Punching the Air

“Their words and what they thought / to be their truth / were like a scalpel shaping me into / the monster / they want me to be.”

Amal feels that the trial is shaping him into a violent and monstrous person instead of portraying the artful, loving person he really is. He reveals this astute perception in “The Thinker,” realizing that people want to blame him for a crime he didn’t commit because he fits their image of what a monster should look like because he is Black.

“What was I supposed to say? / That I didn’t do it, over and over again / like it’s a number-one hit single?” 

After the jury convicts Amal for putting Jeremy Mathis in a coma, he feels as though there is no point in trying to scream his innocence anymore, a sentiment he expresses in “Refrain.” He doesn’t want to be another Black kid saying he didn’t do the crime as though his words meant anything. He knows that saying it won’t make a difference to his conviction.

“But I know that me and him / both walked down the path / that was already planned for us.” 

Amal understands that as a Black teenager, a lot of what happens to him is a result of a system that oppresses Black people while benefiting white people. In “Blind Justice,” he states that he feels like his verdict was predestined and that the justice system only works for a few instead of for everyone. By being in jail, he’s already where the world wanted him to be.

“They believed those lies about me / and made themselves / a whole other boy / in their minds / and replaced me with him.” 

The frustrated tone in Amal’s words is palpable in “Clone.” People who don’t believe in him don’t see him as he sees himself, but instead see him as a monstrous person whom they believe is capable of the crime of which he’s been convicted. No matter how he behaves, the image people have of Amal doesn’t change.

“No! I shout back / Never / I will not shut the fuck up.” 

In “Coming to America II,” Amal determines not to let being in jail dampen his spirit. He knows that the system oppresses those in jail, and he doesn’t want to shut up about it and just be complacent about his situation. To shut up would mean that he is okay with his situation and what happened to him, which will never happen.

“On a scale of one to ten / how likely are you to harm yourself now? / And I wonder if these questions / are really / suggestions.” 

The questions that Amal gets asked by the people who are supposed to help him in “Conversations with God II” are suggestive of what they think Amal will want to do because of his predicament. Amal doesn’t believe that they actually want to help him with anything since he is now another part of the criminal justice system, so the questions come across as unfeeling to him. There is no part of him that thinks that the authority figures in the jail want to help him feel better about his life.

“Zero Tolerance Academy / or / No Second Chances Charter School / or / Prison Prep.”

This quote from “Pipeline II” continues Amal’s thoughts on the school-to-prison pipeline. Schools are another way that the oppressive system can punish Black people for not being compliant in a system that was not created for them. His school gave no second chances, therefore making it easier for him to adjust to the harshness of the prison system.

“When the world spins / I shut out the voices / All she would say is / the sun will still rise.” 

Even after everything that has happened to Amal, he has not given up hope; he expresses this hope in “Cubism.” His mom, his greatest supporter, is reminding him that a new day will always come. The sun rising symbolizes the hope that Amal needs to have in order to mentally survive his situation.

“That’s the point / Locking you up isn’t enough / for them They will try / to crush your spirit until / you’re nothing but— / Dust / we both say together / And what does dust do, Amal? / What did Maya Angelou say about dust?

Umi asks / It rises, I whisper.”

Amal’s memory of this moment with his mother in “Dust” solidifies that he has an amazing relationship with her. She encourages him and lifts him up. No matter how beaten down Amal is, he will always rise. Umi wants him to have hope.

“Promising college student / they called him / as if the life he was expected to live / wasn’t a guarantee.” 

“The Persistence of Memory” explains how the system makes it so that white people prosper because of their white privilege. In the same way that Black people are oppressed from birth, white people are given a guaranteed life of success. While Amal is seen as a monster for a crime he didn’t commit, all the white teenagers who were also at the fight are seen as promising students.

“We were / a mob / a gang / ghetto / a pack of wolves / animals / thugs / hoodlums / men

They were / kids / having fun / home / loved / supported / protected / full of potential / boys.” 

The justice system only works for those in privilege, namely white people, in the eyes of Amal. In “Blind Justice II,” because he and his friends are Black, the court depicts them completely differently than their white counterparts. No matter what he does, others view Amal negatively because of his skin color—something Amal continues to point out and feel angry about.

“I especially know my / art and words / How to bend and twist / them into / truth / I know / it’s hard to tell / just by looking at me.” 

