The Way I Used to Be

After the incident with Josh, Eden looks forward to study hall the following day: “The next day it’s like my entire world revolves around preparing for study hall” (71). When she arrives, Josh is already there with his jock friends, in the same seat as yesterday. Josh’s friends are boisterously gesturing for Eden to sit next to Josh, but she takes a different seat closer to the door. After the teacher takes attendance, Eden rushes to get a library pass so that she can study there.

When she goes to leave, she furtively looks toward the back of the room where Josh is seated: “When I turn around to head for the door, Josh wave at me and points his thumb toward the empty desk next to his. As I get closer he motions for me to come over there. I really just want to run, though” (72). Before she leaves for the library, she goes over to Josh and his friends; Josh tells her he saved her a spot. When she tells him that she’s headed for the library today, Josh shrugs it off and says that tomorrow she’ll have to sit next to him.

Eden heads to Miss Sullivan’s office at the library. Miss Sullivan informs her that a student volunteer position just opened up at the library. Eden eagerly accepts. Going forward, Eden will spend her study hall period in the library, helping check out, sort, and shelf books at the library.

Walking home from school, Eden tells Mara about the attention she has been receiving from Josh during study hall: “‘So, something really weird happened yesterday,’ I tell Mara as we begin our walk home from school […] ‘And then he [Josh] was trying to talk to me, almost like he was actually … interested” (74). Mara is ecstatic that Josh Miller—a popular senior on the basketball team—is showing interest in Eden. When Mara finds out that Eden volunteered to be a library student volunteer, she is aghast: “I’m sorry, did you suffer a blow to the head?” (75). Eden admits that the attention from Josh, while flattering, scares her for some reason. Mara does not understand why Eden would be scared: “I just shrug. Because I can’t tell her [Mara] exactly what I mean. And I know she wouldn’t be able to understand even if I could” (76). 

Eden enjoys volunteering in the library during study hall, where she feels safe: “I have been working in the library for a full week. I like being around Miss Sullivan again” (77). After nearly a full week of spending her study halls in the library, Eden is confronted by Josh Miller there. He jokingly says she is a very difficult person to find. Eden is surprised to see him there in the library. She is drawn to him but presents a cold exterior: “We’re so close to each other, tucked away in this quiet aisle; it’s like there’s no one else in the entire world. Still, I take a small step toward him because it’s like he’s some kin do magnet, and I can’t not move closer” (78). Josh tells her that he has been saving that seat in study hall for her that entire week; Eden says she did not think he was serious about him saving her a seat. Josh asks her point blank if she does not like him for some reason. She says, no, she does not not like him. Josh laughs and suggests that they “do something” (78) sometime. Eden remains cool and responds with a maybe. 

It is nearly October and Eden waits outside on the school lawn for Mara after classes are done for the day: “Sitting in the grass next to the tennis courts, I pick those fuzzy white dandelions, absently blowing the little seeds off into the wind” (80). Josh approaches her and asks if she is making wishes on those dandelions. She responds that she is not the kind of girl that make wishes. Eden notes that it has been nearly two weeks since Josh approached her in the library, so she is “shocked” (81) that he is still pursuing her. Josh tells her that everyone wishes for things, but she maintains that she doesn’t. Eden is trying to instill the idea in Josh that she is not someone to “be messed with”: “I would look so much tougher if I had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I’m not to be messed with, that’s the impression I want to give him. I’m not naïve or stupid. In fact, I’m not even nice” (81).

Taken aback, but not wholly undeterred, Josh sits next to her in the grass. He tells her that he once did a science project on dandelions. His project had to do the life cycle of dandelions, and it was very difficult to find the ones that were in the in-between phase, transitioning from yellow to fuzzy white. The continue small talking, and he asks her again if she would like to go out together. When Eden says, “I don’t know,” Josh asks her if she is “screwing” (84) with him. She tells him no, not at all, but she still does not agree to go out with him. Josh cannot understand her ambivalent behavior: “His eyebrows pull together, a vertical line forming in the center of his forehead. He looks at me appraisingly. ‘Forget it,’ he finally says. ‘I can’t seem to get you right, I guess’” (84). Quietly, Eden says yes she will go out with him. Josh is delighted and exclaims “finally!” (85). He suggests they go out tomorrow night, just as Josh’s mother drives up to the school lawn to give him a ride home. Eden nods.

