Game Changer

At the beginning of the novel’s final section, Ash wakes up from his shift into a girl, back in his original body. This transition marks a final turn in his character arc, in which he started passive then, as his perspective developed and his identity literally changed, he learned to change the world around him by taking action. This last section focuses on closure, with narrative tension building to a climax and all major plot points resolved. Ash’s development concludes on an optimistic note, and his character seems to now align more closely with his mature narrative voice.

The theme of Gray Morality is explored in depth in the final few chapters. Ashley’s memories of her relationship with Layton, for instance, paint the latter in an ambiguous light:

[M]y memories [of Layton] were a confusing mix. Some were actually warm fuzzy things—the kinds of memories that make you smile. But those good memories were riddled by the bullets of the bad ones. Harsh, secret things that are hard to share even with your closest friends (322).

This ambivalence continues up until the point when Layton attacks Paul and tries to kill Ashley at the end of the novel. Ash points out that “most abusers aren’t assholes in wifebeaters who smack their bitch around because ‘she deserves it.’ [...] They’re funny and charming, and genuine and respectful, right until the moment they’re not” (322). Through his/her relationship with Layton, Ash learns to empathize with Katie, whose complex emotions he initially does not understand. Throughout the previous shifts, Ash bluntly encourages Katie to leave Layton, emphasizing that she has a choice. However, through living as Ashley, Ash now realizes the complex nature of an abusive relationship and grasps that Layton’s true power over Katie lies in manipulation.

In the end, Ash knows that Katie will stay with Layton at least temporarily, because “[n]o matter how awful your boyfriend is, you don’t walk away from him while he’s in intensive care” (383). Ash is certain, though, that Katie would “break up with him at the right time” (383), thus highlighting Katie’s mounting struggle to reconcile her loyalty and her self-preservation. The narrative does not offer a clear moral stance on that ending. Ash wonders whether Layton’s fate is “tragedy or karma” (383). Incidentally, framing disability either as divine retribution (for Layton) or as a symbol of martyrdom (in Ash’s case) can be viewed as an ableist narrative trope. Once again, the novel’s ambiguous morality encourages the reader to exercise critical thinking. It also suggests, as Ash’s character arc illustrates, that although it is necessary to be aware of the consequences of one’s actions, learning can only happen through making mistakes and constantly trying to grow.

Finally, the narrative loops back to the beginning. Ash’s hopeful final words conclude the football motif: “I know I’ll never be on a defensive line again, but that’s okay. I think I’ve graduated to a much more exciting game. I’m ready to tackle whatever the world throws at me” (386). These concluding words echo the young protagonist’s claim in the first chapter that “this story begins and ends with football” (2). The novel’s structure at the end further parallels its beginning with callbacks to the red-versus-blue motif, which was introduced to depict the first shift and now reappears as Ash travels back to his original universe. The Edwards, who multiplied over the course of the story, have now merged—only one remains, perhaps reflecting that all of Ash’s Identities and Perspectives have also realigned. Ash points out, however, “[T]here are parts of my multiple selves that will never be reconciled” (386). That said, Ash then describes the balance between different perspectives as the “tension in the cables that makes a bridge strong” (386). The narrative thus suggests that identity is constantly evolving and only made stronger through empathy and curiosity.