Listen, Slowly

During a layover in Hong Kong, Mai spends some time with her Bà sharing fragmented pieces of lemon drops, her favorite treat. Mai thinks about how her Bà rarely leaves the house because she gets carsick, so this journey must be very important to her. She admires the signs of aging on Bà’s face and hands as they communicate with the sparse Vietnamese Mai still knows. She retained some of what she learned as a child—enough to decode some of her parents’ conversations—but she is not fluent enough to speak to her Bà. Mostly, Mai stopped speaking Vietnamese after a classmate made fun of her speech when she translated a phrase into English.

Mai thinks about all her distant relatives who were too busy working and pursuing their education to help with Bà this summer, and how Mai, as the youngest grandchild, was given the job. If she could speak to Bà, she would ask her all her lingering questions about their family history, specifically about what happened when they fled Vietnam after the war. Mai’s knowledge of her family is fragmented, and she gained most of her knowledge about the war from a PBS documentary titled The Fall of Saigon. She knows some of her family members were part of the “Boat People,” individuals who fled Vietnam by boat, but when she asks her mother for details about the escape, she does not answer.

When the plane lands in Vietnam, Mai notices some of the women change into a traditional garment called an ào dài and the men change into suits. She observes the crowds of people, all with the same dark hair and yellowish skin. Mai does not think of herself as having yellow skin since she is tan from living near the beach. Her dad once explained to her that the Vietnamese flag included three red stripes representing the North, Central, and South regions, and the yellow stood for the unity of one skin color. However, Mai wonders, “If they were so united, why did they spend years and years fighting?” (12) Mai also notes the difference in body types, particularly among Vietnamese women who are petite and slim as opposed to the more voluptuous body type revered in California. Mai and her father plan to meet the detective the following morning, though her father still doubts Ông could still be alive. Mai hopes he will deliver the news that will allow her to return home as soon as possible. Outside the airport, Mai is assaulted by the heat and humidity and begins to feel sick. They care for Bà’s needs in the cab so she does not get carsick, and Mai tries to find a breath of fresh air. When she spots a water buffalo on the side of the road, Mai remembers Bà used to sing her a song about a boy who rode a water buffalo. She begs the driver to stop so she can get a closer look.

Mai falls asleep during the cab ride but is jolted awake by the car weaving in and out of traffic, as well as the clangorous sounds and pungent aromas of street food in Hanoi. Her knowledge of Vietnamese history and geography is slim, and Mai thinks they are in Saigon. Her father explains that Bà wants to visit her home village. When Mai asks questions about the Vietcong, her father scolds her and tells her not to speak about politics in the north. Mai worries they will be arrested since her grandfather fought for the south, but her father explains many northerners died, and it is not something people discuss. Mai wants to see the famous white beaches and turquoise ocean water, but her father has had enough of her incessant questioning. After arriving at the hotel and crashing into a jet-lagged slumber, they awaken the next day to meet the detective. Mai’s father makes her wait in the bathroom while he and Bà speak with the old man in Vietnamese.

Though Mai cannot understand all of their conversation, she does pick up enough to understand it is tense, and her father is angry about a guard who knew her grandfather. Most of the conversation is a mystery, and Mai thinks, “More ghost words. I should have kept learning Vietnamese. But who knew I’d be listening to Bà’s most important conversation ever through a cordial yet incomprehensible prune?” (21) As she continues to eavesdrop, she hears her father ask something about money and “thanh liêm,” a word she does not comprehend. Mai’s father gives the detective a white envelope and tells him to do everything in his power to bring the guard to their village. After the detective leaves, Mai is hopeful they have confirmed Ông is dead and they can return home, but her father said the situation is more complicated than he originally thought. She must stay with Bà until she can meet with the mystery guard. Mai throws herself onto the bed in a tantrum while Bà tries to console her.

Mai’s father leaves them to go into the mountains while Mai prepares to accompany Bà to her village. Mai tries to bargain with her father by threatening to stop learning her SAT vocabulary, refusing to learn Vietnamese, and begin wearing eyeliner, but he will not budge. He encourages her to respect her grandmother, promising that the detective will bring the guard within two weeks, and he will return before then. Mai is dejected about spending two weeks in the village without him and almost begins to cry, but her mother calls and gives her a pep talk. Mai instantly feels better, thinking, “No one says my name the way my mom does, like she’s packed all the hope in the world into one syllable” (25). Before ending the call, Mai’s mother tells her she left her a surprise in her suitcase and tries to give her the SAT word of the day, her daily ritual.

