If I Ever Get Out of Here

“Look, I don’t know you, really, and you make your own choices, but me? I don’t do things to make life harder on myself. Trouble’s going to find you often enough without you seeking it out.” 

George is slowly becoming friends with Lewis, and early on in their friendship he already begins supplying Lewis with sound advice. Oftentimes throughout the novel, Lewis does or says something that draws undue attention upon himself, causing him problems. 

“But the cost of becoming Paul McCartney would be giving up the identity of Billy Shears for the rest of his life, never being a member of the Shears family again. Could I be a Dear Boy and still be an Indian?” 

Lewis struggles with his identity throughout the novel. He longs to be accepted as one of the other “white” students (that is to say, one of the “Dear Boys”), but he is proud of his Native American heritage. He does not want to surrender one in order to keep or attain the other.

“As much as I hated being invisible in class, I liked being invisible around town. I could be Italian, or even German, and so I didn’t get followed around anymore by store employees who just happened suddenly to be doing inventory in whatever aisle I was in. But every time I felt that liking-it feeling, guilt followed, like a garden slug working inside my belly, leaving its slime trail.” 

The above-mentioned conundrum of being “like everyone else,” and thus, invisible, is further illustrated when Lewis is in George’s presence. It showcases the blatant racism and prejudice with which Lewis must face as a Native American. However, as much as Lewis enjoys not being treated as something negative, he realizes that this only occurs when people do not assume he is Native American. The sentiment of nauseating guilt at enjoying not being considered Native American illustrates the sheer difficulty involved in trying to bridge the gap between white and Native American culture.

“All local pizza places refused to deliver to the reservation, claiming we would try to rob the delivery guy. Probably someone had at one point.” 

Despite all the unfounded prejudice against Native Americans, Lewis doesn’t possess any qualms in pointing out that perhaps some actions might have their roots based on understandable, negative experiences between those outside and inside the reservation. Lewis admits to animosity on both sides of the reservation.

“Albert grinned. ‘Now you see why this is your song, isn’t it? If there is one place you are stuck, it is inside these four rezzy walls, bare insulation and all, so you better not get used to the kinds of houses your friends live in.’” 

Albert instructs Lewis with the improbability, perhaps even impossibility, of ever knowing a life outside the reservation, which corresponds to the novel’s title—the desire for change and escape from the poverty and racism associated with life on a reservation.

“I’d had it with his bullshit. The rez was a small place, so I was stuck with him, but it didn’t mean I had to be his fool forever.” 

Lewis is learning, through his friendship with George, the meaning of what it is to be and to have a true friend. Lewis is increasingly aware of Carson’s opportunistic nature and begins to stand up to Carson’s taking advantage of him. Lewis is developing a stronger sense of self-worth.

“The red planet is like the rez here. That other planet, Venus, I guess, that’s the place your buddy comes from. Now he might lend you albums and you’ll have pizza nicey-nice every now and then, but these planets are still different. And we ain’t got no rez rocket that’s ever gonna get you to that other one, even though I know that’s where you want to be.” 

Venus and Mars are used to illustrate the differences that exist between American society and Native American society on a reservation. Albert is using the metaphor to explain the situation to Lewis, and about the nigh impossibility of ever being able to travel between the two “planets.”

“Fading out steady is better than shifting abruptly, and when Carson asked, I realized more fully that George and Stacey had largely faded out of my rhythm, or I’d faded from theirs.” 

Lewis is finding himself in a similar situation to the one he was in before he befriended George. Again, music illustrates a complex human emotion. Lewis is unsure as to who exactly has drifted apart, whether he began removing himself from the George and Stacey duo or whether George simply was spending less time with him on account of his girlfriend, Stacey. 

“People already have their ideas about who I am, and they were in place long before I set foot in that junior high.” 

Echoing Lewis’ initial observation of blatant racism and prejudice, he attempts to instruct George on this phenomenon, which is a difficult concept for George to grasp initially. George views Lewis’ situation through his own, non-racist lens, and projects these views onto others. In George’s opinion, if Lewis were to behave with others the way he behaves with George, then Lewis would not have problems making more friends.

“The strangers around me made me one of them. It was almost like being home on the reservation, and I let myself enjoy the surging excitement.” 

Lewis experiences the unifying nature of music at a Wings concert in Toronto with George and Mr. Haddonfield. Before the concert, Lewis confronted Summer and Rose’s dislike of him. When the strangers around him at the concert behave civilly and kindly with him, Lewis is able to remark the stark contrast. Thus, this experience further strengthens the thematic element of music acting as a unifying experience that transcends ethnic boundaries.

“For a little while, the three of us stood there, silent, watching the planets. I would never have believed you could see the difference, but there they were, two slightly brighter, and larger, and more colorful stars.” 

Lewis, George, and Stacey are standing in George’s yard very early in the morning before George’s paper route. They are looking up into the still-dark sky, observing the symbolic planets, Venus and Mars. Lewis points out the differences not only between Venus and Mars themselves, but also between the two planets and the rest of the celestial bodies in the sky. If one understands Venus to represent George and Mars to represent Lewis, then George and Lewis’ differences are highlighted but not perceived as negative. George and Lewis “shine brighter” than the other students at school because of the characteristics that set them apart: George’s international background and open-mindedness, and Lewis’ Native American background and heritage. 

