That's Not What Happened

Lee’s intention to finally tell the truth about Sarah and to encourage more truthful accounts from the other survivors has the direct effect of increasing emotion and conflict, as well as highlighting The Complexities of Truth and Perspective. Each scene, whether in the present or a flashback, demonstrates heavy emotions: Lee feels great trepidation, then relief in revealing her asexuality to Miles. She feels similar emotions telling the truth to her mother, as she finds support in both interactions. Lee becomes overwrought with anxiety and regret after encountering Ashley, and Ashley reveals that this information about Sarah changes her reality. For Lee, prom is a mixture of panic and shock because of Tara’s actions and words, an emotional slow dance with Miles, and a guilt-inducing argument outside. The cumulative effect is a roller coaster of emotion for Lee that any teenager might struggle with; ironically, her past trauma has left Lee so guarded that some of the emotional impact appears to bounce off, allowing her to remain focused on the goal of reaching Kellie. This also highlights Lee’s determination to find and share the whole truth: Tara’s remarks feel like the cruelest words that could be said to a survivor of a shooting, but Lee is able to refocus on Kellie and the truth. This demonstrates how important the act of truth-telling is to Lee, as well as its role in helping her heal from trauma, highlighting The Impact of Trauma on Individual Identity.

The uptick in emotional actions and reactions demonstrated in the time-situating scenes parallels the increase in overall emotion in the two flashbacks. Lee’s interaction with Kellie in the grocery store is nothing more than a look that passes between them, but Kellie’s fierce communication of anger stays with Lee for three years, prompting much of her remorse. The other flashback, which closes this chapter section and leaves a conflict summary for Lee’s letter readers, is Lee’s truthful account of the shooting and the events in the girls' bathroom. This flashback is positioned in a key location in the overall narrative, as the moment of revelation, which is straightforwardly recapped by Lee, comes gradually. The truth of the girls’ bathroom has already been stated: Sarah died quietly while someone else—Kellie—talked to the shooter. However, this section reveals Lee’s feelings about this moment: Sarah died afraid and in prayer, and this makes her no less worthy of love and recognition than if she had died facing the shooter, pleading her faith. The collective effect of these emotional scenes, both recent events and flashbacks, is an increase in pace and suspense; they also foreshadow the need for Lee’s coming-of-age in the last section, as her ability to process conflict must improve before she can determine the crucial ultimate plan for the letters.

Structurally, two victim portraits briefly interrupt the recent events and flashbacks in this section. Like previous portraits, these serve the purpose of identifying Jared and Aiden beyond the tragic circumstances of their deaths. Aiden’s portrait serves an added narrative purpose; now that Lee has lost Ashley as a friend, she must rely on Miles’s help as a go-between to request and receive Ashley’s portrait of Aiden. This complicates the relationship between Miles and Lee (though Lee does not appear to realize it), since Miles is not entirely on board with “Lee’s project.” Lee doesn’t hesitate in seeking Miles’s help, though she knows he is uncomfortable with involvement; this demonstrates Lee’s single-mindedness and narrow focus on getting the job done. Though her determination is admirable, she does not fully consider the feelings of other survivors, highlighting the messiness of grief after tragedy and suggesting that it is common to put one’s pain first in the face of profound loss. 

Lee, in fact, resists any suggestion that she may not be able to follow through on her project. Reaching her goal of a compilation of all survivor accounts means Kellie must participate, and even when her mother and Miles question Kellie’s desire to do so, Lee stubbornly insists that Kellie will want the same chance to tell the truth that Lee has decided is best. This demonstrates indirectly that her character arc is not quite ready for growth and maturation.

Lee has, however, adjusted in one regard: She is now better able to communicate her desired outcome for the project regarding Sarah. In the early sections of the novel, Lee wanted to mend others’ false narratives about Sarah because the details surrounding her death felt like lies. Amidst this section’s stronger emotional scenes, Lee refines her goal: “I want Sarah to be remembered, but I want her to be remembered for the person she truly was, not the person the world wants her to be” (263). This subtle but significant shift represents the theme of The Complexities of Truth and Perspective.

That Lee refines her goal for Sarah’s memory proves she is capable of greater growth and maturation. While the emotional events of this section do not compel Lee’s character to great change in the moment, she is now primed for change in the coming scenes, where her growth and mindset will lead to her ultimate choice to hand the final decision of whether to share the survivors’ stories with Kellie, the survivor who was shunned.