Queenie

Queenie forgets her office pass, and the security guard won’t let her into the building until she forces him to come upstairs and look at a poster that has her face on it. She was forced to partake in the photoshoot for this poster because the shoot was about “workplace diversity”; when Queenie was hired, the HR assistant told her that she was lucky to get the job given how dark her skin is. Queenie texts The Corgis chat group and asks them to entertain her while she’s stuck in the office with no one but Silent Jean. Ted arrives, apparently needing to file something. Queenie tries to ignore him, but he won’t stop bothering her. As Queenie is leaving, Ted grabs her and pulls her into the elevator. She warns him about cameras, but he kisses her anyway. They get off at Ted’s floor and go into the bathroom for people with disabilities. As he undresses her, she’s unsure whether she wants to have sex and makes some jokes to alleviate her discomfort. Eventually, she decides to have sex, but when he asks her to turn around and get on the floor, she shakes her head. She does it anyway. He makes fetishistic comments about her skin color before trying to force himself inside of her. She tells him that she needs more foreplay to be ready and that they should use a condom, but he just puts some spit on her and continues. After a quick finish, he says he needs to go before “anyone comes” and she responds, “[T]he only person who came was you” (159).

Queenie tells the chat group what happened, and Cass tells her that she shouldn’t expect to hear from Ted ever again now that he has gotten what he wanted. Queenie replies that she thinks Ted cares about her.

Queenie’s housemates are still out of town for the holidays, and she’s delighted. She lives in her underwear, stays up late watching TV, and cleans up the messes that her housemates left. She hasn’t heard from Ted and doesn’t plan to reach out to him. She writes down her New Year’s Resolutions: Be nicer and more patient; work more and get a promotion; figure out what’s going on with Tom; don’t make time for men, stop using dating apps, and don’t see Guy anymore; see grandmother more, work on relationship with Sylvie, extend self to father but do not expect a response; find a way to exercise; find a creative outlet; don’t be a pessimist and/or catastrophist; go through all belongings and give away a lot of them; and consider therapy. Looking at the list, Queenie is immediately pessimistic, thinking that having any goals is a recipe for failure. Realizing that midnight has passed, Queenie texts Tom, wishing him a Happy New Year. He responds, wishing her the same and signing the text with an “X.”

Queenie awakens to the sounds of Rupert having returned. As she cleans up after him, she thinks about how clean Tom was. Making good on her resolution to work out, Queenie puts on her running shoes and walks halfway to work. Gina tells her that she can’t wear her sneakers in the office. Queenie doesn’t work all morning and at noon emails Ted. Gina asks Queenie to meet with her at five o’ clock. Queenie emails Darcy, freaking out because she fears she’s going to be fired; Darcy, who has seen Queenie’s resolutions, reminds her not to be a catastrophist. Gina is harsh with Queenie, telling her that her Boxing Day work was subpar. She gives Queenie some goals to try to get her back on track; from now on, Queenie must work on long-form pieces and will be responsible for Chuck and his progress. Queenie emails Ted again, and gets no response.

After a week of silence from Ted, Queenie goes to his floor to check on him. He’s extremely cagey and says that he has family things going on and can’t see her. She feels stupid and lies, telling him that she and Tom are getting back together. The Corgis chat group tells Queenie that Ted isn’t worth all this.

Getting off the bus in Brixton, Queenie sees Adi and says hello. He tries to drive away from her but can’t, and Queenie hears a woman in the car yelling “‘this must be her, huh?’” (174). Adi’s wife gets out and pulls Queenie’s hair, insulting her about her size. Adi tells his wife that he doesn’t know Queenie and would never chose her. Queenie notes that she has been spurned by two men in one day who both made a huge effort to have sex with her in the first place.

January is a hard month for Queenie, and she wishes she could go back to when everything was easier. She spends hours reading about police brutality. One day, she’s reading about the murder of Philando Castile when Kyazike calls her. Queenie talks to Kyazike about the horrors of police brutality against Black people. Kyazike tells her that she was calling about a Black Lives Matter march in Brixton. Although Queenie hates crowds, she agrees to go. She eventually finds Kyazike in the crowd and marches alongside her. While Kyazike yells the chants, Queenie quietly joins in, afraid of garnering any attention. People get on a podium to speak about the BLM movement and their loved ones who have been killed. Suddenly, Kyazike is the one with the megaphone leading the chants. As they march through Brixton, Queenie observes how gentrified her neighborhood has become. This observation fuels her, and she joins in, chanting loudly. The march ends in a square named after a ship that brought enslaved people to the UK. The marchers chant “‘We are enough’” (179).

At work, Queenie tells Gina that she wants to write about the police violence happening in America, but Gina tells her that the topic is too “radical.” Queenie suggests writing about how the white women who get up in arms about women’s rights issues could put their energy towards BLM matters; Gina tells her that the idea seems “combative” and asks her to come to the pitch meeting later that day. At the pitch meeting, a man tells Queenie that all lives matter, and she’s shocked that she needs to explain to him what “Black Lives Matter” actually means. Nobody backs Queenie up as she talks, and she realizes how far from radical her coworkers are. She tries to remind herself of the chant from the rally.

Queenie returns to the sexual health clinic (where she has become more of a regular than she would’ve expected) for an STI test. After the nurse administers the test, Elspeth comes in to do a check-in. She points out the frequency of Queenie’s trips and informs her that the nurse said she seemed “vacant.” Elspeth urges Queenie to find someone to talk to and gives her the number of a counselor; Queenie excuses herself from the appointment.

Back at work, Queenie has a meeting with Chuck. When he asks her how she’s doing, she brushes him off. Queenie wants to talk to Darcy, but Darcy is too busy, so they email. Queenie writes to Darcy about how concerned Elspeth seems about her, asking if she’s too damaged to be fixed. Darcy responds that she isn’t but that seeing a counselor about her relationship with men would be a good idea. When Queenie asks what’s wrong with her relationship with men, Darcy forwards the question to The Corgis chat group. The friends tell her that she has been rebounding with only terrible men, and Darcy points out how Queenie completely writes off Chuck, who’s genuinely kind to her. Cassandra seconds Darcy’s idea, telling Queenie to try going out with men who are kind and sexually satisfy her. Queenie responds that Chuck is way too nice for her. Darcy emails Queenie, telling her that she’ll cover her for the rest of the day so that she can go home early. On her way out, Queenie sees Ted and goes over to chat. His coworkers come over and ask him where he went on his honeymoon. Queenie feels sick as she leaves.