Invisible Monsters

“Most of my adult life so far has been me standing on seamless paper for a raft of bucks per hour, wearing clothes and shoes, my hair done and some famous fashion photographer telling me how to feel.”

The narrator continues her introductions by describing her life before the moment described in the opening lines. She was a model, and she was paid to be beautiful while someone told her what emotions she should be feeling. The narrator’s words imply that she is no longer content with this life—if she ever was.

“‘Don’t let me die here on this floor,’ Brandy says, and her big hands clutch at me. ‘My hair,’ she says, ‘My hair will be flat in the back.’”

There is conceit in this line that sets both a humorous and tragic tone: It is clear that this is not the time to worry about appearance, yet Brandy is doing just that. Though she appears to believe she is dying of a gunshot wound, her concern is how her hair will look after she dies. This exemplifies the themes of beauty and self-acceptance as Brandy is more concerned about her appearance than anything else, possibly based on societal expectations and certainly centered in her feelings toward her identity.

“Don’t expect this to be the kind of story that goes and then, and then, and then. What happens here will have more of that fashion magazine feel, a Vogue or a Glamour magazine chaos with page numbers on every second or fifth or third page. Perfume cards falling out, and full-page naked women coming out of nowhere to sell you make-up.”

The narration of this novel jumps around in time and is not presented in a traditional linear fashion. Here, the narrator warns the reader of this, equating the storytelling to that of a fashion magazine, touching again on themes of beauty and societal norms.

“Sister Katherine was the kind of nun who wears a wedding ring. And married people always think love is the answer.”

Sister Katherine is a nun and nurse treating Shannon. She continuously tries to connect Shannon with other patients with similar injuries. Shannon recognizes the kindness behind Sister Katherine’s actions and does not resent her, revealing that Shannon’s empathetic personality and ability to relate to other people no matter the circumstances.

“Jump to just before my bandages come off, when a speech therapist says I should get down on my knees and thank God for leaving my tongue in my head, unharmed.”

Even though the overall impression is that she’s trying to help Shannon, the therapist is shown to be inappropriate here—one of the many contradictions that take place in Shannon’s life during and after her recovery. Shannon has lost most of her jaw, but a professional tells her to be grateful for her tongue because she can use it to learn to throw her voice like a ventriloquist in order to speak again. Shannon is frustrated by her inability to communicate effectively after her injuries, and the therapist’s suggestion is insensitive to the emotional effects of her experiences.

“‘When you understand,’ Brandy says, ‘that what you’re telling is just a story. It isn’t happening anymore. When you realize the story you’re telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan,’ Brandy says, ‘then we’ll figure out who you’re going to be.’”

Brandy is attempting to tell Shannon that she can be anyone she wants to be. She is a blank slate: She can let go of the past and create a whole new future for herself. Shannon takes this notion to heart, and uses the veils Brandy has helped her make to do this, unaware that Brandy’s advice will take on new meaning when Shannon learns about Brandy’s past.

“Some days, I hate it when Brandy changes our lives without warning. Sometimes, twice in one day, you have to live up to a new identity. A new name. New relationships. Handicaps. It’s hard to remember who I started this road trip being.”

Although Shannon embraced the idea of becoming anyone she wanted to be when she first met Brandy, she grows weary of the control Brandy exerts over her by constantly changing their story. At first, it was fun being someone else, but it grows tiresome and is beginning to wear down Shannon. This touches on the theme of identity and shows that Shannon is getting ready to claim her own identity, whatever it might be.

“‘It’s not like they hit me or made me drink satanic blood or anything,’ I’d say. ‘They just liked my brother more because he was mutilated.”

Evie asks about Shannon’s brother, something Shannon assumes is basic curiosity each time it happens. Here, Shannon expresses her opinion as to why her childhood was lacking warmth. Shannon clearly believes her parents dislike her, and she explains that it’s because of the accident, suggesting a connection between Shannon’s “accident” and Brandy’s. Shannon’s thoughts suggest she was attempting to garner attention when she shot herself in the face.

“On the planet Brandy Alexander, the universe is run by a fairly elaborate system of gods and she-gods. Some evil. Some are the ultimate goodness. Marilyn Monroe, for example. Then there’s Nancy Reagan and Wallis Warfield Simpson. Some of the gods and she-gods are dead. Some are alive. A lot are plastic surgeons.”

