Twisted Love

“Sixteen years might seem like a long time, but I specialize in the long game. It doesn’t matter how many years I have to wait as long as the end is worth it. And the end of the man who had destroyed my family? It would be glorious.”

While Alex refers to his patience during 16 years of waiting and plotting for revenge, his constant references to how well he plays the long game foreshadow his relationship with Ava. When their relationship falls apart and she moves to London, Alex waits a year and a half for Ava’s forgiveness. Groveling for Ava’s love leads to a worthy and glorious end; not only does Alex get the girl, but their amended relationship brings back the “Sunshine” in Ava’s personality, and the light to Alex’s darkness.

“He’d moved in two days ago, so I expected to see stray boxes lying about, but everything was so polished and put together, it looked like he’d been living here for years […] In fact, I didn’t see any personal effects—nothing that showed I was in an actual home and not a model showroom.”

Alex’s house shows no signs of the move two days earlier. The polished, pristine appearance of his home mirrors the mask Alex puts on for others. By maintaining absolute cleanliness, Alex leaves no clues for outsiders to analyze and infer anything about his life. Likewise, the lack of personal effects prevents visitors from knowing about anything he wishes to keep hidden. The house resembles a model showroom rather than a home to Ava, just as she and her friends initially see Alex as a robot rather than a person with real emotions.

“I’d never seen her like this. It wasn’t just the outfit; it was everything. The usually straight black hair that fell in luscious waves down her back, the made-up face with the smoky eyes and glossy red lips, the miles of golden skin and curves that etched themselves into my brain forever. I was caught between disturbing lust […] and inexplicable fury that other men were seeing her like this.”

Alex experiences lust and anger at witnessing Ava attract the attention of other men. These emotions are the safest to show, the least vulnerable, but as Alex’s feelings for Ava progress, the relationship will continue pull deeper emotions from him and force him to show a sense of vulnerability that he has long kept hidden.

“What the hell was I doing? Alex didn’t need me defending him. It wasn’t like he was here, listening to us. Even if he were, he wouldn’t care. If there was one person in the world who didn’t give a shit what others thought of him, it was Alex Volkov.”

At the beginning of the novel, Ava is content to highly dislike Alex, subscribing to the belief that he is not a nice person. While some of Ava’s fundamental views about Alex are more resistant to change, her basic instinct has altered; instead of judging him, she now defends him. Subconsciously, Ava’s feelings for Alex have begun to grow, but like Alex, Ava is reluctant to admit they exist.

“I hadn’t had a nightmare in over two weeks, which was a record, but I guess my good luck ran out.”

The timeline matches the length of time Ava has been in forced proximity to Alex. Later in the novel, Ava prefers sleeping beside Alex at night, because the safety she feels next to him keeps the night terrors at bay. While their relationship is far from reaching that stage, his presence has made a difference; this night terror is the exception, occurring after Ava falls asleep to thoughts of guilt and nervousness over playing around with Alex’s feelings for the sake of Operation Emotion.

“Just because I see the good in people doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. I think optimism is a good trait, and I feel sorry for people who go through life believing the worst of others […] People see what they want to see […] if you focus too much on the negative, you miss all the positive.”

Ava’s argument with Alex foreshadows the moments after Alex’s betrayal when she does feel foolish for believing the best in him. After Alex’s betrayal, Ava loses her optimistic spark and begins to focus on the negative. The words come full circle when she stops wallowing in self-pity, afraid she’s missing out on the positive aspects of her life, such as the excitement of the upcoming WYP fellowship.

“The effect of his real smile was so devastating, even amid my mortification, that all I could do was stare at the way his face lit up and the sparkle that transformed his eyes from beautiful to downright breathtaking.”

For a moment, Ava sees the real Alex. When he shows genuine emotion, amusement and a hint of happiness, Ava is shocked by the transformation. The moment is actually a slip in Alex’s mask, a glimpse behind the curtain at who he really is. The fact that the result is described as devastating and breathtaking illustrates the benefits in The Vulnerability of Intimacy. The moment allows Ava to admit her attraction to him without sugarcoating.

“I shouldn’t have been thinking about my best friend’s sister this way, but something had shifted. I wasn’t sure when or how, but I’d started seeing Ava less as Josh’s baby sister and more as a woman. A beautiful, pure-hearted but feisty woman who might be the death of me one of these days.”

By blatantly admitting his attraction to Ava, Alex takes his first step toward embracing The Vulnerability of Intimacy. The implication that Ava will be the death of him is a metaphor for Alex shedding his old self—the fake self he masks so as to hide his emotions—to pursue a committed relationship with her. In loving Ava, he becomes a more authentic version of himself.