When Josh drives away, Amanda emerges from the tennis court: “She crosses her arms and looks me up and down, her face changing slowly, her upper lip curling into a snarl of disgust” (86). Eden angrily thinks that Amanda, whom she refers to as “Mandy,” if she is spying on her. Eden asks Amanda what her problem is and why does she not mind her own business. Amanda says she does not have a problem with Eden, though her behavior toward Eden is still hostile: “She steps in close to me, like that day on the front steps. And if I didn’t know better, I would think she was actually about to hit me” (86). Amanda tells Eden not to call her “Mandy” anymore and stalks off the tennis courts. 

Thinking of her date with Josh the next day, Eden can barely sleep that night. The next day, Eden gets to school early. The school is practically empty, so she smokes a cigarette in the empty girls’ bathroom before classes start. She hears someone coming and stomps out the cigarette; she hides in one of the stalls as two girls enter the bathroom. Eden watches covertly from the stall: Amanda and one of her friends take a permanent marker and write “Eden McCrorey is a whore” (88) on the bathroom pale pink tiles. Eden is shocked: “I can barely believe it. I can barely breathe” (88). Amanda’s friend asks why Eden is a “totally disgusting whore,” and Amanda explains that “she just is” (89). When Amanda and her friend leaves, Eden emerges from the stall crying and attempts to wipe away the words with a wad of paper towels. The words remain. Three popular girls enter the bathroom at that moment and laugh at phrase on the wall. One says, “Who the hell is Eden McCrorey, anyway?” and another one responds “A whore, apparently” (90). The popular girls laugh, and Eden stands there in a daze.

Eden heads to her locker, still upset, when Mara approaches and says she needs to speak with Eden. Mara is prepared to tell her about the rumor, but Eden tells her she already knows what is being written about her on the school’s bathroom walls. Mara says that it is crazy someone would start this rumor about Eden, of all people. Mara tells her that Cameron tried to scribble out the phrases posted to the boys’ bathrooms, which takes Eden by surprise because she had not considered it would have written on the walls of the boys’ bathrooms, too. As Eden’s best friend, Mara is so angry and sad over the incident on Eden’s behalf, and she invites Eden over to her place later that night. Eden declines because she already has plans that night with Josh Miller. Mara smiles, excited for Eden.

However, it dawns on Mara that perhaps Josh was the one to start the rumor: “‘Edy?’ Mara’s smile suddenly contracts. ‘You don’t think it was him, do you? Because if it was, then you definitely don’t want to go out with him, right?’” (92). Eden says she is positive that it was not Josh. Still, Mara implores Eden to be careful, given that Josh is older, implying that he may expect Eden to sleep with Josh. Mara says: “‘He’s older. I mean, what if he’s expecting something, you know?’ ‘So what if he is?’ I answer immediately. ‘I don’t know, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing’” (92). Mara is surprised that Eden is so eager to potentially have sex; Mara asks her if she is afraid. Eden says no, even though she is terrified:

I am afraid. But in this other way, I’m also more afraid of being afraid. Afraid of not doing it too. Afraid that maybe I would be too afraid to ever do it. That Kevin would continue to control me in these ways I had never even dreamed of (92).

Despite her fear, Eden jokes with Mara that perhaps the rumor is not just a rumor—maybe she is a “slut.” Mara scoffs, and says she knows the rumor is not true; if Eden wants to have sex, she has to be “really, really sure” (92). Mara is “horrified and delighted” (93) at the idea of Eden’s date with Josh that night. 

After school, Eden waits on the sidewalk near the tennis courts to meet Josh, wearing a silky, floral dress. Josh is surprised to find her there: “‘Hey! You’re really here?’ he says, greeting me with that smile” (94). Josh suggests going to a movie or getting a bite to eat, but since Josh’s parents are away from home for the night, Eden suggests just going there. Slightly confused, Josh agrees. They get into his car and drive away.

At Josh’s place, he shows her his CD collection and asks her what kind of music she likes. He plays one of the CDs and asks Eden if she enjoys it, but she can barely focus on the music. They sit on the bed together, and her mind races: “I could never have imagined a year earlier I would be in the bedroom of the guy I so violently had the urge to bludgeon to death that day in the hall” (96). Josh makes small talk with her, asking if she is indeed Caelin McCrorey’s little sister. It is one of the only facts he knows about Eden, Josh admits; she is a “mystery” (97) to him. Eden closes her eyes and suddenly they are kissing: “He’s kissing me. I try to let him, try not to think of the last time a boy’s mouth was on my mouth. I try to kiss back like this isn’t my first kiss. Because I have never been kissed, not really” (98). Eden’s mind automatically turns to Kevin, and the night of her assault, when she engages in sexual activity, even though it is consensual this time. Eden is terrified during the encounter, but she keeps telling herself to remain calm, to just pretend to be normal.

