If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood

Kathy grew up in North Hollywood, California, the daughter of a father who worked for NBC and a beautiful but unhappy mother. They often moved neighborhoods as Kathy’s mother remarried several times. At age 18, Kathy began beauty school, but her mother announced that the family would be moving to Pacific County despite the fact she did not have a job or support system once they arrived. Kathy transferred her beauty school credits to a local school, but she found it difficult to build a career in the small, insular, rural community.

Kathy was unsure how to achieve her dreams and was often timid. She shared a bank account with her mother to help her pay bills when her mother couldn’t find work. She babysat family and friends’ children for free and always was available to give someone a ride. Her giving nature would often leave her vulnerable.

Kathy’s father died in a workplace accident, and she and her brother were compensated after a wrongful death lawsuit. This allowed her the stability to buy herself a house and begin becoming more independent, but when she soon lost her job, she struggled to pay her mortgage and had to return to live with her mother, who now charged her rent. At her lowest point, she turns to her good friend Shelly Knotek for help.

Despite the pressure of knowing there will be yet another mouth to feed, Dave Knotek is happy Shelly will be having his baby, especially since she is still going through chemotherapy. He considers the child a miracle baby. Shelly does not allow Dave to drive her to the hospital but demands that Kathy drive her instead.

Tori Knotek is born in June 1989. When the family brings her home, they set up a heart monitor and special bed for the baby. Shelly tells everyone that Tori was born prematurely (which is not true) and that she stopped breathing once but that she resuscitated her. Nikki catches her mother smothering baby Tori with a pillow once. After this incident, Nikki and Sami watch their mother more closely.

Sami recalls a birthday that goes horribly awry when Kathy gives Sami a gold necklace. Sami tells her mother it is her favorite gift, and Shelly proceeds to beat her with a belt.

Lara, divorced from Les, receives a call from Shelly, who informs her that she has Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Shelly says she is getting treatment but that her prognosis is grave. Several days later she tells Lara that she has a cancer of the pituitary gland. Lara expresses confusion about how an oncologist could have made such a huge mistake in the middle of chemotherapy treatment. Shelly tells her that her best friend, Kathy, is helping her and watching the kids. Kathy makes an effort to call Lara and keep her informed about Shelly’s treatments and the girls. One day, Lara speaks with Nikki on the phone and hears Shelly berating someone, to which Nikki responds, “Mom’s just mad at Kathy again” (102).

Lara grows suspicious of Shelly’s cancer diagnosis and receives confirmation from an oncologist colleague that her explanation did not seem logical. Lara informs Shelly that she believes she is lying again. Kathy and Dave get on the phone to scold Lara, who reminds them that Shelly has never allowed anyone to accompany her to a doctor’s appointment or chemotherapy treatment, and none of them have ever seen a medical bill arrive at the house.

Kathy’s presence slowly transforms the atmosphere at the Louderback House. As Olsen describes it, “It was slow. Frog-in-boiling-hot-water slow” (105). Without the support of her family and friends, and without money to support herself, Kathy fades away into a shadow of herself. Kathy loses her upbeat spark as Shelly beats her for making a small error. Their arguments often ends with abuse, with Shelly telling Kathy it was all her fault, then apologizing, hugging Kathy, and giving her a handful of pills.

Shelly also gaslights Kathy into believing she has done things Shelly knows she hasn’t done. She accuses Kathy of “sleepwalking” and “sleep eating” by hiding empty food packages and containers around the house. Shelly accuses Kathy of standing naked in Shane’s room one night while sleepwalking. Kathy denies the claim profusely, but Shane sides with Shelly to avoid being beaten. Punishments for Kathy escalate: Shelly kicks her down the stairs, takes away her clothes and underwear, locks her in closets, and restricts her access to the bathroom.

Eventually, Shelly forces the children to punish Kathy as well. Shane is forced to kick and punch her repeatedly, while the girls are told to lock Kathy in a closet when Shelly has company over. This abuse takes a heavy physical toll on Kathy, who loses weight, teeth, and hair. The kids attempt to help her, but she refuses their kindness while looking on them with empathy. 

Dave and Shelly take the family camping and tell Kathy she must ride in the car trunk, which she does without protest. Shelly forces Kathy to sleep under the car rather than in the tent and forces her to sleep in the car trunk the next night. Kathy begins riding in the trunk anytime she goes with them anywhere. Shelly further humiliates Kathy by giving her a bowl cut despite the pride she once took in her wavy hair. Nikki and Sami try to tell her that she looks wonderful, but it is clearly a lie. When Nikki asks Shane why he thinks Kathy allows Shelly to do this to her, he tells her that Kathy is terrified of Shelly.

