emotions.

Theo and Robin return to the same cabin. They hike and search for wildflowers. Robin sketches his findings, but his artistry skills have diminished along with his control of his emotional state. Very quickly, Robin completes Theo’s challenge. As they hike, Theo receives messages on his phone. He checks them without looking: His funding for his research project is dead, as “the newly reelected President had killed it with glee” (183). Theo doesn’t tell Robin, who only wants to visit places that his mother visited many years ago. As they hike toward the stream they visited the previous year, Robin notices a change in his father’s demeanor. He worries that his behavior is the source of Theo’s concern, so Theo tells him the truth. Robin is distraught and worried that “everything’s going backward” (184). Theo struggles to disagree.

Theo and Robin reach the campsite beside the river. As Robin asks his father for permission to play in the water, Theo is still thinking about the cancellation of the project that has been his life’s work. His “judgement [is] shot” (185). They linger in the icy water a while until a heron lands near them. Robin affects a stillness, mimicking the bird. The heron catches a fish, Robin yells out with glee, and the bird flies away. Robin turns to Theo and says, “Mom’s here” (185). They hike to the rapids, where they were the previous year, but Theo is horrified to discover that someone has removed all the rocks from the river and piled them in an artistic fashion. These cairns destroy the habitat of the local wildlife, he explains to Robin. Together, they knock down the towers and place the stones back in the water. Robin wants to knock down more of them, but Theo is too exhausted. Robin agrees to stop—but only if he can work the cookstove while making dinner.

Robin cooks dinner at the campsite beside the river. As they lie down in the tent that night, Robin quizzes his father about the size of the universe. They search through Theo’s list of imagined planets until the sound of some creature interrupts them. Robin finds the sounds enchanting and asks Theo, “[C]an you believe where we are?” (188).

Theo remembers the camping trip that he and Alyssa took on their honeymoon. He recalls the sounds they heard together.

Theo awakens during the night as Robin slips out of the tent, assuring his father that he’s fine. He makes the familiar gesture that all is well, so Theo goes back to sleep. When he wakes up later, the silence and Robin’s absence worry him. Theo exits the tent and searches for Robin by the light of the moon. He hears a sound from the stream and runs toward it, slipping on a wet stone beneath the water. After hurting himself, Theo clambers back up the river and finds that Robin has been dismantling the cairns. Now, Robin is shivering and can barely speak. Theo gathers him out of the water, wrapping his son in his own wet clothes to keep him warm. He yells out but knows that no one is close. Robin turns blue as Theo wraps his arms around his son. He leaves Robin on an island in the stream, grabs the sleeping bag from the tent, and wraps it around Robin. However, despite his efforts, Robin dies.

Theo imagines a planet that dies of loneliness.

Theo gets compassionate leave from his job. He spends days with Robin’s friends and relatives after the funeral, but he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. As he sinks into a deep depression, the ecological decline continues around the world. The cattle-killing virus spreads to humans. After ignoring messages for a long time, he receives one from Currier: “[I]f you’d like to be with Robbie, you can be” (193).

Theo visits Currier’s lab, knowing that Currier is breaking the law by offering this treatment. Soon enough, Currier won’t have a lab at all. Theo undergoes an MRI, just like Robin. Currier loads a scan of Robin’s brain, and Theo learns how to mimic his dead son’s emotional state. At Currier’s invitation, Theo returns every day and learns to master the machine.

Eventually, Theo’s work in these sessions makes him feel as though his “son is there” (195). By extension, Alyssa is also there. Theo feels close to both. He feels like he’s exploring the universe with his son. They explore planets from Theo’s index together.