Sensing her fear, Josh asks her if something is wrong. Eden is paralyzed: “I can’t say yes, but I can’t say no, either. I close my eyes, trying to find the words” (99). Suddenly, Eden says she has to go, wiggling her way out from underneath Josh. Josh is bewildered at her abrupt decision to leave. He tries to tell convince her to stay, but she insists she has to go. Eden insinuates that that Josh just had her over to his place so he could have sex with her; Josh scoffs and reminds her that she is the one to insist that they spend their date at his family home. Eden says she change her mind, and now she needs to go home. Still confused, Josh agrees to drive her home.

When the reach the curb of her house, Josh invites Eden to a party tomorrow night. When Eden declines, Josh is offended: “This is, after all, a highly coveted invitation; I am being given a chance to rub elbows with kings and queens of proms and homecomings past and future. And I, just a lowly mortal peasant, have the gall to turn him down” (101). By way of explanation, Eden coolly tells him that she does not want to be Josh’s girlfriend; Josh rolls his eyes and tells her that he did not ask her to be his girlfriend. When Josh asks if “this is it” between them, Eden replies with standoffishness and ambivalence: “I shrug. ‘Maybe. Maybe not’” (102). Josh drives away.

The following week at school, Eden can sense that her reputation is changing: “By Monday, I start to notice something about the way people are looking at me. Like the world has suddenly divided into two distinct camps” (103). The “two camps” are either people who ignore her, per usual; or those who look at her with “disgust, pity, [and] intrigue” (103). The rumors that Eden is promiscuous are spreading around the school quickly.

Working in the library, Eden feels a sense of security amid the gossip. She is there shelving books when Josh approaches her, asking if she is still mad at him. Josh suggests that they “start over” (104), but Eden says that is not possible. She maintains a cold and calculated exterior toward him, even though inwardly she longs for intimacy with him. Eden says that, while they cannot begin anew, they can continue doing whatever it is they are doing. In so many words, she tells Josh she wants to keep pursuing the relationship, though she is quick to make sure that Josh does not interpret the nature of their relationship as a “boyfriend-girlfriend thing” (105). She gives Josh a list of things that she refuses to do with him: She will not hold hands with him in the halls; she will not cheer him on at his basketball games; she will never meet his parents. Josh asks her how old she is, because he cannot tell if her behavior is “either really mature or the complete opposite” (106). Eden lies and says she is 16, even though she is only 14. Josh says that he finds her “really weird” (105) but still wants her to come over again—a sentiment that makes Eden smile. 

Over the course of the next week, Josh sneaks Eden past his parents and up to his bedroom practically every night. Each night, their physical intimacy increases, and they get closer and closer to having sex. Eden is anxious to have sex with Josh. Since this will be her first sexual experience since Kevin (and her first ever consensual sexual experience), she does not know how she will react.

One evening in Josh’s room, Eden has made the decision that that is the night she will have sex with Josh. Even though Josh is not forceful about it, Eden is hyper-focused on sex. He tells her that, if she is not ready, they do not have to go through with it, but Eden already begins unbuttoning his pants. Josh senses that she is rushing and tries to slow down, but Eden is eager to get it over with, so she presses forward. Eden’s fear and panic mounts as Josh kisses her and begins to remove her clothes:

I’ve only been this terrified once. I can feel my heart pumping. I can feel the blood, at first, rushing through my veins, but then I get the distinct feeling that its’ stopped rushing, stopped pulsing, stopped coursing, and is just seeping out, uncontained, flooding my whole body and I’ll surely be dead soon (112).

Josh unwraps a condom while Eden stares at a tiny crack in the ceiling and, as they begin to have intercourse, Eden disassociates from what is happening: “And then someone switches off the circuit breaker in my mind and everything just stops. Like wires are cut somewhere. I am disconnected, offline. And then things fade to this still, calm quiet nothingness” (112).

Post-sex, Eden and Josh lie in his bed. Eden is stiff and silent, and Josh awkwardly asks her if she orgasmed. Eden does not respond. Reflecting on the question, she thinks to herself that she does not know: “I pull the sheet a little tighter to my body. I can’t tell if it feels good or not” (112). When Eden remains quiet, Josh asks here bluntly if anything is wrong because she is acting strangely. Eden is angered by this line of questioning and goes to leave. Josh is confused as to why Eden seems angry with him; in a “flat and unaffected” (114) voice, she tells Josh that she is going to leave. When Josh asks her if she is playing a twisted game, she responds sharply: “Just fucking forget it!” (115). Josh is taken aback as Eden slams the door of his bedroom to leave.

