Does My Head Look Big In This?

Amal’s four girlfriends are all loyal, caring, and understanding. Although they come from different backgrounds (Leila’s parents are Turkish, Yasmeen’s mom is British and her dad is Pakistani, Simone is a white Christian, and Eileen is Japanese), what unites them is their maturity, solid character, and compassion. Because Leila and Yasmeen are Muslim, they naturally understand what Amal is going through without needing an explanation. Additionally, Leila is experiencing troubles of her own, which connect to her religion only marginally; her mother believes Leila should abandon school and marry at 16 as she did, while Leila is ambitious and academic and would like to study law. Leila finds it impossible to change her mother’s mind (and she has no help from her self-centered, delinquent brother, Hakan). She finally runs away from home in a desperate attempt to create a life she wants to live on her own, and she only comes back once her mother has agreed to allow her to study, without the threat of an involuntary marriage.

With Simone and Eileen, Amal feels she must explain her decisions and actions so that they have a clear idea of why she behaves the way she does, and sometimes she feels reluctant to share things with them for fear of them being labeled as “Muslim stories.” However, both her non-Muslim friends show empathy and willingness to accept Amal whatever her choices are. Eileen connects with her because, as a child of Japanese immigrants, she understands the pressures from a traditional home. Simone, on the other hand, knows what it means to feel like an outsider due to her perceived weight problem (which her own mother unhelpfully perpetuates, as she believes only thin girls will find love), so she comprehends Amal’s occasional sense of separateness or isolation from others. Amal’s four friends show us how important it is to have supportive and understanding friends. Friends who are in some way like us, but who also have their own lives and perspectives, and can help us to see things from a different viewpoint. Amal also gives a lot of energy and emotion to her friends, and the five of them all transform into more mature and enlightened young women.  

As supporting characters, Adam and Josh play particular roles in the novel, which help illuminate Amal’s character and give her added insight into her own process of growing up. Adam is a young white Christian boy who lives with his father and stepmother, his mother having left the family and started a new one in the Netherlands. He is athletic but also academic, as he wants to become a doctor, but he does not know or understand much about Amal’s religion or the diversity his country offers. In this sense, the author uses his character to show us that many white people of Australia, although mostly well-meaning and polite, do not really comprehend how different life is for the ethnic and religious minorities.

This is not unusual: Most majorities everywhere in the world frequently lack sensitivity or knowledge about how various minorities live. Through Adam’s journey from liking Amal and attempting to kiss her, to his anger at being rejected and frustration for not getting what he wants, to a young man who gains a new and deeper understanding of the world around him, the author shows us that people can change if they are open to change. Adam’s arc tells us that we should strive to understand others even when their behavior is hardly comprehensible for us, because through empathy we learn to appreciate different perspectives.

Josh, on the other hand, is Jewish, and even though his family is not Orthodox but secular (belonging to a religion but not observing it strictly), he understands Amal’s journey because Jewish people have been experiencing a terrifying history of displacement and isolation from ancient times (and most notably during the World War II Holocaust). The author makes their relationship even more significant culturally because Amal is Palestinian: Jewish and Palestinian people have been at war with each other for decades. The conflict stems from claims over the disputed territory of Israel (which was an ancient Jewish land populated by Palestinians, who were then removed from it after World War II so that the Jewish people would have their own state).

Precisely because of their cultural histories, Amal and Josh become friends: They understand each other’s religions and customs, and they understand isolation and discrimination. Josh is the only person in Amal’s new school who appreciates her choice to wear the hijab because Orthodox Jewish women wear wigs to hide their hair. The author additionally makes Josh a sympathetic character by having him fall in love with Simone, therefore dispelling the damaging idea that her weight is an issue and that she will never find love because of it. Josh is a young man who sees beyond the obvious, and he shows that with both Amal and Simone. 

Mrs. Vaselli is Amal’s elderly Greek next-door neighbor. The author initially depicts her as a stern and forbidding presence, a woman who lives on her own and does not like to communicate with her neighbors except when she has a complaint. For this reason, Amal avoids her, especially after she has accused her of being a secret smoker. Amal’s mom, who always empathizes with people who are not easy to deal with, decides to be a good neighbor, and convinces Amal to start communicating with Mrs. Vaselli by bringing over a turquoise shawl as a present for her birthday. Although the elderly woman behaves curtly and is brusque with Amal, it is clear from the start that she enjoys her company, and Amal, after a while, surprises herself by realizing that she too enjoys Mrs. Vaselli and her stories, and even her gruff manner.

Mrs. Vaselli left her native village in Greece when she was 14, as she married a man who wanted to make it big in the promised land that was Australia. As the woman shares her life story with Amal, about her difficulties with the language (she still speaks broken English), and culture in Australia, with being poor and having several miscarriages before giving birth to her only son, Amal begins to understand that all immigrant experiences have similar points. When a person leaves one’s own country, be it by force or in search of a better life, they have to go through a hard period of adjustment, and they often have to choose whether they will adapt and assimilate to their new country, or whether they will continue their homeland traditions. Mrs. Vaselli’s life is somewhere on the cusp of the two extremes: Even though she and her husband have managed to find a decent life by opening a fish and chip shop, the woman has remained loyal to her Greek Orthodox faith, which has caused her to renounce her son when he married a Jehovah’s Witness and converted.

As Amal and Mrs. Vaselli develop their friendship, they help each other view their lives from a different perspective: Mrs. Vaselli teaches Amal to stand up for herself, and Amal helps Mrs. Vaselli overcome her cultural pride and renew contact with her son and her grandchildren. The author shows us that regardless of age, a person can overcome their fears and prejudices and change for the better. 

Gulchin is the mother of Amal’s friend, Leila. She is Turkish, and even though she has lived in Australia for many years, she has refused to adapt to the new country and its culture. She is strict with Leila and overindulgent towards Leila’s brother, Hakan, because this is part of her cultural background. The Turkey she remembers is a country of toxic patriarchy, where the role of women is only to start a family and serve their husband, and the role of men is to preside over everything. Gulchin cannot grasp why her daughter Leila behaves the way she does, because she sees Leila’s academic aspirations as a betrayal of her upbringing, disrespect for her family, and even more importantly, she sees it as dangerous for her daughter.

She believes that if Leila behaves like other Australian girls she will prove that she is shameless, she has no honor, and that she will bring a disaster upon herself and her family. The author utilizes Gulchin’s character to show that many people choose to remain isolated within their own narrow idea of what is acceptable, and that idea usually comes from their earliest upbringing and the cultural environment in which they grew up. This is damaging not only to themselves but also for the people around them, because they self-righteously believe in their truth and refuse to see reality as it stands. Gulchin thus firmly believes that she is behaving according to Islamic law, ignoring that she is perpetuating an outdated, dangerous cultural pattern, rather than observing her religion, which has a more relaxed view on many things. 

Gulchin’s insistence on pressuring Leila to abandon school and marry leads to Leila’s decision to run away from home. Leila believes (as does Amal) that her mother is hypocritical in allowing her son to do whatever he wants (he drinks, takes drugs, and does no work), while at the same time restricting Leila in living her life as a typical girl. However, the significant thing regarding Gulchin’s character is that, similar to Mrs. Vaselli, she comes to understand that even though she deeply believes she knows what is best for Leila, she must learn to allow her daughter to live her life the way she wants to. Thanks in part to Amal’s mother who knows how to approach her without antagonizing her, Gulchin realizes that she would rather not lose her daughter than stick to her ideas and beliefs. This character change demonstrates that even though they might need help to understand it, most people will learn to set their priorities right.