The Country Wife

In Scene One, Alithea asks Margery why she seems to be so gloomy, and Margery admits that she is sad because she is kept “at home like a poor lonely sullen bird in a cage” (85). She tells her sister-in-law that she never realized what she was missing until Pinchwife told her about the lives of London women. Pinchwife intervenes, accusing Alithea of “putting the town pleasures in her head, and setting her a-longing” (85). Alithea argues that Pinchwife is the one who gives her longings for life in town. Pinchwife took her to the play and is therefore the reason that she is now asking to go to the theatre again. Pinchwife exclaims that he will be happy to be rid of his sister when she marries Sparkish tomorrow night and to take his wife back to the country early the following morning.

This does not make Margery happy, and she concedes that she has been unsettled since Pinchwife told her that a man had seen her at the play and expressed his love for her. Pinchwife tells his wife that she is going to make him jealous, a feeling that has not been a part of their marriage before then. Margery begs him to take her to the play so that she can watch the players and see the man who supposedly loves her. If it’s too late to go to the theatre, she wants a chance to go out and see the town before they go back to the country. Margery wants to go to the Exchange, a busy shopping district downtown. Alithea suggests that she wear a mask so that she can see the town but the town cannot see her. Pinchwife worries that a mask will only make people more curious and decides instead to dress her as a man.

Scene Two takes place at the Exchange, and Horner, Harcourt, and Dorilant enter. They discuss Horner’s newfound hatred for women, and Harcourt and Dorilant are curious as to why Horner is still spending so much time with women if he despises them so much. Horner suggests that spending time with women only makes him hate them more, claiming, “In short, I converse with ’em, as you do with rich fools, to laugh at ’em and use ’em ill” (90). Dorilant and Harcourt chide Horner for leaving them to drink with women he cannot sleep with. Harcourt admits that he is in love with Alithea, who is set to marry Sparkish tomorrow, and asks his companions how to win her. Sparkish enters, and Horner says, “Why, here comes one will help you to her” (92). Confused, Harcourt points out that Sparkish is his rival for Alithea’s affections. Horner explains, “No, a foolish rival and a jealous husband assist their rival’s designs; for they are sure to make their women hate them, which is the first step to their love for another man” (92). Sparkish, oblivious, jokes that Alithea said that Harcourt was flirting with her throughout the play. Harcourt claims that she is only lying to make herself seem more attractive and wanted.

As Sparkish describes, he and several other “wits” (93) spent much of the play making fun of Horner. Horner tells him that he assumed they were laughing at the play, and Sparkish pontificates about how he and his friends “are so often louder than the players […] because we think we speak more wit, and so become the poet’s rivals in the audience” (93). Horner, Harcourt, and Dorilant egg Sparkish on as he complains about poets and playwrights—how they write for the attention of women and the fact that they mock not only the servant class but also gentlemen. Sparkish exclaims, “[T]hey have kept me these six years from being a knight in earnest” (94), because he was afraid that he might be ridiculed in a play. He does, however, pay artists to paint him because artists omit his flaws. Pinchwife appears with Margery (dressed as a man), Alithea, and her maid Lucy. Sparkish hides behind Harcourt—although Harcourt tells him that the women can see him—and says that he has to go to Whitehall to attend the king’s meal. Harcourt calls him a fool for believing his presence at Whitehall is needed, but Sparkish continues hiding.

Horner spots Margery, who is attempting to shop for plays although her husband redirects her. Taken by the woman, who Sparkish thinks must be Margery’s brother, he enlists Dorilant to go with him and follow Pinchwife and his entourage. Harcourt reminds Sparkish that Alithea has seen him and he had better speak to her or she would be angry. Also, Harcourt wants Sparkish to reconcile him to Alithea so that they can be friends. Sparkish tells Harcourt that he wouldn’t approach her for his own sake (or hers) but will for Harcourt’s—especially since marriage tends to ruin a man’s friendships. In an aside, Harcourt notes that “a rival is the best cloak to steal a mistress under, without suspicion” (97). Pinchwife and his disguised wife return. He wants to leave, threatened by all the men around them, but Alithea and Margery do not. Sparkish reenters with Alithea and Harcourt, attempting to convince Alithea to be friendly to Harcourt. Alithea argues, “I hate him because he is your enemy; and you ought to hate him too, for making love to me, if you love me” (98). But Sparkish can’t understand why he should hate a man for loving his fiancée.