Mai’s father gives Bà a white envelope similar to the one he gave the detective before they depart for her village 50 miles from Hanoi. Before leaving, Mai stocked up on all her favorite Vietnamese snacks like mung bean cookies and tamarind balls, foods that remind her of her childhood. She purchased all the food by having the vendors write down the prices, and she was careful not to buy anything raw. Her father gave her tetanus and malaria pills before leaving, but she must be careful not to contract a parasite. Bà sleeps while they drive to the village, passing rice paddies and water buffalo. Mai is amazed by the process used to irrigate the paddies, and as they ride, she notices she is getting used to the climate. When they arrive at the village, they are greeted by a large crowd who usher Bà in on a throne-like chair as though she were royalty. Members of the crowd bow to them as per the custom since Vietnamese do not hug or kiss as a method of greeting. Several individuals approach Mai and introduce themselves as distant family members. They also are astounded by her braces, having only seen one other person with wires on their teeth, while others marvel at her height. Bà speaks to the crowd since Mai cannot understand their dialect. Some people comment on specific features of her face that, in their culture, are indicative of something about her personality or predictive of her future.

Mai follows the crowd as they carry Bà inside a building. She sees a person with a pet toad sitting in a hammock. Mai assumes they are a boy because of their short haircut, but when they stand up, she realizes she is a girl. She is dressed in dirty pants and a shirt and has tan skin. The crowd carries Bà to an upper room with tables covered in food. The room is crowded and hot, but Mai is excited by the delicious smells wafting through the air. Bà sits at the head of the table, and Mai listens to the conversation, catching bits and pieces of the family members bragging about their children or relatives’ accomplishments. Mai dislikes what she calls “the comparison game” (35) and thinks she will be the best at grooming her nails. The room is full of flies, and she sees the hammock girl catching them in a bag for her pet toad.

Mai notices everyone in the room uses their chopsticks differently than her family. When someone serves her a chicken foot, her Bà quickly removes it from the plate. Someone in the room notices Mai is using her chopsticks properly and then asks, “Are you obedient?” (36) referring to the Vietnamese cultural belief that if a child disobeys, they will shame their ancestors. After the meal, the toad girl’s mother introduces her to Mai as Út and encourages them to go play outside together. She thinks about her friendship with Montana back home which also reminds her of her crush. The mother goes on talking about Út’s relationship with her sister and her temperament, and the girls leave to go out back to play. Sitting under a pergola covered in bitter melons, Mai remembers how her grandmother cooks a dish made with the unpalatable fruit once a month. The girls sit wordlessly as Út places her toad on a banana leaf, and they watch it eat the flies. Mai throws a pebble into the air, and the toad, thinking it is a fly, eats it and promptly vomits. As Út abruptly gathers the toad to leave, Mai tries to say sorry in Vietnamese, but the girl only glares at her, exposing her teeth covered in braces as she runs away.

Mai spends most of her days eating the copious amounts of food her relatives serve and spends her nights fighting off the bloodthirsty mosquitoes. Despite using her mosquito net, the loathsome creatures find a way in, and soon Mai is covered in itchy sores. She now understands why the local women wear silky, pajama-like outfits that cover their entire bodies. Mai also adjusts to the unfamiliar rhythms of Vietnamese life. People rise early to beat the oppressive heat and retire in the afternoon during the hottest part of the day. After each meal, the men and women retreat to separate floors of the house for a nap. Mai has not seen Út since she upset the girl by making her frog sick, and she longs to see her again and attempt another apology. Mai and her grandmother go to stay at Ông’s brother’s home, giving them a chance to finally be alone. He tells Bà the house belongs to her if she wants it, but she says no. Mai and Bà retreat to their room, both exhausted and full of food. Bà chides Mai for scratching her insect bites and forces her to use Tiger Balm, Bà’s solution to everything, to soothe the irritation.

Mai ponders the idea of scratching herself raw and pretending to have malaria so she can return home. However, her grandmother’s tender care reminds her how much she loves and respects her grandmother, and Mai cherishes their time together. Bà points to a blue mosaic on the wall that tells the story of a goddess in a blue robe and begins to tell the story of how she and Ông came together. Their parents arranged their union when she was only five, and they were married when she was 16. Bà was so frightened on her wedding day that she barricaded herself in the bridal suite, the same room they are in now. Ông climbed into the room through the window, and at first, she slammed the shutters on him, but he stayed tenderly talking to her until sunset, and she let him into the room. Having known him her entire life, Bà never thought she would be apart from Ông.

Mai is moved by her grandmother’s memory, and she asks her if she really thinks he is still alive. Bà says she knows the chances are low, and she hopes that meeting with the guard will at least give her some information about how Ông spent his final days. She says, “I need to absorb every morsel deemed knowable, then I have vowed to release the heaviness of longing” (46). Bà falls asleep, and Mai thinks about her love and admiration for her grandmother, who has endured so much loss.