The next day at school, Eden avoids Josh in between classes, but he approaches her at her locker to apologize. Eden acts blasé about his wanting to apologize, saying “it’s whatever” (117). Josh says, nonetheless, he wants to apologize anyway and hands her folded-up piece of notebook paper. The note reads: “Eden, I feel bad about last night. I still don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry. My parents are still out of town, so if you want to come over later, you can” (118). He goes onto say that they do not have to have sex if that upsets her—he just wants to see her. He says he will be home at eight o’clock that night, and he hopes to see her sometime after that. 

Eden deliberates at home if she will meet Josh later that evening. Ultimately, she decides against it: “This thing with him could not go any further. It was supposed to be simple, it was supposed to be easy and uncomplicated, but in one night it’s suddenly become a dense, unnavigable labyrinth. And I’m lost in it” (119).

Eden’s relationship with her parents is becoming strained. Her mom is annoyed that Eden has not been doing her chores around the house, and Eden’s father is distant. Eden’s mother confronts her about not having put in the storm windows yet, and  Eden snaps: “‘What’s the big fucking deal here?’ I dare her, taking a step forward” (121). Eden’s mother hits her on the side of her head: “And before I can even understand what’s happening, there’s a loud, hollow crack that echoes inside my head. And the side of my face is on fire” (121). Rather than fight back, Eden flees the house. On her way out, she tells her mother that she is sleeping at Mara’s that night but makes her way to Josh’s place.

Eden arrives at his place at 11:22 p.m. and makes no move to go inside: “I sit down on his front steps—I just need to collect my thoughts for a minute, that’s all” (122). Eden sits there, still collecting her thoughts, when Josh opens the door to let the cat inside. He is startled to see her and asks her why she did not ring the doorbell to come in, especially on such a freezing cold night. Eden replies that she was not sure if he still wanted her to come. Josh is confused—he asks Eden if she is high, not realizing that her eyes are red from crying over the fight with her mother, not from drugs. Josh tells her that he is firmly against drugs, so if she is “on something” (124), he does not want to be around her. Eden assures him that she is not high and explains that she had been crying earlier. Josh invites her into his home.

They eat pizza and sit on his sofa, idly watching TV. Josh asks her why she was crying, and she tells him the truth about what happened: “I take a breath and start to tell him about the stupid fight. But then I keep on talking; I tell him how things have been bad with my parents in general, especially since Caelin has been gone […] Words, so many words” (128). They continue to talk; Josh opens up how he, too, sometimes thinks things he “shouldn’t think” (129), for example, that he hates playing basketball. Eden is impressed with his intelligence: “I knew he was smart, as in he got good grades, but I had no idea he actually thought this deeply about things, that he was maybe more complex than I imagined, more than just a nice guy with killer eyes” (129). Josh also opens up about his father, who is currently at a rehab facility for those with prescription drug problems, along with his mother who is there for counselling. Josh reveals that he has never told anyone about his father’s drug problem before. As they drift to sleep, still holding one another, Eden thinks to herself that she feels different: “Like, if I had an x-ray, it would show an arrow lodged right into the center of that bloody, bleeding mass of muscle in my chest” (134). 

Over the weekend, Mara is eager to get an update from Eden on how things have been going with Josh: “‘All right!’ Mara says, as she walks into my bedroom that weekend. ‘Let’s download. It’s time you start spilling’” (135). Eden can see that Mara is excited for her, not just because this is her first relationship, but also because Josh Miller is one of the most popular boys at school. Eden’s relationship with Josh—even if she chooses to keep it informal—increases her social status. Mara begs Eden for all the details: “Oh my God! What was it like? What was he like? […] Come on, I need to live vicariously through you” (136).

Eden asks for an update on how things are going between Mara and Cameron. Mara reports that, despite her crush on him, they are not even close to dating. They are just friends. Mara returns to the subject of Eden and Josh, wanting to know if they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Eden shocks Mara by saying that, no, they are not boyfriend/girlfriend, but only because Eden does not want to be. Eden explains that she does not want to be “obligated” (137) to anyone.