“Ava screamed again, and my heart tripped. I almost wished there were an intruder so I had something physical to fight. I couldn’t wake or restrain her; that was the worst thing you could do when someone had night terrors. All I could do was wait for the episode to pass […] I hated feeling helpless, but I knew better than anyone that no one can fight our mental battles for us.”

Alex prefers a physical intruder because physical battles are easier to face than emotional battles; this is true for both of them. Alex feels helpless to alleviate Ava’s night terror, the one emotion that’s perhaps the most vulnerable for him. Helplessness is what he felt the night his parents were murdered, and it’s why he avoids making promises in the first place.

“I guided her across the floor, my skin prickling from the strange, electric charge in the air. It was a thousand needles piercing my flesh, searching for a weakness. A crack. A doorway, however tiny, through which it could slip and jumpstart my long-dead, long-cold heart.”

The use of hyperbole to describe the way Alex feels heightens the gravity of the event. Even a powerful word such as “electric” adds to the effect, giving weight to the idea that Ava is working her way into Alex’s heart and awakening his feelings. The piercing needles imply that this realization is painful and perhaps even scary for Alex. Accordingly, the fact that he still calls it a weakness shows that he must still confront his limiting beliefs about emotional vulnerability.

“‘What do I want?’

Humans want a lot of things, but in every heart, there beats one true desire. One thing that shapes our every thought and action. Mine was vengeance. Sharp, cruel, bloodthirsty […] Ava was different. And I’d known what her true desire was the moment I set eyes on her for the first time eight years ago, her face shining and her mouth stretched into a warm, welcome smile.

‘Love.’”

Alex defends vengeance as his own true desire after describing that the one true desire in every heart, including Ava’s, is love. When Ava attempts to imply that love is his true desire as well, his defensiveness doubles. However, by overcompensating to make his point, he achieves the opposite effect, highlighting his insecurity and growing doubt that vengeance still remains his truest desire.

“If you let lesser people determine your self-worth, you’ll never reach higher than their limited imagination […] You don’t have to work overtime to get people to love you, Ava. Love isn’t earned. It’s given.”

In this quote, Alex shows a rare moment of emotional intelligence, especially for someone prone to neglecting his own emotions. Alex emphasizes The Power in Submission by allowing Ava to understand that it is acceptable to let go of the opinions of other people. By relinquishing her attachment to things she can’t control, Ava will find all the power and love she needs in what she already has.

“But that wasn’t the only seismic change in my life. Something had shifted in my relationship with Alex. He was no longer just my brother’s best friend but my friend too, though some of the thoughts I had toward him were less than platonic. What I’d felt during our photo shoot was nothing compared to the fantasies running through my mind now.”

By comparing Alex to a friend rather than something more romantic or sexual, Ava emphasizes their emotional connection, one of the most vital components in a romance novel. Ava refers to this change as “seismic,” which implies that the development is significant enough to alter the foundations of their relationship. Her fundamental beliefs about who Alex is, and her views on what form of relationship she wants have been changed forever. The fantasies that Ava entertains are new and dark and exciting, reshaping her own definition of who she is and what she wants.

“She was right. Those were my rules […] I’d never once broken them—until tonight. And I hadn’t even thought about it or realized it until Ava reminded me […] And that was when I realized I was well and truly fucked. ‘You’re right, sweetheart […] But the rules don’t apply to you.’”

Alex deems Ava worthy of being the exception to his intimacy rule, which hints at both his emotional growth and the development of their relationship. However, the decision also hints at a change in his values and priorities. These changes ultimately lead to further concessions that give Ivan the upper hand, for by making Ava such a priority in his life, Alex essentially provides Ivan with the leverage he needs to attempt to take control of Alex’s company and blackmail his nephew.

“Alex hadn’t held back, and that was what I’d wanted. Needed. Somehow, in choosing to let go, I’d never felt more powerful. Strength in weakness, control in submission.”

Rather than allowing others to decide what she wants and needs, Ava is deciding these things for herself. In taking what she wants in her sexual exploits with Alex, Ava gains power, control, and independence over her life and her identity. Ana Huang uses a series of oxymorons such as “strength in weakness” and “control in submission” that usually would not make sense, but in this context, they work to emphasize the discovery and the quality of Ava’s sexual experience with Alex.

