The Impossible Knife of Memory

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2014

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Summary

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-25

Chapters 26-42

Chapters 43-59

Chapters 60-77

Chapters 78-94

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

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Discussion Questions

Symbols & Motifs

Sand

Sand is a motif that represents the horror of war. In the chapters from Andy’s perspective, he describes sand as destructive and difficult to remove. In a literal sense, he is talking about the sand from the deserts of the Middle East, where he served. Sand can be destructive, like the sandstorm that he saw kill a disabled girl. He uses the motif of sand to represent the experiences he cannot forget. He says, “I still believe in honor, but sand plugs my heart. It sifts through the holes in my brain” (236). He also says, “I wash and wash trying to get rid of the sand. Every grain is a memory” (301). The same way a sandstorm is all encompassing, so too are his memories. He says that “the worst of it is seeing the sand sweep across the deep sea-blue of [his] daughter’s eyes” (301). This shows that the horror of war extends beyond those who fight in it—it also affects the ones they love.

Gloaming

Gloaming is a symbol that represents Hayley and Andy’s states of mind. As Andy describes, gloaming is the moment “when the sun is below the horizon, but it’s still light enough to see” (142) and “that short, murky time between half-light and dark” (144). Hayley and Andy often live as if they are existing (or surviving) rather than truly living; they have just enough light to see, but the sun is already gone. Gloaming is a “short, murky time,” which suggests that it is an unclear state of mind as well as one that knows the darkness of night is near.

Hayley describes her dad’s reticence and states that “the gloaming that closed over us in the cemetery had crawled inside his skin” (148). Visiting his deceased wife and mother’s graves exacerbates Andy’s depression. Once the gloaming of that visit ends in night, his emotional state turns to darkness too. In another instance, after a date with Finn, Hayley says that “the gloaming had come and gone while [they] were in Friendly’s” (168). When she arrives home, her dad is blackout drunk and threatens Finn with an ax. This illustrates how Andy slips beyond “gloaming” into a state of greater emotional darkness.

At the end of the novel, Hayley and Finn are hopeful about the future and wake up “in the morning gloaming, when the birds started to sing” (389). This introduces a counterpart to the gloaming before night; the morning gloaming precedes the sunrise, which suggests that things will only get better and brighter. This does not mean that everything is perfect. For example, Andy walks the dog twice a day and “com[es] home in the gloaming, just before dark” (387). This symbolism illustrates that Andy will always carry his trauma with him, but he has learned to avoid being swallowed up by that emotional darkness.

The Quarry

The quarry is a symbol of danger and excitement. High school students like to throw parties at the quarry because it is risky and rebellious; students have died there before. Hayley is curious about the quarry, and when she goes there with Finn, she sits on the edge. She feels a rush that she cannot explain and nearly jumps in. She observes that “the whole place felt alive, somehow, like the ground knew we were here, like it remembered every person who had stopped to enjoy this view” (160). The quarry excites Hayley because it is dangerous and she knows others have felt the same way sitting in the same place. She thinks she may have tried to fall in intentionally, wanting to fly. Her attraction to the danger and feeling of free fall reflect her unstable state of mind; falling would make her feel free of her problems, but it would likely result in her death.

The quarry is also a place where people go to commit suicide. Andy goes to the quarry for that reason. On that night, he and Hayley are both injured because she stands on snow unsupported by rock and nearly falls in. This is the second time Hayley nearly dies at the quarry, emphasizing that its danger is deceptive; both times, Hayley nearly fell she was not fully aware of her precarious situation.