Shannon reveals an interesting part of Brandy’s personality by describing the people Brandy admires. This list includes a voluptuous movie star, a First Lady, and the woman who caused the abdication of a British king. These were all strong, independent woman and were often noted for their striking appearance or their influence over the men in their lives. From this characterization, the reader can infer that Brandy aspires to be a strong, independent woman like those she admires but, as suggested by the fact that a lot of her heroes are plastic surgeons, that beauty still comes first in her priorities.

“We’re supposed to sit and eat with Shane dead all over the table in front of us.”

Shannon returns home for Thanksgiving only to discover the tablecloth on which they are eating was meant to be a panel on the AIDS Memorial Quilt. Even the most benign subjects become all about her sibling each time Shannon speaks to her parents, causing her to feel inadequate. She is alive and sitting right in front of them, yet she can’t get her parents to pay as much attention to her as they pay to their deceased child. This moment adds to Shannon’s hatred of her sibling even after many years.

“The third most boring thing in the entire world is your sorry-assed past. So Brandy never asked me anything. Bulldozer alpha bitch she can be, we meet again and again in the speech therapist office and Brandy tells me everything I need to know about myself.”

Shannon reflects upon her relationship with Brandy and realizes she never asks Shannon anything about her past. Shannon initially puts this to Brandy’s philosophy that everyone can let go of the past and remake themselves into anything they want to be, but later this lack of questioning takes on new significance when Shannon learns Brandy knew who Shannon was all along.

“I could’ve just watched the stupid infomercial and known Manus and Evie had some tortured sick relationship they wanted to think was true love. Okay, I did watch it. Okay, about a hundred times I watched it, but I was only watching myself.”

Shannon realizes she could have figured out that Manus and Evie were involved with each other if she’d simply seen the look they shared during the filming of the infomercial they all did together. However, Shannon admits that she was only interested in her own appearance—in how beautiful she was on film—and she missed anything else. This is an example of how beauty can influence perception even in (or perhaps most importantly in) the person who possesses the beauty.

“The way my face is without a jaw, my throat just ends in sort of a hole with my tongue hanging out. Around the hole, the skin is all scar tissue: dark red lumps and shiny the way you’d look if you got the cherry pie in a pie eating contest. If I let my tongue hang down, you can see the roof of my mouth, pink and smooth as the inside of a crab’s back, and hanging down around the roof is the white vertebrae horseshoe of the upper teeth I have left. There are times to wear a veil and there are not. Other than this, I’m stunning when I meet [Manus] breaking into Evie’s big house at midnight.”

Shannon describes the injuries to her face from the gunshot wound. She talks about it as though it is a different sort of beauty, not horrific as some might see it. She even seems to feel it has its own beauty—a touch of sarcasm or even irony that leads into her story of how Manus broke into Evie’s home and attempted to kill her.

“Jump way back to the last time I ever went home to see my parents. It was my last birthday before the accident. What with Shane still being dead, I wasn’t expecting presents. I’m not expecting a cake. This last time, I go home just to see them, my folks. This is when I still have a mouth so I’m not so stymied by the idea of blowing out candles.”

A sarcastic, yet humorous tone is prevalent here as Shannon goes home for her birthday only to realize her parents have forgotten it in lieu of a Gay Pride parade they plan to attend. This again shows the toxicity of her parents’ belated support of their supposedly gay son and how their show of favoritism has adversely impacted Shannon’s life.

“These same people being so good and kind and caring and involved, these same people finding identity and personal fulfillment in the fight on the front lines for equality and personal dignity and equal rights for their dead son, these are the same people I hear yelling through my bedroom door. ‘We don’t know what kind of filthy diseases you’re bringing into this house, mister, but you can just find another place to sleep tonight.’”

Shannon recognizes the hypocrisy in her parents throwing Brandy out of the house for being gay only to embrace advocacy for “Shane” after believing “Shane” died. It makes the fact that the McFarlands do not see the still living child in front of them while fighting for their supposedly dead child all the more tragic, and gives some understanding as to why Shannon makes the choices she has made in her life.

“The uglier the fashions, the worse places we’d have to pose to make them look good. Junkyards. Slaughterhouses. Sewage treatment plants. It’s the ugly bridesmaid tactic where you only look good by comparison. One shoot for Industry JeansWear, I was sure we’d have to pose kissing dead bodies.”

