Felix Ever After

Felix’s father notices that his lights were on until five in the morning and asks if he was talking to somebody, saying that he used to stay up late talking to Felix’s mom. He asks Felix if he’s practicing safe sex, which triggers Felix’s gender dysphoria.

Felix goes to school early to paint. Declan tells Felix that his painting is good. Jill reminds the students that the end-of-summer gallery is coming up, but Felix cannot focus with both Marisol and Declan sitting so close. He tries not to stare at Declan while wondering if Declan will recognize his voice from the phone. Ezra is out sick, and grandequeen69 messages Felix saying that he has no friends without Ezra. Felix is not sure if Ezra is really sick or if he’s actually upset with Felix.

Leah asks Felix out to lunch and compliments his art. Hazel says that she doesn’t think Felix’s art is that good; when she says that it feels good to say the truth, Felix wonders if Hazel is the troll because the troll said something to the same effect.

Leah tells Felix that Marisol is going through a hard time with her father, but Felix does not forgive her. When Felix suggests that they stop looking through people’s phones to find the gallery wall troll, Leah says that they will not give up.

Felix approaches Declan at lunch and awkwardly thanks him for complimenting his painting earlier. That evening when Declan calls Lucky, Felix is sad that Declan doesn’t bring up their conversation at lunch. Declan asks Lucky for a secret, and Felix talks about his 476 drafted emails to his mom. In return, Declan reveals how his emotionally abusive dad disowned him when he came out as gay. Declan lives with his grandfather now and doesn’t have his parents to pay for his college tuition. Felix sobs upon hearing this, feeling grateful for his own father. He asks Declan why he broke up with Ezra, and Declan says he always thought Ezra was in love with Felix.

Ezra gets over his cold and wants to celebrate. Felix wonders if Ezra is in love with him and, if so, why he is dating Austin. Felix meets a very drunk Ezra at Stonewall; Ezra says he broke up with Austin. Felix figures out that Ezra was staying with his parents and assumes it means Ezra needed a break from him. Felix usually doesn’t like to dance, but he’s tired of watching and never participating, so he joins Ezra. When a slower song plays, Ezra rests his head against Felix, who thinks Declan is probably right. Felix is elated when Ezra asks him to come over. Ezra explains that he didn’t like Austin that much and that he felt hurt about Felix’s relationship with Declan but realized it was immature.

Ezra has finally decorated his apartment with real furniture. They talk about how much they’ve missed one another. Ezra recounts his break up, which ended with Austin throwing breadsticks at him. They laugh uncontrollably. Felix admits that he’s jealous because he hasn’t had his first kiss or love, which Ezra already knows, but the admission is imbued with new meaning given Declan’s claim. Ezra asks to kiss Felix and, when Felix consents, gives him tips on how to do it. Ezra gets a boner and rushes to the bathroom; Felix immediately fears the awkwardness of the situation and runs out to the stoop. Ezra follows him, admitting that he’s wanted to kiss Felix for a long time and that he can’t control his feelings. Felix is angry but thinks to himself, “underneath that anger is fear. Ezra and I—we’d make so much sense” (258). Felix is paralyzed by fear of their relationship ending, of Ezra realizing he doesn’t love Felix anymore and then leaving, just like Felix’s mother left. Felix says he doesn’t want Ezra’s love. Ezra regrets telling Felix how he feels.