The Country Wife

At the start of Act II, Pinchwife spies on his wife, Mrs. Margery Pinchwife, as she talks with his sister, Alithea. Margery doesn’t understand why Pinchwife becomes so upset when she wants to dress up or walk around town. Alithea explains that Pinchwife is jealous and worried that she will find another man. Margery wonders how she is supposed to fall for another man when she isn’t allowed to meet any. Pinchwife enters and reprimands his befuddled wife and makes her cry. Then he yells at his sister for “keep[ing] the men of scandalous reputations company” (61) and attempting to turn his wife into “a jill-flirt, a gadder, a magpie, and—to say all—a mere notorious town woman” (59) like herself. Alithea protests that her reputation is untarnished. Margery interjects and defends Alithea, claiming that she refuses to tell her anything about the city, no matter how much Margery asks. He chides his wife for liking the actors in the play but becomes calmer when she assures him that she does not love them. Pinchwife insists that to love him, she must hate London. He tells her that they will not go to any more plays, although Margery tells him that this only makes her want to go. Pinchwife admits that “one of the lewdest fellows in town” (62), Horner, had spotted her at the theatre and said he loved her.

Margery is intrigued about the mysterious stranger who professed his love, but Pinchwife asserts, “he would but ruin you, as he has done hundreds. He has no other love for women, but that; such as he look upon women like basilisks but to destroy ’em” (64). Margery is confused as to how a man could love her but also destroy her and angers Pinchwife by wanting to know more about him. Sparkish and Harcourt arrive, and Pinchwife forces his wife to hide so that they will not see her. Sparkish introduces Harcourt to Alithea, his wife-to-be, telling her, “I told you I’d bring you acquainted with all my friends” (64). In an aside, Pinchwife muses, “Ay, they shall know her, as well as you yourself will, I warrant you” (64-65). Sparkish asks Harcourt what he thinks about his fiancée, and Harcourt expresses his wish that he could have a woman just like her. Harcourt exclaims, “Truly, madam, I was never an enemy to marriage till now, because marriage was never an enemy to me before” (66). Sparkish is sympathetic for Harcourt’s unrequited affection toward Alithea, but Pinchwife scoffs at Sparkish for allowing Harcourt to “make love to his wife to his face” (66).

Sparkish tells Harcourt that Alithea is also witty but shy in front of him, so he suggests that Harcourt take her aside to hear her wit. As Harcourt does so, Pinchwife explodes at Sparkish for his foolishness in facilitating his future wife’s (and Pinchwife’s sister) spending time alone with another man. Sparkish laughs at Pinchwife and physically holds him back when Pinchwife tries to break the pair apart. Harcourt and Alithea talk in the corner, and Harcourt is begging Alithea not to marry Sparkish. Harcourt claims that Sparkish doesn’t love her but the thought of making others envious. Alithea insists that she must honor her obligation to Sparkish for the sake of her reputation. Harcourt insults Sparkish, and Alithea calls Sparkish over to inform him that Harcourt is not his friend. But Sparkish refuses to believe that any insulting comment or advances Harcourt made was anything but a joke. When Alithea finally makes Sparkish believe that he was serious, Sparkish prepares to draw his weapon for a duel, and Alithea quickly discourages him, betraying that she doesn’t really hate Harcourt’s flirting. She claims that Harcourt was only testing her virtue and Sparkish apologizes for becoming angry. Sparkish tells Harcourt and Alithea that they need to leave to catch the new play, and Alithea chides that she doesn’t want to go if Sparkish plans to leave her by herself in their box. Sparkish tells her that he will leave her with Harcourt so that she won’t be alone. They exit.

