61 pages • 2 hours read
Abby JimenezThe Friend Zone
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2019A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Making Sacrifices for Loved Ones
Throughout the narrative, Jimenez makes it clear that both Kristen and Josh are willing to forfeit some aspect of their lives for the sake of their romantic connection, and while some of these concessions are positive, others prove to be quite harmful to them both. Kristen’s main sacrifice—at least in her eyes—is her decision to forgo a relationship with Josh altogether even though she loves him and knows that she will be unhappy without him. Misguidedly assuming that she his only holding him back, she chooses to let him go so that he may one day meet a different woman who can help him realize his dream of having a large family. She also holds the toxic belief that she is not worthy of Josh’s love. Although her sacrifice shows that she wants Josh to be happy, this decision makes them both miserable, and she ultimately learns that this drama is entirely unnecessary since Josh is willing to stay with her regardless of her medical conditions.
While Kristen is going through this internal struggle, Josh makes many smaller sacrifices for the sake of her comfort. He agrees to limit their connection to a casual “friends with benefits” scenario even when he wants more, and despite the distance she places between them, he always looks out for her well-being and comfort. When she does eventually tell him that she cannot have children, he makes further sacrifices when he reassures her that he would rather be with her and remain childless than find someone else and have a large family. He is also willing to consider alternative options such as in-vitro fertilization (IVF), surrogacy, adoption, and becoming a foster parent. His steadfast willingness to accommodate Kristen indicates the authenticity of his romantic interest in her.
The novel sends a complicated message about the nature of sacrifices, because Kristen and Josh’s sacrifices end up hurting each other and are eventually rendered unnecessary by the requisite “happily ever after” conclusion. Additionally, Jimenez engineers several examples in which sacrifices lead to long-term resentment. This dynamic is made clear in Kristen’s dysfunctional relationship with her mother, Evelyn, who still holds an irrational grudge against her daughter for the fact that Kristen’s unexpected arrival in the world derailed Evelyn’s career. Because Evelyn has made this known to Kristen, the protagonist now feels guilty that her mother had to sacrifice so much for her. Later, Kristen talks about her fear of that same guilt and resentment, believing that if she and Josh were to launch into a full-blown relationship, she would spend the rest of her life feeling guilty and apologizing for her own perceived inadequacies. Ultimately, both Kristen and Josh demonstrate their love for each other by making sacrifices, but the author implies that those who love each other would never want the other person to sacrifice their happiness.
The Importance of Honest Communication
Much of the conflict in The Friend Zone stems from the characters’ reluctance to tell each other the full truth of their fears and inhibitions. Throughout most of the novel, Kristen is the primary culprit of this damaging behavior. For a person who prides herself in saying what she thinks and avoiding “drama,” she hides crucial information from her loved ones even when she knows that simply telling them the truth could mitigate her circumstances. She repeatedly justifies her secretive behavior by telling herself that she does not want anyone to worry about her or feel sorry for her. Given that her mother has made her feel unworthy of love, it is clear that she doesn’t want to jeopardize her current connections with her friends and romantic partners; however, by keeping important matters from them, she thoroughly damages these connections herself.
This behavior is in evidence even before she and Josh become deeply connected, for Kristen does not tell Tyler that someone recently tried to break into her house, nor does she share the full details of her medical conditions and physical pain. Because he is thousands of miles away, she rationalizes that telling him these details would only worry him to no purpose. Because she avoids unpleasant topics on the phone and they almost never see each other in person, Tyler does not know much about Kristen’s daily life.
Kristen also decides not to tell Sloan the full extent of her health condition, acting from a misguided sense of protectiveness. Her main motivation is to refrain from taking the focus away from Sloan’s wedding preparations, and she continues to suffer in silence for the sake of her friend’s emotional well-being during this important time. However, when she finally does tell Sloan, the news is not as painful for Sloan as it is for Kristen herself, and the narrative suggests that she would have done better to tell her friend much earlier in order to access the moral support that she so clearly needs.
However, the most crucial example of Kristen’s habit of withholding information occurs when she does not tell Josh about her uterine fibroids or admit that she will soon be getting a hysterectomy and will not be able to have children. From the beginning, she tells Josh that they cannot be in a relationship, leaving him justifiably confused. Left with no concrete explanation for her behavior, he begins to question himself and is repeatedly hurt by Kristen’s rejections, not realizing how much she secretly cares for him. When she finally does tell him the truth, he is angry that Kristen unilaterally made the decision for them both. Ironically, Kristen’s own fear of being rejected and her need to remain in control have caused unnecessary pain for her and Josh of them. In the end, Kristen learns that the important people in her life, like Josh and Sloan, will love her unconditionally. When she finally lets Josh love her and take care of her, Kristen is surprised at how calm and peaceful she feels.
Building Connections Through Platonic Friendship
Though the “friend zone” is not a place where Josh wants to be with Kristen, Jimenez uses multiple aspects of the narrative to emphasize the importance of building platonic friendships as a starting point for more meaningful relationships. To this end, the dynamics of the secondary characters reflect the value of platonic relationships that remain steady and stable over the years. For example, Sloan and Kristen have known each other since they were children, and their contrasting personalities bring complementary strengths to their friendship. Because Kristen’s mother was always so harsh and demanding, Kristen has turned to Sloan for the comfort and unconditional love that she did not receive at home. Likewise, Kristen brings a voice of reason and rationality to the friendship, countering with Sloan’s heightened emotional sensibilities with calm logic.
While Josh and Brandon have not been friends for as long as the women have, they have built a strong bond of camaraderie based upon their mutual experiences as Marines and as firemen and first responders. The intense nature of their work has required them to navigate a barrage of life-threatening emergencies together, and their own friendship and mutual understanding has been strengthened through these experiences. When Josh breaks up with Celeste, he comes to California so that he can work at Brandon’s fire department. If the two were not so close, Josh may never have ever come to California and met Kristen at all. Thus, even the platonic relationships described in the novel have considerable bearing upon the plot.
Although the phrase “friend zone” often carries a negative connotation when at least one person in the relationship is trying to kindle a romance, the novel also indicates that romances built on friendship are often the strongest. At first, Kristen places many boundaries on her relationship with Josh, and although this results in some mutual frustration, it also allows both characters to gain a more realistic sense of each other, and they form a deep friendship even before the option for a physical relationship and romance become possible.
Throughout the novel, both protagonists show that their other platonic friendships are a deeply important part of their lives. Even when they are still regarding each other as no more than friends, Josh and Kristen take care of each other, listen to each other, and want each other to be happy. This approach contrasts sharply with Kristen and Tyler’s relationship, for as Sloan observes, Tyler is not the best match for Kristen and does not fit in well with the larger group of friends. Conversely, when Josh is saying his wedding vows to Kristen near the end of the novel, he vows to also take care of Sloan as if she were his sister, making it a point to honor the important role she and Brandon have played in Kristen’s life and in his own.
Related Titles
By Abby Jimenez
