Marriage is a Private Affair

“‘I can’t—we must—I mean it is impossible for me to marry Nweke’s daughter.’ ‘Impossible. Why?’ asked his father. ‘I don’t love her.’ ‘Nobody said you did. Why should you?’”

This conversation between Nnaemeka and his father highlights the huge generational gap between the two of them. Nnaemeka wants to marry for love, whereas Okeke cannot fathom that love would even be a consideration when choosing a wife. In Okeke’s mind, the girl he has chosen for Nnaemeka possesses all the qualities one could want in a wife: She is a Christian, she’s received the necessary training, and she reads her Bible fluently.

“What one looks for in a wife are a good character and a Christian background.”

Okeke outlines his traditional views on marriage, but when Nnaemeka shares that he is engaged to marry a woman who possesses these qualities and more, Okeke cannot accept the news since she is not of the Igbo tribe. Furthermore, Okeke points out that Nene’s career as a teacher is not acceptable for a good Christian woman. This is yet another example of his provincial, traditional mindset.

“His father’s silence was infinitely more menacing than a flood of threatening speech.”

Upon hearing the name of Nnaemeka’s fiancée and his declaration that she is the only girl he can marry, Okeke, instead of unleashing a torrent of angry words, simply walks from the room. Storms are an important symbol in this story, and in this moment Okeke’s silence is likened to the calm before the storm, a portent of greater destruction to come.

“Whoever put this idea into your head might as well have cut your throat. It is Satan’s work.”

Okeke likens Nnaemeka’s decision to marry Nene to a death sentence. Okeke is a devout Christian and truly believes that his son is in danger because of his insistence on marrying outside of his own tribe. At this point in the story, Okeke cuts off virtually all contact with his son and simply prays that Nnaemeka will see the error of his ways.

“‘I shall not call in a native doctor.’ Nnaemeka’s father was known to be obstinately ahead of his more superstitious neighbors in these matters.”

In this instance, Okeke is shown to dismiss traditional tribal ways. Unlike his mindset about marriage, on the subject of native medicine, is more open to change. This foreshadows his eventual reconsideration of his resolution to have nothing more to do with his son and his family.

“It amazes me that you could be so unfeeling as to send me your wedding picture. I would have sent it back. But on further thought I decided just to cut off your wife and send it back to you because I have nothing to do with her.”

This is an excerpt from the letter Okeke sends to Nnaemeka after receiving the wedding photo that Nnaemeka had sent to him. At this point, Okeke is still resolute in his vow to never see Nnaemeka again and to have nothing to do with his son or his family. It is as if he wishes that by cutting Nene out of the photo he could cut her out of his son’s life. Nnaemeka still does not seem to be especially angry at his father and maintains that he will one day approve of their marriage.

“The prejudice against Nnaemeka’s marriage was not confined to his little village.”

Although it seems that the traditional tribal elders are the ones who take the most offense at Nnaemeka’s marriage to Nene, other, more progressive Igbo living in Lagos hold this prejudice as well. The women treat Nene as if she is not one of them, just another subtle reminder that she does not belong. In this case, however, Nene is able to dismantle this prejudice simply by getting to know the women, and she eventually begins to make friends among them.

“The story eventually got to the little village in the heart of the Ibo country that Nnaemeka and his young wife were a most happy couple. But his father was one of the few people who knew nothing about this.”

Eventually, word spreads among the Igbo community that Nnaemeka and Nene are very happy together, and this seems to mollify many members of the tribe. Okeke, however, knows nothing of this, because other members of the tribe are afraid to mention Nnaemeka’s name in his presence. Okeke has succeeded in repressing his love for his son and pushing his thoughts of him to the back of his mind. Only by completely blocking thoughts of Nnaemeka from his mind is Okeke able to maintain the cold distance from his son that he has imposed upon himself.

“By a tremendous effort of will he had succeeded in pushing his son to the back of his mind. The strain had nearly killed him but he had persevered, and won.”

This passage suggests that disowning his son has not come easily for Okeke. Clearly, he loves Nnaemeka very much, but as an Igbo tribal elder, he is also very set in his ways and does not look fondly on breaking with tradition.

“Our two sons, from the day they learnt that they have a grandfather, have insisted on being taken to him. I find it impossible to tell them that you will not see them.”

This passage is an excerpt from the letter that Nene sends to Okeke imploring him to allow Nnaemeka to visit him and bring the boys. Despite Okeke’s refusal even to meet her, Nene maintains a highly respectful tone when addressing the old man and demonstrates that she cares deeply for Nnaemeka and his relationship with his father. This heartfelt letter from Nene is what causes Okeke’s resolve never to see his son again to begin to weaken.

“The old man at once felt the resolution he had built up over so many years falling in. He was telling himself he must not give in. He tried to steel his heart against all emotional appeal.”

Upon reading of his grandsons and their desire to meet him, Okeke’s resolve begins to flag. It is as if the only way he had managed to keep his heart hardened against Nnaemeka was simply not to think of him. Now, faced with news of his young grandsons and their earnest desire to know their grandfather, Okeke’s love for his son is winning the battle against tradition simply for the sake of tradition.

“The sky was overcast with heavy black clouds and a high wind began to blow filling the air with dust and dry leaves. It was one of those rare occasions when even Nature takes a hand in a human fight.”

At last, a literal storm has come, and with it, a strong wind that is blowing away all the dusty and dry traditions that have become irrelevant in the modern world and for which Okeke has forsaken his own son. Nature, here, is shown to be on the side of reconciliation between Okeke and his son, which suggests that it is the natural order of things that Okeke rekindle his relationship with Nnaemeka and forge a new bond with his daughter-in-law and grandsons.

“Okeke was trying hard not to think of his two grandsons. But he knew he was now fighting a losing battle. He tried to hum a favourite hymn but the pattering of large rain drops on the roof broke up the tune.”

Again, Okeke is trying desperately to push thoughts of his family from his mind. He stubbornly tries to hold on to the traditional ways that forbid a marriage across tribal lines. But at this point, even he realizes that these efforts are in vain. Attempts to distract himself with a religious hymn are thwarted by the sound of the rain, and he can’t stop thinking about his grandsons that he has never met. He begins to feel guilt at having excluded his grandsons from his life (and himself from theirs).