38 pages • 1 hour read
Michael Bungay StanierThe Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
Nonfiction | Book | AdultA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Summary
Background
Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Key Figures
Themes
Index of Terms
Important Quotes
Essay Topics
Tools
BetaThemes
Effective Communication
The strategies of The Coaching Habit all reinforce the theme of effective communication. Michael Bungay Stanier points out the weaknesses in ineffective strategies and then proposes new approaches to the same problems. He claims one should resist the urge to offer advice: “Tell less and ask more. Your advice is not as good As you think it is” (59). Advice is often given by default because managers assume it’s being sought, but to Bungay Stanier, this is an undermining strategy that interrupts communication. An employee may be looking for advice, but what they ultimately want is to be heard. A manager should use questions to elicit willing information from their employee. This leads to a more productive, reciprocal conversation in which real concerns are addressed.
Bungay Stanier recognizes many managers’ instinct to give advice: “Even if it’s the wrong advice—and it often is—giving it feels more comfortable than the ambiguity of asking a question” (60). In this case, giving advice fulfills an expected outcome, a formality. Advice is sometimes necessary, but should not be a default. Instead, it should emerge in organic conversation with an employee. Reciprocal communication allows a manager to truly know what their employee needs or wants, while ensuring both parties retain agency. This reciprocity leads to more effective learning, as it offers employees a chance to retain information, especially when asked questions requiring recall. Bungay Stanier believes, “People don’t really learn when you tell them something. They don’t even really learn when they do something. They start learning, start creating new neural pathways, only when they have a chance to recall and reflect on what just happened” (187). Therefore, a conversation in which there is equal give and take, as well as recall, is more effective than one-sided advice.
Coaching Techniques
Early in the book, Bungay Stanier establishes a need for a more useful approach to coaching in manager-employee relationships. He cites research from the leadership development firm, BlessingWhite, suggesting that “73 percent of managers had some form of coaching training” (4). This research reveals a current trend toward providing people with leadership skills necessary for the modern workplace. However, BlessingWhite also reports that “[o]nly 23 percent of people being coached—yes, fewer than one in four—thought that the coaching had a significant impact on their performance or job satisfaction” (4). There is a disconnect between managers’ training and how employees feel about their own training by these managers—which seems to not leave an impact. Bungay Stanier attempts to situate his book in this gap and offer a more impactful approach to leadership through use of patience and other tactics.
Bungay Stanier identifies the traps of ineffective leadership: “When you build a coaching habit, you can more easily break out of three vicious circles that plague our workplaces: creating overdependence, getting overwhelmed and becoming disconnected” (9). He presents tactics to mitigate these vicious circles, to “[help] others and [unlock] their potential” (7). These tactics create conditions in which employees can learn to solve problems themselves, which leads to a greater sense of achievement and engagement. Effective leadership does not adhere to a top-down command structure, but rather a structure in which employees feel safe, heard, and conducive to coaching. This holds true even if an employee is looking for advice. An effective manager should use the book’s seven key questions to lead employees to develop their own problem-solving skills.
Fostering Meaningful Conversations
Bungay Stanier argues that fostering meaningful conversations benefits both employee and manager. Promoting effective communication empowers employees to actively solve their own problems while preventing their manager from taking on this workload. When beginning a conversation, both employees and managers might come to the table with preconceived ideas of what the conversation will or should be about: “The illusion that both parties to the conversation know what the other party wants is pervasive, and it sets the stage for plenty of frustrating exchanges” (113). The book’s seven key questions are designed to foster meaningful conversations by giving employees the floor, rather than positioning their manager to steer the conversation.
Manager-employee conversations do not always get to the root of issues. Employees sometimes take a circuitous route to get to the point, in which case, their manager’s patience is crucial for fostering meaningful conversations. Bungay Stanier proposes a line of questioning that leads employees to address what is on their mind. A manager should let their employees speak, and genuinely listen to their answers. This strategy involves allowing silence in conversations, as employees will often organize their thoughts and carefully decide how to say what they need to say. Silence is not necessarily a bad thing. Although it can be uncomfortable, Bungay Stanier advises managers to “[b]ite your tongue, and don’t fill the silence. […] I know it creates space for learning and insight” (129). Again, to foster meaningful conversations that lead to employee empowerment and mutual understanding, managers should learn the nuances of effective communication—which includes active listening, allowing for silence, and resisting the urge to “save” employees with advice.