Pinchwife scorns men like Sparkish who are “cuckolds before they’re married” (72). He is about to call on his wife when Lady Fidget, Mrs. Dainty Fidget, and Mrs. Squeamish enter. They are there to take Margery to the theatre. Pinchwife refuses, claiming that she has “locked the door and is gone abroad” (73). Undeterred, the women argue that they know that he has locked her in and that they will not leave without her. Pinchwife tells them that his wife has smallpox, but the women insist that they have also had it and need to look in on her. Pinchwife gives in, lamenting, “Well, there is no being too hard for women at their own weapon, lying” (73). As they wait, the three women complain that their men cheat on them, women of station and breeding, with lower class women. Mrs. Squeamish bemoans, “Well, ’tis an arrant shame noble persons should be so wronged and neglected” (75). They debate whether it is a problem for a woman of nobility to allow “little inconsiderable fellows” to “defame her own noble person (75) and determine that the issue is honor and public besmirching of their character. Therefore, “a woman of honour loses no honour with a private person” (76).

Sir Jaspar, Horner, and Dorilant enter. Jaspar compliments his wife for her virtue, exclaiming, “[T]hou hast still so much honor in thy mouth,” and Horner says, aside, “That she has none elsewhere” (76). Jaspar tells the ladies that he has business to tend to at court and is therefore sending them to the play with Horner since “there can be no more scandal to go with him” (76). Lady Fidget protests, calling Horner a “nasty fellow” (76), and Jaspar takes her aside and whispers to her, leaving Horner and Dorilant with Mrs. Squeamish and Dainty, who tell the two men to stay away from them. Horner calls the ladies “pretenders to honour” (77). When Jaspar asks Horner to escort the women to the play, Horner protests, claiming, “I will not be seen in women’s company in public again for the world” (78). Horner insists that he hates all women now, and Lady Fidget replies, “You are very obliging, sir, because we would not be troubled with you” (79). Dorilant offers to take the ladies to the theatre, but Jaspar refuses, noting that Horner can be among virtuous women, implying that they are safe with him while there is no such guarantee with Dorilant. Dorilant exits in search of Pinchwife.

Jaspar asks Horner why he persists in rejecting the “sweet society of womankind” (79). Horner compares women to dogs who are warm and loving until they give you fleas and mange, adding that a dog is more loyal than a woman. Jaspar reminds Horner that his mother was a woman. Jaspar urges the women to accept Horner as their escort, since he has money and will be much more interesting than the “two old civil gentlemen (with stinking breaths too)” who are otherwise available to “wait on them abroad” (79). Lady Fidget agrees reluctantly, stating, “[M]oney makes up in a measure all other wants in men” (80). Jaspar turns to Horner, offering that since Horner has no woman of his own, he should “call [Jaspar’s] wife mistress, and she shall call you gallant” (80). Horner feigns hesitancy before finally agreeing “for [Jaspar’s] sake” (80). Lady Fidget agrees to give Horner “admittance and freedom” (81). Horner asks, “All sorts of freedom, madam?” (81). Jaspar quickly agrees, “Ay, ay, ay, all sorts of freedom thou canst take” (81), sending them to talk aside and get to know one another.

While Lady Fidget and Horner whisper, Jaspar approaches his sister, Dainty, and Mrs. Squeamish. Jaspar asserts that Horner is “an innocent playfellow” (81). They resist, and Jaspar begins to whisper to them. Lady Fidget happily discovers that Horner is no more impotent than he was before he went to France and calls him “generous, so truly a man of honour” (82) for spreading such an embarrassing rumor in order to save the noble women who take him as a lover from having their virtue challenged. She worries that, if they fight, Horner might announce to the world that he was lying and destroy her reputation, but Horner insists that “the reputation of impotency is as hardly recovered again in the world as that of cowardice” (83). Lady Fidget submits to allow Horner to “do [his] worst” (83), and Jaspar interrupts to ask if they have come to an understanding. Lady Fidget agrees that they have. She affirms to the other women that Horner is suitable: “Master Horner is a thousand, thousand times a better man than I thought him” (83). Jaspar contentedly leaves to tend to his business. Lady Fidget muses, “Who for his business, from his wife will run, takes the best care, to have her business done” (84).