Shannon describes a common advertising gimmick in which items are photographed in a way to make them look the most appealing as a sort of trick on the consumer. Shannon’s description again highlights the theme of beauty, showing how beauty can be created with gimmicks and tricks rather than presented in an honest and natural way, suggesting an irony in the way beauty is determined and appearances are contrived.

“My brother I hate is come back from the dead. Shane’s being dead was just too good to be true.

 First the exploding hairspray can didn’t kill him.

 Then our family couldn’t just forget him.

 Now even the deadly AIDS virus has failed me.

 My brother is nothing but one bitter fucking disappointment after another.”

Shannon’s reaction to learning that Brandy is her supposedly deceased sibling reveals her deep-seated feelings of jealousy and hatred. Shannon is clearly still angry with her sibling for something beyond Brandy’s control: the fact their parents showed favoritism. Even though Shannon adores Brandy, she cannot get beyond her resentment of their shared past.

“When you go out with a drunk, you’ll notice how a drunk fills your glass so he can empty his own. As long as you’re drinking, drinking is okay. Two’s company. Drinking is fun. If there’s a bottle, even if your glass isn’t empty, a drunk, he’ll pour a little your glass before he fills his own. This only looks like generosity.”

Shannon recognizes addiction in Brandy when she encourages Shannon to have plastic surgery. Brandy only wants Shannon to have the surgery because Brandy is addicted to surgically altering her own body. Shannon knows that Brandy thinks she is being helpful, but is only feeding her own addiction.

“I’m an invisible monster, and I’m incapable of loving anybody. You don’t know which is worse.”

Integrating the title of the novel, Shannon sees herself as an invisible monster because she is both hideous to see and is planning the murders of the people closest to her without their knowledge. She believes everything she has gone through makes her unable to love, but this will prove false later in the novel when Shannon does what seems, on the surface, to be an act of unconditional love by giving her identity to Brandy.

“‘My point being,’ Brandy says, ‘is you can’t escape the world, and you’re not responsible for how you look, if you look beauticious or butt ugly. You’re not responsible for how you feel or what you say or how you act or anything you do. It’s all out of your hands,’ Brandy says.”

In one of their early meetings, Brandy tries to tell Shannon that no one is responsible for anything they do or how they look, a fact meant to make Shannon feel better about her situation. However, Shannon takes more responsibility for herself than Brandy suggests she should, choosing to not have plastic surgery. However, Shannon later follows this advice when she allows Brandy to take control on their road trip and change Shannon’s identity—along with Manus’s and her own—whenever she feels a whim to do so.

“Either Manus or Brandy is being a sleazy liar to me, me, the paragon of virtue and truth here. Manus or Brandy, I don’t know who to hate. Me and Manus or Me and Brandy. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t love.”

Brandy accuses Manus of being the police detective who molested her when she was 15. Shannon finds herself struggling to trust Brandy even though there are things about Manus that suggest he is capable of such a thing. It becomes clear in this chapter that there are things about Brandy that Shannon and her parents never knew that could better explain her behavior.

“Waiting for Evie to burn to death, everybody gets a fresh drink and goes to stand in the foyer at the foot of the stairs.”

The sarcastic, almost humorous tone is apparent in this description of Evie’s situation during her wedding reception. Despite the fact the house is burning around them, the wedding guests hang around to see what Evie, gun in hand, might do next—almost like some kind of vaudeville act. This humor belies the seriousness of the situation but also highlights the callous way in which society views tragedy.

“The truth is I was addicted to being beautiful, and that’s not something you just walk away from. Being addicted to all that attention, I had to quit cold turkey. I could shave my head, but hair grows back. Even bald, I might still look too good. Bald, I might get even more attention. There was the option of getting fat or drinking out of control to ruin my looks, but I wanted to be ugly, and I wanted my health. Wrinkles and aging looked too far off. There had to be some way to get ugly in a flash. I had to deal with my looks in a fast, permanent way or I’d always be tempted to go back.”

Shannon knew her beauty was a problem, and she sought a solution to it. For Shannon, self-harm seemed justifiable because it instantly and irreversibly destroyed her conventional beauty. She got the result she wanted, though she might could not have anticipated some of the side effects.