Shane and Nikki suspect that part of the reason Kathy does not fight with Shelly is due to the pills Shelly is always administering to her. They sneak into Shelly’s bedroom to investigate. They find “a veritable pharmacy with dozens of prescription bottles, including Lorazepam, Nitroquick, Atenolol, Alsace, and Paxil” prescribed by doctors all over the country (119). Shane takes a Paxil and quickly discovers just how easily Shelly could be sedating Kathy, and how all of them may have been drugged by Shelly at some point.

Shane and Nikki continue to bond over their shared misery and fantasize about killing Shelly. Shane’s torture has escalated as well, including a time Shelly taped his wrists and ankles with duct tape, stripped him naked in front of Nikki and Sami, and applied Icy Hot to his penis. When Shane discusses running away, however, Nikki can’t bring herself to leave. Shane tries to run away several times, but Shelly always finds him and brings him home, plying him with the words he most wants to hear: that she truly loves and cares for him.

Shelly decides that Kathy will need to move to a new bedroom to make room for Tori and her crib. Kathy is forced to live in the oil furnace room, a cold, tiny unfinished room with concrete floors. Sami, distraught to see Kathy in such a cramped and ugly space, tries to decorate the room, but Kathy tells her not to do so for fear of retribution from Shelly.

One night, Shelly becomes extremely angry with Kathy over something small. Nikki and Sami watch from Nikki’s room as Shelly forces Kathy to go outside naked in the snow. Shelly and Dave force Kathy to crawl up and down an icy hill for hours until she bleeds from the ice crystals. Nikki’s heart breaks for Kathy, yet she knows that so long as Kathy is here, she is spared from the worst of her mother’s punishments.

Kathy's family is mystified when Kathy does not show up for her mother’s major heart surgery. Shelly informs them that she has run away with a boyfriend named “Rocky.” Kathy’s sister soon receives a letter from her sister with a blurry photo of herself, telling her she is fine.

The Knoteks move to a 1930s farmhouse on Monohon Landing Road in Raymond in the summer of 1992. The house is nowhere near as beautiful as the Louderback house, and Shelly is unhappy about the move.

Sami never understood why they moved, but she initially hopes that the house’s location on a main road will mean less abuse from their mother. Early on in their stay, Shelly instructs Sami to look at the house from all vantage points from the road to see where a bystander might have a view of their house and yard. Shelly reminds Sami that privacy is of the utmost importance in their family.

The house has too few bedrooms and only one bathroom, but the property features a number of outbuildings including a chicken coop, tool shed, barn, well house, and pump house. Dave, whose construction job is five hours away, isn’t around to help fix up the house, meaning the girls, Shane, and Kathy are put to work renovating the place to Shelly’s standards. Shelly instructs Nikki to paint the entire outside of the house using a one-inch paintbrush. Shelly mostly sits inside while the kids work outside.

Kathy’s condition continues to worsen. Shelly does not let her bathe inside, using a hose on her outside all year round and sometimes using bleach on her skin in lieu of soap and covering her mouth with duct tape to stop her screams from attracting the neighbors’ attention. Right after the bleaching, she acts loving towards Kathy, reminding her that this will help her feel better. When Dave questions Shelly about Kathy, Shelly says she is “helping” her to get better. The kids inform him that Kathy is forced to stay in the pump house, which Shelly says is to protect her from their children. Even though Dave knows this cannot be true, he is too tired to argue with her.

One day, Kathy disappears while pulling weeds in the garden. Shelly searches for her and finds her having gone off with a friend to a nearby mall, where she purchased a few new outfits. Nikki is suspicious of how her mother managed to convince Kathy to return to the house. A few days later, Kathy is back to living in the pump house. The girls never see her wear her new clothes again.

Kathy continues to try to escape. Sami’s peer teases her, saying that a classmate’s mom saw a naked woman running around in the Knotek’s yard, and Sami realizes the naked woman was Kathy trying to escape. Sami tells Shelly, who panics but tells Sami to invite the classmate over so she can tell the kid an elaborate story about what her mother actually saw: Shelly, running naked from the hot tub after a wire sparked.

Kathy is forced to stay in the pump house for days and weeks at a time.

Nikki theorizes that Shelly puts Kathy in the pump house not as punishment, but rather because she was tired of Kathy, particularly after her runaway attempts. Shelly fears what Kathy might tell other people if they ask about her.

One day, Shelly leaves the house and puts Shane in charge. Tired of Shelly’s abuse, he unlocks the pump house door and lets Kathy out. Kathy, terrified and untrusting, refuses to leave, even when Shane grows angry on her behalf. Nikki and Shane realize that Kathy has given up all hope of survival.