Loser

On his first day without a grown-up to corral him, Donald Zinkoff jumps down from his front porch onto the sidewalk and takes off, running as fast as he can and thrilling to the freedom and speed. A car passes; he races it and falls behind, but he loves the experience. He stomps on the sidewalk for pure joy, yells “Yahoo!”, and keeps running.

Running isn’t enough, and soon the kids race each other. Their moms warn them not to run in the street, so they take over the alleys and make up more games—;ole “Who can eat the most cupcakes? Who can go to bed the latest? Who can weigh the most? Who can burp the loudest?” (6). Everyone wins at something, except Donald.

On his first day of school, Donald’s mom warns him not to wear his hat with the three-foot-tall giraffe’s head on top, and to wait for her to walk him the three blocks to the school grounds. Donald wears the hat and runs off toward school without her.

As the students file into their classroom, the teacher Miss Meeks greets each of them, including the boy in the giraffe head in the front row. Fearing he’ll be a troublemaker, she tells him he can’t wear the hat in class, and he complies happily. She asks his name; he stands and shouts, “Zinkoff!” The other kids giggle.

Miss Meeks will retire at the end of the year; she gives her final welcome lecture to the students. She calls them “citizens” and predicts that, by the time they graduate from 12 years of schooling, they’ll know how to write, solve equations, and spell “tintinnabulation.” The kids gasp, except Donald who grins as if tickled.

Miss Meeks writes 180 on the chalkboard and says that’s the number of days in a school year. She multiplies it by 12 years and gets 2,160 days of schooling. She sees it as a grand adventure filled with possibilities. Donning a train conductor’s cap, she calls out, “Toot! Toot! All aboard the Learning Train! First stop, Writing My Own Name! Who’s coming aboard?” (17) All the kids raise their hands excitedly, but Donald also leaps to his feet, knocking his desk over and shouting, “Yahoo!”

Donald tries to write his name for the first time. He shows the result proudly to Miss Meeks, but it’s completely unreadable. She encourages him to practice it some more, and he does, but his penmanship doesn’t improve.

At recess, Donald wears his giraffe hat. It’s quickly stolen and passed around. A fourth grader takes it and asks who owns it. Donald runs over, trips, and falls—everyone laughs—and arrives at the bigger kid saying, “It’s my hat.” The kid smiles, shakes his head, and replies, “It’s my hat” (22).

Donald, believing the hat somehow belonged to the older kid in the past, accepts this and says cheerfully, “Okay.” This angers the fourth grader, who wanted Donald to make a fuss. He puts his hand inside the giraffe’s head, moves its mouth like a puppet, tosses it to the ground, steps on it, and walks away.

After school, Donald’s mother picks him up. He loves school and his teacher. His mom puts a gold star on his shirt. Donald looks down at it, and his giraffe hat falls off. She picks it up and wears it all the way home; Donald loves that, too.

Donald’s father is a mailman. The Zinkoffs don’t have much money, so he buys old cars that break down quickly. He calls each one a “honeybug,” but Donald and his mom privately call each a “clunker.” The latest is “Clunker Four.” When his father gets home from work, Donald tells him about his first day at school, and he keeps talking about it right up till bedtime.

Donald says his prayers, telling God about his day, and then he does the same to the stars in the sky. Donald thinks stars sometimes fall to Earth, and his mom collects them and puts them in the freezer until they’re cooled off so he can wear them. He wonders whether there are more stars or more school days ahead: “It’s a wonderful question” (27).

For Donald, every day at school seems like the first day, with so many new things to experience. At home, his father will ask, “‘So, what’s new, Chickamoo?’ Or ‘What’s new, Boogaloo?’ Or ‘Kinkachoo.’ Or ‘Pookypoo’” (28). Funny words tickle Donald, and sometimes he laughs so hard, he falls from his chair.

Miss Meeks tries to explain what it would be like to see a billion basketballs: “[W]hy, they would stretch from here to Jabip!” (29). She explains that Jabip is her made-up word for something very far away. Donald laughs so hard he falls from his chair, and it takes him five minutes to settle down.

He tells his dad about it, and his dad says there’s also a “Jaboop.” This causes Donald to keep laughing all evening until his parents give up and send him to his room. He continues to giggle about it all week in class until Miss Meeks calls him to her desk and pins on him a large, yellow button that says “I know I can behave” (31). He’s good for an hour until she removes the button and he starts giggling again. This goes on for some days until the teacher realizes Donald thinks the button is an award.

One day, Donald gets up early and goes to school ahead of time. He waits on the school’s front steps. His worried parents search for him and find him on the steps. He explains proudly that he got to school “all by myself” (33). They tell him it’s Saturday.

At year’s end, Miss Meeks writes on Donald’s report card that he has self-control problems but is good-natured, happy, and loves school.

During the summer, Donald’s family welcomes a new baby girl, Polly. Donald sees two stars on Polly’s diaper and wants to know about his own birth stars. His mom says she wasn’t yet giving them out back then, but she offers to give him his two “being-born” stars when he’s having a bad day and really needs them. He agrees to it.

A month later, new neighbors, the Orwells, move in next door. Donald’s mom bakes a cake and, with Donald in tow, greets Cherise Orwell. Cherise says her own son, Andrew, is Donald’s age, but he’s mad about the move and refuses to come out.

Donald decides to bake a welcome cookie for Andrew. It’s a snickerdoodle—he loves that kind of cookie for its name—and it’s the size of the entire baking pan. Waving his mom off, he makes it himself, then brings it to the Orwell house. Andrew appears and shows interest; Donald pries the cookie loose with a spatula and presents it to Andrew, but it falls apart onto the floor.

Andrew runs off in a snit, so Donald brings the cookie pieces back to his front stoop, hands out bits to passersby, and eats most of it himself. When his dad gets home, Donald throws up into his mailbag. Donald was born with an inverted stomach valve, and he throws up several times a week. He was taught always to throw up into something. His mom cleans the bag. That night, hungry again, Donald enjoys a full meal then throws up into a sock.