Weeks later, Josh and Eden are in his bedroom, cuddling and kissing in bed. Josh is eager to make Eden his girlfriend: “‘Tell me again,’ he says breathlessly, moving his fingers through my hair, ‘why you can’t just be my girlfriend?’” (138). Still, Eden says no. Josh then asks her about her sexual history, particularly how many people she has slept with. Eden is unnerved by this question and dodges it by saying that Josh should just pretend he is the first: “I didn’t want to have to think about it, let alone talk about it. I didn’t even want to acknowledge the fact that there had been someone else” (139). Eden says she knows about the things written about her on the bathroom walls, referencing the rumors that she is a “slut.” Josh says, not to worry, he knows “the truth” about her—Eden scoffs at the idea of “the truth” (140). Josh playfully invites her to tell him a secret, and Eden’s mind turns to her deepest, darkest secret: Her having been raped by Kevin.

Deciding against telling him about that experience, she says that her middle name is Marie—which is a lie, since her middle name is Anne. He tells her that his middle name is Matthew. They continue to lie in bed, talking and cuddling with one another. Josh says that he knows Eden is not as tough as she pretends to be, trying to be sweet to her. This comment sends Eden into a panic:

My heart starts racing as he looks deeper into me. Because he’s right. Tough girls don’t blush […] And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath (143).

The conversation, however, lightens when Eden tells a childhood story about her tipping clear over the handlebars of her bike as a little girl, which makes Josh laugh. Eden thinks back to the day of her bike accident, a summer afternoon when she was 12 years old: “That was the day I fell in love with Kevin—or what I thought was love, with the person I thought he was” (144). In a flashback narration, Eden recalls that she and Mara had been drawing on the pavement of Eden’s family driveway, when Eden got the idea to ride their bikes down the steep hill at the end of her street, a hill that emptied onto a set of railroad tracks. Eden went down the hill first and goes flying off her bike when she collides with the railroad tracks. She lands on her head which begins bleeding profusely, when Kevin comes rushing over and picks her up: “He carried me up the hill and then he laid me down on the grass. He called 911, even” (147). Kevin’s rescue of Eden solidifies her budding childhood crush on him; she views him as her knight in shining armor.

Snapping back into the present moment, lying there with Josh, Eden accidentally admits that she loosely wishes she would have been killed that day, alluding to the fact that her being raped ruined her life. Josh tells her that it is not funny, that she should not say things like that. Eden pretends to fall asleep, and Josh whispers that he loves her—the first time he says this to her. Eden waits until Josh falls asleep before sneaking out of his room. 

Eden’s birthday is approaching, and Mara asks her how she wants to celebrate. Josh approaches Mara and Eden talking, and ask what is going on; Mara tells him that they are discussing Eden’s birthday the following day, which takes Josh by surprise. He did not realize it was Eden’s birthday tomorrow.

When Mara heads off to class, Josh tells her that he needs to speak with her privately, so they head to the stairwell to talk. Eden is worried: “I’m scared. Really scared he’s about to leave me. And more scared because I don’t want him to” (152). Josh days that he is not comfortable “going on like this”; he feels like they are always “sneaking around” (152). Josh wants to be exclusive with her, and the only reason he can think of for her not wanting that is if she was interested in someone. Josh asks her frankly if there is another person. Eden replies no, but also clarifies that she does not want to be exclusive because that makes “everything complicated” (153). Josh counters that their current, casual arrangement is complicated in its own way. He kisses her softly and says that he does not want to fight; it is just that he cares about her. With difficulty, Eden tries to choke out that she cares about him, too: “I fucking care—I want to scream it. ‘I—I—’ Care, say it” (154). She begins to cry, and Josh comforts her, assuring her that things will be okay. Tomorrow they will go out for dinner to celebrate her birthday.

At school the next morning, when Eden arrives at her locker, she sees that Mara has decorated it with balloons, crepe paper, and a sign that says “Happy 15th Birthday” (155). Eden cringes at the sign and rips it down immediately. She hopes that Josh has not yet, seen it since he is under the impression that Eden is 17 years old. However, when Josh rushes up to Eden there in the hallway, Eden can tell by his demeanor that he has already seen the sign: “He pulls me by the elbow into the boys’ bathroom with this wild look in his eyes” (155). In the bathroom, Josh angrily tells her that he could be arrested for being with someone her age. He asks if Eden would even care if something bad happened to him. Eden affects a cold exterior: “My face is a stone. My body is a stone. My heart is a stone” (157). Eden says no, she does not care about Josh, even though this is a lie. She says they have “had their fun,” but now is a good time to end it. Josh is horrified. Eden leaves him in the bathroom with Josh standing there, shaking his head.