“The smiles had gotten me through tough times. I’d read online that the physical act of smiling—even if you were unhappy—could improve your mood by tricking your brain into releasing happiness-inducing hormones. So I’d smiled all the time as a teenager, and people probably thought I was crazy, but it was better than sinking into a darkness so deep I might’ve never clawed my way out.”

When Alex hears Ava laugh at Josh’s going-away party at the beginning of the novel, he believes her to be more genuine than everyone else in the room, including him, for he believes that everyone wears masks to achieve their goals. This passage provides an almost tragic irony to that opinion, for all along, Ava’s happiness has itself acted as a mask to allow her to avoid her traumatic past.

“I wondered where it had gone wrong with us. My father never had issues talking and laughing with Josh. Why did he act so weird around me? And why did I act so weird around him? He was my dad, yet I’d never been able to open up to him fully.”

Ava’s uneasiness around and alienation from her father foreshadows the upcoming moment of anagnorisis in Chapter 27, in which Ava realizes Michael’s true identity and gains a new perspective on the struggles she has faced her entire life. Her father is distant because he’s not her biological father, and she has never been able to open up to him because her subconscious is aware on some level that he is not worthy of her trust.

“I wasn’t sure I would ever get over what Michael did. My entire life was a lie. […] Part of me was grateful Michael and I had never been close. If we had, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take the heartbreak.”

Another moment of foreshadowing occurs here, for Michael and Ava had never been close, but Ava and Alex are. Michael convinces Ava that her life is a lie, and Alex will later convince Ava that their relationship is a lie. Consistent with Ava’s theory, Ava does not survive the lies of someone close to her, because her heartbreak over Alex’s lies breaks her optimistic spirit.

“I wanted to pull her to me, kiss her and reassure her, but everything had gotten so fucking complicated […] she still didn’t know the truth about me and what I did. She won’t find out. The only other person who knew was my uncle, and he would be out of the picture soon. A better person would tell her the truth, but I’d rather be the villain with her by my side than the hero who risked losing her because of a misguided sense of morality. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Alex has come far in letting down his emotional walls, but not yet far enough. Alex continues to withhold from Ava the truth of what he has done for his vengeance. By admitting that a better person would confess the truth of his actions, Alex addresses the gulf that separates his current values from the values he wishes he had. However, by ultimately deciding that “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Alex is choosing to honor his fear and his vengeance over his love for Ava, demonstrating that he’s not quite ready to be fully committed to healing.

“Michael had lied to me. Alex had lied to me. Not for days, weeks, or months, but for years. Something inside me broke, and I was no longer only crying for my shattered heart but for the girl I used to be—the one who’d believed in light and love and the goodness of the world. That girl was gone.”

With Alex’s betrayal comes the third-act breakup common to the romance genre in which the couple breaks up chapters before the end, often due to a major misunderstanding, only to amend things in time for the dramatic, yet romantic epilogue. At this point, Ava is aware of Alex’s very real lies and betrayals, but she is as yet unaware that his feelings for her have been real the entire time.

“I was the one who’d hurt her. I was the one who’d lied and manipulated. I was the one who’d endangered her with my thirst for vengeance and twisted plans against my uncle. The only way to protect Ava was to let her go, even if that meant destroying myself.”

Alex finally takes responsibility for his actions in a much more intense and accurate way, acknowledging the wrongs behind his lies and manipulations. He is disgusted by his long-term obsession for vengeance and ashamed of the actions to which his obsession has driven him, for they have corrupted the one healthy relationship in his life. For the first time, he is making a selfless choice: to let Ava go at the expense of his own well-being.

“It felt like someone was ripping out pieces of my heart and soul and grinding them beneath their feet. I had never felt so acutely, so much. I hated it. I longed for the icy indifference of numbness, but I feared this was my penance—to burn in the flames of my self-inflicted agony for the rest of eternity.”

Alex’s hatred of embracing all his feelings, the unbearable pain of it, is a pivotal moment in the shifting of his values. Despite feeling more than he ever has before and longing for the numbness he has been accustomed to for years, Alex is resolute in feeling every excruciating second of his previously unexamined emotions. Although Alex’s reasoning is faulty and reflects a sense of self-flagellation rather than a healthy desire to feel and process emotions, the fact that he is choosing to experience his emotions in the first place is a step forward.

“I couldn’t change what happened to me or control what other people did, but I could control what I did. I could shape the future I wanted to have.”

Ava puts Alex’s earlier advice into action and completes her character development, letting go of her past and yielding her need to control the decisions and feelings of others. Through her submission, she takes control over her own life and faces her fear of flying over large bodies of water to attend the WYP fellowship at the London location, as she’s always wanted.