The Art of Courtly Love

Chapter 2 concerns “how a love, once consummated, may be increased” (153). Lovers should not see each other often. Jealousy is “the nurse of love” (153). Love rarely survives an affair being made public, but if it does, then love will increase. The existence of a rival increases love, as do opposition to the affair by parents and “dwelling with delight” (154) on thoughts of the beloved. The beloved’s manner of speaking and carriage can also increase love. Andreas offers these as examples, noting others exist as well.

In Chapter 3, Andreas examines “in what ways love may be decreased” (154). Love decreases when lovers see each other too often, when one has an “uncultured” (154) appearance or becomes suddenly poor. Avarice, dishonesty, indiscretion, infidelity, blasphemy, and not being charitable all lead to the decline of love. Men who do not respect their lovers’ modesty and mock them for being bashful also decrease love, along with “many more things” (156) that lovers discover in the course of pursuing love. Once love begins to decline, it typically ends quickly.

Andreas discusses “how love may come to an end” (156). Love may come to an end when a lover is unfaithful, strays from the Catholic faith, or fails to come to the aid of the lover in need. It can also end when love is unequal or a lover deceitful, if the lovers marry, if a lover becomes “incapable of carrying out love’s duties,” “becomes insane” (156-57), or becomes suddenly shy. Greed and litigiousness can cause love to decrease. If any one of these is done through ignorance rather than character defects, love may be revived, but trust between lovers will likely suffer irrevocably. Andreas notes these are examples, and the lover should learn more through his own efforts.  

Andreas describes “indications that one’s love is returned” (157). Signs one’s love is not returned include a lover missing opportunities to get together, creating unnecessary obstacles, seeming half-hearted about giving or receiving solaces, not sending the usual messages, finding fault with everything the lover does, and becoming unusually demanding. One’s love is clearly returned when a woman “turns pale in the presence of her lover” (158). Lovers can test their beloved’s commitment by pretending to be interested in someone else or pretending to be angry with them, which will reveal how much the beloved cares. 

Andreas explores what to do “if one of the lovers is unfaithful to the other” (159) through a range of scenarios. If the unfaithful lover is a man, his infidelity indicates that he no longer loves the woman since it is impossible to love two people at once. He has proven himself unworthy of the woman’s love, and she should treat him like a stranger because a lover who has moved on can rarely be brought back to the old love. If a woman insists on trying to keep her lover, she should hide her intentions, pretend she does not care about his new affair, and stay out of sight. If this does not work, she should pretend to be interested in a new man. If none of these work, the woman should try to forget her lover. To avoid a scenario of this kind, women should be careful not to let deceitful men of poor character fool them.

If a man is unfaithful as a result of passion rather than love for another woman, he should be forgiven, especially if the other woman is a “strumpet” or “servant girl” (161). However, if his passions are excessive or the object of his affection an honorable woman, then he is probably best forgotten. A woman should never give her man permission to love another woman, but if she does, he would be wrong to act on her permission.

If the woman is the unfaithful party, the man should under no circumstances accept her because she no longer loves him, and women should be punished for being “wanton” (162). A man who wishes to remain with such a woman is a degenerate who is “wholly unworthy of any help and worse than a dead man” (163). If a woman kisses or embraces a man other than her lover but goes no further, she should be scolded and reminded that such signs of love should be given only to her lover as an indication of what is to follow.

Additional topics Andreas addresses include that a man cannot feel “pure love” for one woman and “mixed love” for another since both forms of love arise “from the same feeling of the heart” (164). If a woman is “force[d] or violated” (164), it is not her fault unless she repeats the act later by consent. It is sinful for a woman to encourage another woman to accept a new lover when she already has a “suitable” (164) one. If either men or women mistakenly accept lovers who prove unworthy, they should attempt to improve their lovers’ characters. However, if their efforts fail, they are permitted to abandon the old love and accept a new one. Prostitutes cannot be unfaithful since this form of love is so “filthy” (166) that it allows for no privileges. Since lovers promise to obey each other’s desires, women should not refuse men if they initially agree to enjoy “pure love” but then decide they want “mixed or common one” (167).