Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day

Identity is complicated, but most people play certain roles at certain times: “Unconsciously, we’re all method acting to some degree” (4). These roles often leave people feeling unsatisfied; they fail to take into consideration deeper needs and values. Shetty emphasizes the problem that external noise presents in trying to understand one’s own values: between parents and peers, the media and the Internet, people are often pressured to be who they are not, to do what they dislike. He encourages his readers to “let go,” as this section of the book is called, of all that noise and conduct an internal investigation of what their values might be: “When we fill up our lives and leave ourselves with no room to reflect, those distractions become our values by default” (11).

In order to discover foundational values, Shetty counsels taking an “audit” of “your life”: “No matter what you think your values are, your actions tell the real story” (12). Examining the ways in which time is allotted, media is consumed, and money is spent are all methods by which one can determine where values reside. Once values are established, one can reinvite external influences back into the equation—but with awareness of how this impacts value systems. As Shetty points out, “[i]t feels good to be around people who are good for us; it doesn’t feel good to be around people who don’t support us or bring out our bad habits” (19). Understanding one’s own values helps to filter the external noise in productive and positive ways.

Just as values can be reinforced by the company one keeps, so too can negative energy: “When we criticize others, we can’t help but notice the bad in ourselves. But when we look for the good in others, we start to see the best in ourselves too” (21). Shetty feels out of place in the business world after his time in the ashram; the gossip and criticism that circulate among colleagues is antithetical to his training. He is hyperaware of the fact that, as one of his headings states, “Negativity Is Contagious” (24). He discusses various types of negative people—complainers, cancellers, casualties, critics, commanders, and competitors (26-27)—and devises strategies to combat their negative energy. Practicing detachment and letting go of negative feelings and thoughts helps, as well as getting rid of tactile things, “like that sweatshirt your ex gave you” (29). It also helps to bring positive people into one’s life. Shetty stresses the importance of letting go of “[t]he desire to save others” which is essentially “ego-driven” (30).

It is important to combat internal negativity; thus Shetty advises implementing the “SPOT, STOP, SWAP” method (33). Recognizing “the toxic impulses around you” is the first step (33) (SPOT); working to control your kneejerk reaction to negativity is the second step (STOP); and learning to exchange negative impulses for positive perspectives is the third (SWAP). Shetty emphasizes that practicing forgiveness—relinquishing anger and absolving others without expectation of apology or reward—leads to peace of mind and even “physical well-being” (41). It is crucial to practice self-forgiveness to make peace with one’s own self. This positive cycle is self-reinforcing: “We spot, stop, and swap—observe, reflect, and develop new behaviors to replace the negativity in our lives, toward self-discipline and bliss” (45). Letting go of negativity makes more room for positivity.

While fear has its purpose—it can protect one from harm; it can propel one toward change—too much fear inhibits growth, opportunity, and connection. Shetty advises his readers to investigate their fears deeply, moving from the “branch” fear to the “root” of the fear. For example, he remembers being afraid of taking exams, but when he considers this fear more deeply, it turns out to be, at its root, a fear of disappointing his parents. He says avoiding fearful things is not helpful; the fears merely fester. Instead, he argues that “we have to change our perception of [fear]” (51). Understanding the exact nature of the fear, accepting it, and identifying the ways in which one responds to fear goes a long way toward overcoming it: “Recognizing our fear patterns helps us trace fear to the root. From there we can decipher whether there’s truly any cause for urgency, or whether our fear can actually lead us to recognize opportunities to live more in alignment with our values, passion, and purpose” (54).

Shetty says that fear is caused by too much attachment and can be cured by practicing detachment, as monks do. Instead of allowing the emotion to take control, take control of the emotion: “Try shifting from I am angry to I feel angry” (55). Detachment, in this context, does not denote indifference; rather, it implies a greater appreciation of the present, like enjoying a luxury rental car while one has it (56). This requires an ability to detach from events over which one has no control in order to focus on that which one can control—like one’s own feelings, responses, and values.

As Shetty argues, “[d]etaching from your fears allows you to address them” (57). He suggests that managing short-term fears can be as easy as focusing on the breath. Breathing in a conscious manner can short-circuit the physical response to fear. He says that dealing with long-term fears might be more challenging but learning to appreciate life’s difficulties can be spiritually nourishing: “the more we practice [...] finding gratitude for the hard times we’ve experienced, the more we start to change our programming; the gap between suffering and gratitude gets smaller and smaller; and the intensity of our fear in the moments of hardship begins to diminish” (61). As with many challenges, experience helps: “if we face our fear—we stay, we deal with the fire, we have the tough conversation—we become stronger as a result” (62). Confronting fear inevitably builds resilience and self-confidence.

Shetty tackles the motivations that undergird intentions: they are fear, desire, duty, and love. The first two are necessarily short-lived—fear is unsustainable and desire merely gratifies self-serving goals—while the latter two are more lasting and, therefore, more enlightened motivations. He spends little time discussing fear, as it was the subject of the previous chapter, but devotes a lengthy analysis to what he calls “The Maya of Success” (67). Maya, in Sanskrit, means illusion. Shetty says that people chase “personal gratification,” which is usually tied to “material goals” (67). By definition, these are goals related to external circumstances and thus provide only superficial and temporary satisfaction. As Shetty points out, “[m]aterial gratification is external, but happiness is internal” (69). Happiness cannot fully be achieved via professional success or material wealth.

Instead, Shetty suggests grounding intentions in the less selfish motivations of duty and love: “We can take on more when we’re doing it for someone we love or to serve a purpose we believe in rather than from the misguided idea that we will find happiness through success” (71). If one examines the why behind the want, one begins to “live intentionally” (72). If intentions are shallow, then results will be equally hollow—though Shetty cautions his readers to “[b]e honest about what your intention is” (74). If the accumulation of wealth is actually the goal, then trying to couch it in the language of service makes the intention not only shallow but deceitful. Repeatedly, he emphasizes that “[e]xternal goals cannot fill internal voids” (76). A mindful life is defined “by our intentions rather than our achievements” (78). Ultimately, letting go of external goals and conventional notions of material success can pave the way for internal growth and happiness.