In “Pipeline III,” Amal is proud of his work as a poet and an artist. He trusts in his talent and knows himself well. However, he doesn’t believe that anyone actually sees him for who he really is because of his skin color.

“That’s the thing about being / locked up / Whatever you lose / you’ll find it again / over and over.”

Amal critiques repetition and confinement in “Lost-and-Found.” Due to his imprisonment, no matter what thoughts Amal forgets, they will find their way back to him again. He has nowhere to go and lots of time to think, making it impossible to actually lose an idea. This emphasizes how Amal compounds and strengthens his thoughts on the world while incarcerated.

“We were all shades of black / and they were white / no grays / no blurred lines.” 

In “The Entombment III,” Amal expresses that the white kids are without a doubt seen as good, while the Black kids don’t have as much positivity attached to them. Instead, Black kids are in a gray area, where people are unsure of their intentions and their minds. Black can have many shades, but white remains pure.

“So with a / new notebook / I draw myself / more boxes / and a little / black baby inside / like the one on that officer’s arm Except free, inside a box.” 

This is another passage from “The Entombment III.” Amal already feels trapped while in prison, but he begins to see that there is a way to feel free. He can draw and write and educate himself on the ways of the world. This is also where Amal begins to recreate art that he has seen before and transform it into something that more closely represents who he is.

“So I read and read and read / when there is no blank paper / no blank canvas / to tell this story.” 

Amal explains in “Saint Peter in Prison” that the blank canvas is an important image because he doesn’t believe that he ever received a clean start in the world. People refuse to see who he truly is because he is Black. His race and identity cause others to view him as monstrous and resulted in his imprisonment. Amal doesn’t get to create his own destiny from a blank slate because being Black already created his life story for him.

“I’m sure you all know / the rule of law— / Innocent until proven guilty / But with us, it’s / guilty until proven innocent.”

In “Art School II,” Dr. Bennu speaks these words to Amal’s poetry class while discussing the oppression of Black people. He is expressing how others view Black people as automatically guilty even if there is no proof. The color of their skin is enough proof in the oppressive system. White people, however, are automatically innocent.

“IT WAS JUST A FUCKING FIGHT.” 

Amal’s rage and fury at his situation becomes clearer as time passes in jail. He expresses this fury in “Blank Canvas II.” What should have been a simple fight turned into his imprisonment because of people’s racist biases against Black people. If things were fair, it would’ve been seen as just a fight and not an act of extreme violence by a Black teenager.

“You think the world owes you something / You think you’re innocent / and that you don’t deserve to be here.”

This quote by Ms. Buford from “Conversations with God X” shows the disbelief people have regarding Amal. They don’t want him to have hope and they don’t want to prove his innocence. They already think he’s guilty and that he deserves to be incarcerated because, to them, the criminal justice system works for everyone, not just privileged people.

“There is no wrong art / There is no bad art / Just art / Just your truth.”

Amal reflects on Ms. Rinaldi in this “Art School III” quote. Ms. Rinaldi tells this to Amal in a time of encouragement, even though her words are not remembered fondly. She likens art to telling the truth about yourself, but at the same time suppresses Amal’s questions in her class and ends up failing him. Therefore, she makes herself into the judger of art, but with a white lens with which Amal disagrees.

“The one that’s supposed to remind us / that we are juveniles / kids / children / even though everything else / lets us know that they think we are fully / grown / that we’ve already become everything we’re / supposed to be.”

In “Art School IV,” Amal re-emphasizes that life is unfair for Black people from the moment that they are born. Instead of being seen as a 16-year-old kid, people view him (and judge him) as an adult male because he is Black. He is already where the world thinks he should be by being in jail, because the oppressive system already believes that jail is where he should reside. 

“I wanted to get the fuck out / push back walls / so that I could / punch the air / make an opening / wide and tall enough / for me to step in / and fly / and soar.” 

This quote from “American Graffiti” helped create the title of the novel. Amal imagines taking his rage at the system and using it to create his freedom. He sees himself flying and soaring into freedom from jail, but also from oppression. His frustration at the unfairness that surrounds him can be a tool to help him.

“My mural […] is painted over / in white / in white / in white.” 

After painting over the terrible mural in the visiting room, the authorities deem it inappropriate. In “American Graffiti II,” Amal finds out that everything he worked for was painted over with the color white. Once again, whiteness has destroyed Amal’s feelings and true self.