“How could anyone make that choice, knowing what their kids’ lives would be like on the reservation?” 

In one of his darkest moments, when Lewis has exiled himself from school to escape Evan’s bullying, Lewis questions someone’s conscious intentions to have children who will struggle to find their place in a world divided between the Other and the Reservation. This is a direct result of his coming into closer contact with Mrs. Tunny, the school secretary, who married a Native American man. 

“There was no way I could explain what this panic was, that almost five hundred years of my people being wiped out by their people had found its way onto my doorstep at last.” 

Lewis recognizes that Evan’s primary motivation for bullying Lewis lies in the racial phenomenon that has existed between European Americans and Native Americans. Lewis sees a parallel between his situation with Evan and the situation his people have had to face for centuries of warfare and persecution.

“I’d been dumped off every day among the white people and forced to find my own way out, encountering indifferent teachers, isolation, and now active violence from Evan. Wild Indians on a reservation had nothing on a mostly white junior high in the way of scariness.” 

Lewis comments on the rumor that white parents use against their children: a threat to leave them alone on the reservation among the wild, uncouth, and barbaric Native Americans. Lewis turns this nightmare scenario around, showing that a similar scenario for Native American youth is not simply a fairy-tale threat, rather it is a reality for him and others like him. 

“CONCLUSION: I could believe all I wanted that offering a reasonable explanation to someone in power would set the world right, that rules were in place so everyone was treated equally. The influence Mrs. Tunny was talking about was as real as the influence the sun had over all the planets, keeping them in their orbits.” 

Mrs. Tunny is advising Lewis against taking open action against the entrenched, institutionalized racist regime that comprises much of the school’s political body. Lewis restates in clearer words what Mrs. Tunny is trying to tell him, and by doing so, he provides the reader with indisputable evidence of the racial intransigence of the school’s leadership (and arguably of white society, in general). Lewis also utilizes the planet motif to illustrate the strength of the institutionalized racism he must contend with.

“If white kids’ parents chose us as their boogeyman, all Indian parents had the specter of the boarding schools—the beatings, the isolation, the rape. It was a seventy-five-year-old ghost, but still one potent enough to me to listen to Albert.” 

Lewis references a racial stereotype that white parents use to frighten their children into behaving properly. However, he counters this unfounded stigma with a verifiable fear that Native American parents can use against their children to get them to behave properly: the past mistreatment of Native Americans during their incarcerations at boarding schools.  

“My team gave me this when I needed it. To show me I belonged to them. You and me, we’re kind of a small team, but we’re a team of two.” 

Albert illustrates, with the gesture of giving his nephew, Lewis, his prized and adored jacket, that Lewis does not have to feel alone in his confrontation with Evan and the school. With this gesture, the reader is reminded of how much of a father figure and mentor Albert has been for Lewis, and how important he is for Lewis’ development and growth.

“I was beginning to understand I had, in the school’s eyes, only become an Indian student when I became a problem. Which meant that your Standard Indian Kid could also be defined as your Standard Trouble Kid.” 

Lewis learns more about the extent of racism at his school. He comes to understand that the school views Native American students as potential problems.

“People don’t believe you about something, even when they should, because the truth involves them too.” 

George realizes what it feels like to tell the truth and not be believed; this is what occurred when Lewis tried to explain to George why Evan disliked him so much. George is able to reflect on the experience and extrapolate it in order to understand why some people might be blind to racism around them. 

“You wouldn’t think that was a big thing, but in that moment, in his willingness to break one of his own weird personal rules for my sake, I was absolutely convinced I’d been right in calling him my first, true, best friend.” 

George and Lewis’ friendship culminates when Lewis learns of everything George did to protect Lewis from Evan. George explained on more than one occasion that to openly fight Evan was not a possibility because of the disappointment and trouble it would create between him and his father. While he wouldn’t break any of his father’s rules, George instigated a confrontation with Evan that resolved Lewis’ difficulty in returning to school. Even with Lewis away, George remained true to Lewis.

“‘I told you you’d change once you seen how that half lived,’ he said. ‘You didn’t believe me before. I hate to tell you, but that road only goes one way. You can’t turn around.’” 

Albert explains to Lewis what happens when a Native American becomes friends with a white person and the difficulty that transpires in having to witness someone close to you possessing things that you can never have. Albert recognizes that Lewis’ behavior toward Albert and Eva has changed since Lewis has been spending time with white people. 

“I wanted to try to navigate both planets, make choices within both worlds, not have to choose one to love and one to hate.” 

In wanting to find a way to exist in both worlds, Lewis is responding to Albert’s aphorism that the road can only go one way. Lewis poses the idea that the two worlds are simply different, and neither one is better than the other. 

“Attending a concert was like being on the reservation in a funny way, a place where everyone gathered there shared the same experience. And even though this was just shared through our speakers, it still felt like that kind of belonging.” 

While sitting in his room listening to the Beatles album from the Haddonfields, Lewis reflects on the inclusive nature of the concert he attended with the Haddonfields in Toronto. The shared experience of the concert carries over onto the record and through Lewis’ home speakers; just like his experience at the concert, Lewis can momentarily put his solitude aside and become part of a group.