This Is How It Always Is

This chapter details the ways in which Poppy’s parents accidentally keep Claude a secret from their Seattle community. The reader learns of the family’s arrival in the city, which involved an inaugural barbecue at the house of their neighbors Marginny and Frank Granderson, who are Aggie’s parents. Marginny asks that Penn and Rosie keep Claude a secret so that Poppy and Aggie might forge a friendship. “It just seems like it would be unnecessarily confusing for them,” Marginny suggests (129). Headstrong Aggie and Poppy become fast friends. The night of the barbecue, Aggie taps on Poppy’s window to excitedly suggest that they be “rival princesses in neighboring castles” and tell each other secrets that they could tell no one else (134). Ben develops a relationship with Aggie’s older sister, Cayenne. 

Rosie consults Mr. Tongo about keeping Claude a secret. Mr. Tongo suggests that Poppy’s past is nobody’s business. Rosie notes that since the move all the boys have kept secrets about who they were in Wisconsin in some form or another. However, keeping Claude a secret requires hiding Poppy’s infant photos. Upon seeing that Rosie has neglected to hang younger photos of Poppy, Roo accuses Rosie and Penn of deceit. Privately, Rosie admits to Penn that she misses Claude, to which Penn replies that she is upstairs playing with Aggie. Rosie clarifies that that was not what she meant. Penn replies, “I know. But it should be” (139). He points out that the rest of their children have changed in addition to Poppy.

For her seventh birthday, Poppy has her first sleepover with Aggie, Kim, and Natalie. Rosie worries about Poppy’s ability to change into her pajamas during the sleepover in a way that will not reveal her penis. Rosie unsuccessfully tries to strategize with Poppy about a pajama plan, but Poppy does not understand her mother’s concern, and Rosie’s plan falls flat. To give Rosie peace of mind, Penn puts Poppy’s pajamas in the dryer so that she will have to go downstairs to retrieve them and change there. Poppy begins having regular sleepovers at Aggie’s house. Rosie asks Poppy if she would like to tell Aggie about her penis, but Poppy is worried that Aggie will stop being her friend. Poppy lies to Aggie and tells her that she prefers to change in the bathroom because she does not like Aggie’s dog staring at her. 

Penn struggles to write his novel while also taking care of all his children. He researches methods for making sure that Poppy feels comfortable, including buying penis-concealing underwear and wrap-around skirts instead of leotards for Poppy’s ballet class. He tells the school principal about Claude. Meanwhile, Rosie adjusts to the everyday demands of a small private practice, which include managing the practice’s social media accounts and attending early Monday meetings at the request of Howie, a senior doctor at the practice.

Once a month, the Walsh-Adams and Granderson parents eat dinner at the Grandersons’ house while all the children have dinner at Penn and Rosie’s house. During the adult dinner, Frank Granderson asks how Penn and Rosie will handle Poppy’s transition into puberty. Penn and Rosie reply that they have considered using hormone blockers, which would delay Poppy’s puberty until she is ready to decide how she would like to proceed with her gender identity. At the kids’ dinner, Aggie marvels at the odds of Poppy being born a girl since all of her brothers are boys. Ben abruptly corrects her that in every pregnancy there is a 50-50 chance of the child being a girl. Aggie expresses her relief that Poppy was born a girl. Aggie maintains to Poppy that if she were a boy, “[w]e couldn’t be best friends” (162).

Mrs. Birkus, Roo’s history teacher, informs Penn and Rosie that Roo is failing history, a fact he had kept from his parents. Mrs. Birkus also tells them that Roo created an inflammatory video about the reasons why the LGBTQIA+ community should not serve in the military. Roo is not remorseful about the video when his parents confront him about it. Roo ends the conversation by screaming at his parents for not telling their Seattle community about Claude: “You two lie all the time. You lie every second of every day” (166).

Ben continues to court Cayenne, taking her to the homecoming dance and filling her room with paper hearts and butterflies to mark the third anniversary of the day they met. At the Grandersons’ annual barbecue, Poppy’s brother Orion accidentally lets Poppy’s secret slip. However, all the children at the barbecue think he is joking. When Penn and Rosie confront Orion, his brothers come to his defense. Roo explains the burden of carrying Poppy’s secret: “For just a minute, it was like we didn’t all have to be carrying around this crazy secret” (176).