Caelin and Kevin return to the neighborhood for Christmas, on break from their classes at college. Over the holidays, Kevin will be staying at Eden’s family’s house. When the boys enter the home with their luggage, Eden and Kevin have a silent confrontation: “And now Kevin stands before me, five feet away maybe, staring me down. Giving me the secret look he must’ve been perfecting over the past year. The look that is clearly supposed to deflate me, make me shrivel and wilt and retreat” (160). Meanwhile, Eden helps her mother prepare the house for the holiday festivities, decorating and cleaning to prepare for Eden’s grandparents’ imminent arrival.

Eden and Caelin make strained small talk about what they have each been up to over the past few months; Caelin eventually goes to the garage to unearth Christmas decorations for their mother. While he is away, Kevin enters the kitchen. Eden senses Kevin’s presence in the room, just before he grabs her from behind:

Before I can even turn my head to look, I feel his thick hands wind around my wait, feel his body pressing up against my back […] Then he moves his hands down over the front of my jeans, then up over the front of my shirt, then all over all of me, his mouth open against my neck (163).

Kevin tells her how good Eden looks, smirking. Eden is rattled; when Kevin is done groping her, he walks away silently.

At 1:17 a.m., Eden wakes up to a metallic rattling noise at her locked bedroom door. Eden worries it is Kevin, but Caelin calls in to say that he has to talk to her, that she should please open up. She does, and when Caelin enters, he notices that Eden is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. Caelin tells her that he had been out with some old friends he used to play basketball with in high school; he insinuates that they were calling Eden a “slut.” Caelin says, not to worry, he stuck up for her; he told those guys that Eden did not even know Josh Miller, let alone have sex with him. Eden retorts that Caelin is wrong that, in fact, she knows Josh very well, using innuendo to infer that she and Josh had sex. Caelin is horrified: “‘I can’t—Edy, what are you even … thinking?’ he accuses, tapping his index finger against his temple. ‘I’m gone for a year and all of a sudden you’re—I can’t believe—you’re just a kid, for Christ’s sake!’” (166). Caelin tries to tell Eden that guys “like that” prey on girls “like her,” but Eden angrily asks Caelin if he ever stopped to consider that maybe she was the one using them. Eden tells him to get out; Caelin tells her fine, but he is worried about her. Eden locks the door behind him. 

On her first day back at school from winter break, Eden is hassled by an older guy at her school about her “slutty” reputation: “‘Hey,’ a guy’s voice whispers in my ear, ‘I hear you’re real dirty’” (170). The guy, along with his friend, approach her in the hallway, mockingly asking her if she wants to be in a porn they are making. She walks faster, trying to escape them. They call her “McSlutty” and, when Eden reacts badly, they tell her that they are just “fucking around” (173). One of them remarks: “You can’t have your brother fight all your battles for you” (173). Eden out of the school and all the way home, confused by the comment about her brother.

At home, she confronts Caelin about what the guy meant when he said that Eden would not always have her brother to defend her: “‘What did you do?’ I repeat, snatching the remote out of his hand. I almost throw it right at his face, but I stop myself at the last second and throw it on the floor instead” (174). Eden starts pummeling Caelin with her fists, and Caelin restrains her by the wrists. Caelin explains that, at a New Year’s Eve party, he overheard some guys talking about Eden. Caelin was incensed by their comments, and when Josh appeared at the party, Caelin beat him up. Eden tells Caelin that Josh would never say such vile things about her. She also tells Caelin that him attacking Josh has made her even more of a target by bully guys at school. Eden breaks free from Caelin’s holding her and runs to her room, crying. Caelin pounds on her door, but Eden will not answer. Later that evening, Eden refuses to come down from her bedroom for dinner with her family. Caelin eventually entices her out by making Eden her favorite sandwich, as a “peace offering” and they form a “temporary truce” (178). 

The next day at school, Eden sees Josh standing in the hallway for the first time since winter break: He has a “purplish green” bruise under his right eye, his “left cheekbone scraped, a yellowing bruise fading from his jaw” (178). Eden approaches Josh because she wants to tell him that she had nothing to do with her brother beating him up, when suddenly Eden realizes that the “beautiful brunette” standing near him is Josh’s new girlfriend: “I guess she’s my replacement—an upgrade, clearly. She nuzzles her face into his arm like some kind of adoring pedigree kitten, but when her eyes meet mine, that sweet smile is all feral and fanged” (179). Eden affects an unbothered appearance and walks away from them without saying anything.