Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day

Monks believe in a “circle of love” (223), Shetty explains, a kind of continuum in which the loving energy put out into the universe eventually comes back—not always in the way in which one might suspect. The love expressed for a friend or colleague might not be directly reciprocated, but it is returned via another person, such as a parent: “Our lack of gratitude is what makes us feel unloved” (224). Focusing on a “network of compassion rather than a one-to-one exchange” enables the recognition of how relationships with other people “serve different purposes” (225). Learning how to differentiate those different kinds of relationships—and the levels of trust required to maintain them—can lead to more fulfilling interactions. People can be trusted to provide competent advice; or care “about what is best for you, not what is best for them” (226); or contribute strong moral character; or maintain a consistent commitment to the relationship. Rarely only one relationship with a person provides all of these kinds of trust. As Shetty notes, “only you can be your everything” (228).

Shetty encourages his readers to consider all of humanity as a family, to be open to relationships of various types and with varying degrees of trust, and to believe in the “equality of soul” (231). Regarding new relationships, invest in neutral trust or contractual trust until the exchange grows into something more meaningful, wherein mutual trust or even pure trust can be earned. Shetty reminds his readers that trust is not merely an idea but an actionable goal: “Trust Is a Daily Practice,” as his subheading reads (236). He advises building and maintaining trust by “fulfilling promises,” providing support, and “[s]tanding by someone even when they are in a bad place” (236). The more one puts these positive efforts out into the world, the more positivity will be returned.

Finally, Shetty discusses romantic relationships and encourages his readers to cultivate an “intentional love life” (236). Rather than focusing on attraction, focus on connection; rather than focusing on quantity of time spent together, focus on quality of time. He relays the “six loving exchanges,” including giving and receiving gifts, listening and being vulnerable in conversation, and exchanging experiences (such as nourishment of body or mind) without agenda (241-44). These exchanges “help us build a relationship based on generosity, gratitude, and service” (241). He cautions that self-love must precede romantic love; understanding oneself is crucial to understanding what one wants. Loving relationships must also be maintained through specific attention and action. Shetty encourages his readers to cultivate relationships by engaging in new ways of looking at the old routine or finding new experiences to embark upon. He suggests that serving or spending time in meditation or self-reflection together can be beneficial to a relationship. If a relationship does not work out, Shetty urges his reader to use the experience to learn and to rediscover one’s worth: “Make yourself whole,” he writes (252), before moving onto another relationship.

In the final chapter, Shetty reveals what he considers “the most important lesson I learned as a monk”: “The highest purpose is to live in service” (256; Shetty’s emphasis). He argues that “[s]elflessness is the surest route to inner peace and a meaningful life” (256). Shetty says that even those who have the least—like monks who were sent to a poor village with nothing but the robes on their backs—can serve just as much as those who have the most. All that is needed is intention.

Shetty emphasizes that service has a positive impact on both mental and physical health: “those who help others tend to live longer, be healthier, and have a better overall sense of well-being” (269). He repeatedly points out that the time to serve is now and the needs are infinite; one must only cultivate a mindset of service to serve. He reminds his reader that “[t]rue service doesn’t expect or even want anything in return” (264), yet it is often the most fulfilling action one can undertake. He encourages his readers to find opportunities to serve within their own professions, within their own personal lives, within their own dharma. He provides numerous examples of how and where one can actually serve throughout the text. “Here’s the life hack,” he concludes: “Service is always the answer” (269). Thus, the book ends with a call to action, urging readers to service, both for the world and for themselves.

In his conclusion, Shetty encourages his readers to practice meditation every day—what he calls “The Monk Method” (276). He notes that meditation practice has “no measure of success, no goal, and no end” (278), but that one will feel its impact over time. He suggests that meditation will become an integral part of daily routine, that one will become more aware of the workings of one’s mind, and that it will allow one to gain “long-term mastery of self” (279). He emphasizes that maintaining a monk mindset takes “self-awareness, discipline, diligence, focus, and constant practice” (280). But he also emphatically reminds his readers that they have all the tools they need to achieve this.