When Mai awakens and opens her suitcase, she regrettably finds that her mother only packed her capri pants, which are insufficient for keeping the mosquitoes at bay. However, she does find her mother’s surprise: a cell phone and a charger. She is elated over the discovery but cannot find an outlet in the room. As she leaves the house in search of an outlet, Mai runs into Út, her sister Lan, another girl, and a boy. The girls are carrying baskets of food and using umbrellas to shield themselves from the sun. Mai notices the boy staring longingly at Lan but sees the other girl is jealous and makes a move to draw his attention to her, reminding Mai of something Montana would do. The boy steps forward and introduces himself as Minh using perfect English with a Texas accent. Minh is studying abroad in America and offers to be Mai’s translator. Mai first asks him to apologize to Út on her behalf, but she does not respond. Then Mai asks Minh to inquire if Út’s pet is a frog or a toad. Út responds with a lengthy answer explaining the scientific differences between frogs and toads. Mai understands Út’s reply, but Minh condenses it to one sentence saying she has a frog. Mai shows Minh her phone, and he leads them toward an internet café where she can use the outlets to charge and access the dial-up internet connection. Mai learns that she must call Minh “Anh Minh” because he is older than her.

While walking, Mai asks why the teenagers are not napping, and realizing Anh Minh is the first boy she has seen, she wonders where all the men are. Anh Minh explains the teenagers are too busy to nap, and all the men are away at the shrimp camp, a place where men go to learn the trade of farming shrimp. Jobs are difficult to find in the city, so learning the trade offers the village men a chance at employment and keeps them busy. As they move through the city, Mai notices how all the buildings are tall, skinny, and made of cement, and they do not have lawns. They walk past rice paddies and water buffalo until they come to a large tree. Minh explains that the tree is very old and serves as the center of the village. Passing through the village market, Mai observes all the stall vendors taking their midday naps.

Once she arrives at the café and connects her phone, Mai scrolls through all her missed messages, most from either her mother or Montana. As she looks at her social media page, she notices Montana is tagged in a photo with Mai’s crush. Mai scours the photo for evidence of attraction while Minh tries not to look over her shoulder. The girls begin to whisper, and Minh translates their questions. They want to know why Montana’s breasts are so large and why she is so scantily dressed. They assume her breasts are swollen because she has been pregnant, and they doubt she is 12 years old. They comment that it appears Montana is trying to attract a mate and is being unkind to her friend. This sparks a conversation between Minh and Mai about what defines a teenager, with Mai asserting the symbolism of a teenager’s 13th birthday. Anh Minh explains, “There’s no word for teenager in Vietnamese, miss” (57). Mai, still distracted by her anxiety over what may be happening back home, tries to relate the American idea of coming of age, but she speaks too quickly for Anh Minh to translate. Anh Minh says it is no use to continue to try and explain to the girls as they simply do not have the language or cultural understanding to comprehend the concept of being a teenager. Mai is frustrated and once again angry that her father forced her to be away from her friends and the comforts of home.

The girls leave, and Minh walks Mai back to her house. Mai notices the awkward dynamic between the members of the group and thinks it is strange she has found herself in the middle of a love triangle. As they pass back through the market, the vendors are beginning to awaken from their naps, and Mai thinks about the communal nature of Vietnamese society. When she returns to the house, Mai answers a call from her mother. Mai immediately launches into complaining about her misery from the mosquitoes due to her lack of proper clothing and the weather. She blames her father for giving her too much responsibility in accompanying Bà when the situation is hopeless. Her mother tries to calm her by first offering a simple remedy for the mosquito bites, telling her to apply saliva to stop the itching. Mai’s mother asks if the boy is what is really bothering her, and Mai is shocked and mortified to know her mom knows about her crush. Her mom continues by giving her advice, saying that the distance will prove whether the connection is real or not, and she suggests it is a test of her friendship with Montana. Mai does not understand how her mother knows her most intimate thoughts and fears saying, “How does she guess exactly what I’ve been thinking, even when I didn’t want to think it?” (61). Mai ends the call before her mother can give her the daily SAT word, claiming Bà is waking and needs her tea.

Still fuming over what she perceives as her mother’s intrusion on her private life, Mai joins Bà and Ông’s brother for tea while they watch it pour rain outside. Mai has trouble sounding out his full name and calls him “Ông’s Brother” (62). He shows them a birdhouse Ông made where wild doves nest. He has tried to release them into the wild, but each time they return. He compares the doves to Ông, saying he would have returned home unless something prevented him. Ông’s brother wants Ông to be buried in the family plot and hopes the detective can help them recover the body. He shares the story of losing his son in the war and how he watched expectantly as other soldiers returned home. He gave up hope after his wife died, and he let the memory of them both go at the same time. Mai is moved by the story and temporarily forgets about her troubles thinking, “I understood every word, but somehow the meaning is impossible to hold as each drop of rain” (64). She walks through the rain with her grandmother to look more closely at the birdhouse, and just as they approach, a flock of birds flies out above them. Bà touches the birdhouse as if trying to make a connection to Ông and begins to chant. Mai wants to hate Vietnam, but she is beginning to think there is something magical about the place.