Gender Queer: A Memoir

The book’s final section follows Kobabe from 2016 to the present day (2019, when the book was published). The anecdotes Kobabe shares in this section emphasize that LGBTQ+ Self-Discovery and self-expression is an ongoing journey rather than a destination to be reached. Kobabe wishes to live authentically and be perceived as nonbinary but struggles with asserting eir pronouns and is afraid of potential conflicts others might start over eir identity. Kobabe begins wearing pronoun pins so that others can immediately see eir pronouns when talking to em. Still, Kobabe fears being perceived as an “asshole” for bringing it up or otherwise being seen as “too political.” It is common for LGBTQ+ identities, especially for transgender and genderqueer identities, to be made into politically polarizing topics by nontransgender people. An example of this occurred earlier in the book when Kobabe’s aunt said she thought transitioning was rooted in misogyny. Since the book’s publication in 2019, Kobabe struggles not only with eir family’s reactions but also the political climate in the United States, where transphobia and anti-trans legislation are becoming more widespread.

While Kobabe struggles with a difficult conversation with her aunt, many family members validate and care for em. Phoebe and Amila continue affirming Kobabe’s identity and supporting em, which is especially meaningful since they are LGBTQ+ too. Kobabe’s cousin Faith tells em that she’s happy e is in the family and will be a nonbinary role model for her new child. Eir mom helps em through the second, traumatic pap smear, illustrating her love for her child even if she does not always understand eir identities. Together, Kobabe’s family members demonstrate the importance of Family and Acceptance and the value of home as a safe, affirming space.

Kobabe is armed with scientific knowledge about gender from Touching a Nerve but still needs metaphors and creative language to communicate eir feelings to others. Eir metaphor of “mild physical pain” (212), comparing misgendering to the feeling of a rock in one’s shoe, is eir go-to for explaining eir need for new pronouns. While it’s validating for Kobabe to have biological explanations for eir feelings, dense, scientific knowledge does not remedy eir issues with acceptance. This emphasizes the need for art, metaphors, and colorful language to articulate feelings surrounding LGBTQ+ identities. Metaphors and similes offer em the easiest way to communicate these feelings to people who do not experience them.

Kobabe includes another visual shift to illustrate eir self-acceptance and finding community: eir wardrobe. E favors plain jeans and solid-colored, unassuming T-shirts for most of the memoir. The only time e dresses differently is when dressing as Johnny Weir for Halloween or wearing male costumes in drama club, instances where dressing differently is normalized. These more outlandish clothes give em gender euphoria, and eir move in this section toward colorful clothing and florals is a statement about eir identity. Clothing is an issue for many transgender and genderqueer people since clothing is heavily gendered and few pieces of clothing are considered gender-neutral. Plain jeans and T-shirts are some of the few gender-neutral options available. Kobabe’s clothing before this section tends to match or complement the panels’ background colors. When Kobabe reveals eir outfit on Page 235, the background is white space that allows eir outfit to stand out. Dressing in such a way requires bravery because it marks em as visibly LGBTQ+. This is why it is a “small but meaningful victory” (235) when e does so; small because it is simply a clothing choice, but meaningful because e is claiming agency over eir appearance and not hiding eir identity. The last pages mark a complete arc for Kobabe, in which e resolves to come out to eir students.