I'm Glad My Mom Died

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2022

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Symbols & Motifs

Disordered Eating

Throughout the text, Jennette describes a pattern of disordered eating that spans a range of behaviors including calorie restriction, anorexia, binge eating, and bulimia, and Jennette makes clear that her disordered eating both extends from and symbolizes The Desire for Control. Anorexia is an eating disorder that is characterized by a loss of appetite or refusal to eat based on distorted body image and fixation on losing weight. It is a medical condition that can result in death when left untreated. Jennette first hears this word as a child after beginning calorie restricting with her mother. Jennette describes it as her first eating disorder, and she closely associates her food intake with control, growing up, and most of all, her mother.

Binge Eating Disorder is characterized by overeating and a sense of being unable to stop. Beginning when Jennette gains some freedom from her mother in Nashville, binge eating becomes a compulsion that is tied to a sense of emotional emptiness for her. Her binge eating is often triggered by an overwhelming emotional experience, and always creates a cycle of guilt.

Bulimia is an eating disorder that is characterized by distorted body image and fixation on losing weight, coupled with binge eating. In order to combat the weight gain that can be caused by binge eating, individuals with bulimia will typically purge their food by vomiting, sometimes in combination with vomiting, excessive exercise, fasting, or abusing laxatives. Jennette begins throwing up her food in an attempt to reestablish a sense of control after binge eating. She describes it as the third phase of her eating disorders, and its severity leads her to seek treatment and ultimately begin recovery.

Nickelodeon

The cable channel on which Jennette finds fame as a child star is known for its sit-coms which depict perky, funny, and charismatic teenagers facing problems that can be resolved in under 30 minutes. These bright facades conceal the fact that television shows are workplaces in which child actors can experience exploitation, unaddressed mental health disorders, and are exposed to the perils of fame. Jennette’s memoir reveals how Nickelodeon sells an image of happy, attractive teenagers but shies away from responsibility and accountability for the problems these same teenagers experience as a result. The network itself is another entity that tries to exploit Jennette and exert control over her body and career. Nickelodeon as an institution symbolizes Jennette’s fraught relationships with figures of authority, especially those who have obligations to protect her while she is a minor, such as her parents.

The Exploitation of the Vulnerable

Throughout the text, Jennette writes with a voice that is dry, derisive, and ironic to critique the way that the entertainment industry and individuals exploit the aspirations and trust of individuals, especially vulnerable children. She creates a sarcastic tone that contrasts with both the superficial brightness of an idyllic Hollywood existence and the upsetting and dramatic moments of abuse, mental health struggles, and grief that she experiences. Jennette’s use of sarcasm is a specific choice designed that emphasizes the gaps between her childhood expectations, the experiences she describes, and her authorial distance from them as an adult.

Jennette’s adult perspective and tone are juxtaposed with her vulnerability as a child pushed into an adult world. Jennette is desperate to please her mother as a young child. In return, her mother manipulates Jennette to satisfy her own ambition, and the entertainment industry—especially as embodied by the Creator—perpetuates this dangerous dynamic. Jennette’s memoir suggests that The Desire for Control she experiences, and which she expresses through dangerous disordered eating and substance abuse, is at least partly a reaction to the ways in which her trust in authority is abused.