In fact, Sparkish takes Harcourt’s advances as a compliment. Harcourt claims that by attempting to protect Sparkish’s honor, Alithea is suggesting that he cannot protect it himself. Sparkish agrees, adding that he wouldn’t marry a woman whose honor was so suspect that she couldn’t be trusted with a friend. Alithea begins to get upset that Sparkish refuses to be jealous over her or express any fear of losing her. Sparkish responds, crying, “Gad, I see virtue makes a woman as troublesome as a little reading or learning” (100), which Alithea finds offensive. Lucy, the maid, comments that a man who is so easy to cheat on is wasted on a woman who is determined to be so proper. Alithea asserts that Harcourt is attempting to steal her and marry her, but Sparkish scoffs. Harcourt speaks up, swearing that Sparkish is a “good gentleman” who “believes all I say” (100) and that he only desires that Alithea favor him. Harcourt confesses his love to Alithea, which concerns Sparkish, but then Harcourt says that he loves Sparkish. Alithea tries to tell Sparkish that Harcourt’s praise is only veiled insult, but Sparkish does not understand. Sparkish accuses her, as a woman, of thinking that any man who speaks politely to her is trying to woo her. He pushes Harcourt to describe his love, and Harcourt says that he loves her “with all [his] soul” (102). Sparkish, relieved, assures a horrified Alithea that what he describes is certainly “no matrimonial love” (102).

Harcourt continues to declare his love to Alithea under the guise that he is speaking to Sparkish. Sparkish insists that Alithea, who tries to leave, stay and make friends with Harcourt. Pinchwife and Margery enter in time to hear Sparkish urging Alithea to kiss Harcourt to seal their friendship. Pinchwife warns Sparkish that he is inviting infidelity, but Sparkish states, “I love to be envied, and would not marry a wife that I alone could love” (105). Sparkish exits to go to Whitehall, leaving his fiancée behind. Harcourt asks Alithea if he may visit in the morning and marry her before Sparkish arrives. Pinchwife attempts to take the women home, but Horner and Dorilant enter. Horner acts offended when Pinchwife tries to brush him off, insisting that “this pretty young gentleman” (106)—referring to Margery—must stay out with them even if Pinchwife wants to go home. Pinchwife thinks that Horner likely knows that she is his wife but does not want to give up the ruse in case he doesn’t. Still attempting to usher the women home, Pinchwife claims that the mysterious youth is his wife’s brother.

Horner comments that he can see the resemblance between the young man and the woman he saw at the play, and Margery realizes that Horner is the man who said he loved her. In an aside, she admits that she loves him too. Harcourt and Dorilant point out that if this is his wife’s brother, Margery must be much more beautiful than Pinchwife has led them to believe. Horner tells Dorilant that they will torture Pinchwife for his jealousy. First, Horner tries to invite himself over for supper with Margery. Then, he tells “him” to give Margery a kiss for him and kisses her. Both Horner and Dorilant kiss her before saying goodnight and leaving with Harcourt. Pinchwife leaves to find a carriage, and the three men return. Horner flirts with Margery and then leads her away. Harcourt insists that Alithea cannot leave until she answers his question. Pinchwife returns to discover that his wife has gone. He exits, reenters, and then exits again in search of her. Alithea begs Harcourt to let her go, but Harcourt asks for an explanation as to why she won’t marry him. Alithea tells him that since Sparkish has been faithful, she must be as well. Meanwhile, Dorilant holds Lucy back and keeps her from getting away.

Pinchwife returns, unable to find his wife. He curses Alithea and Lucy for allowing Margery to go off with Horner. Suddenly, Margery runs in with her hat full of fruit, pursued by Horner. They insist that Horner only gave her oranges, but Pinchwife is suspicious. Then Sir Jaspar enters, wondering why Horner has kept his wife and sister waiting. Horner claims that he has been waiting for him. Horner kisses Margery again, and Dorilant asks Jaspar if he can’t go back to his house with Horner. Jaspar exclaims that only Horner can go with him and be around the women because he is a eunuch. Jaspar and Horner leave. Dorilant laments that access to the women is wasted on Horner since he can’t use it. Harcourt agrees. Pinchwife tells his wife to go with him. Harcourt wishes Alithea a good night although he “dare not name the other half of [his] wish” (114). Alithea responds, “Good night, sir, for ever” (114). Margery gives her husband the orange she is holding, but he does not want it.