Ubu Roi

Papa and Mama Turd are at the palace, where Papa Turd, becoming used to his wealth and power, wants a “great big cape,” but Mama Turd tells him, “It’s all very well to be king, but we have to economize” (29). Papa Turd admits that Mama Turd “was right all along” to think he should be king (29), but when Mama Turd mentions the debt they owe to Bordure, he says that he will not follow through with his promise to make Bordure the Duke of Lithuania: “Now that I don’t need [Bordure] any more, he can go scratch his ass” (29). 

Mama Turd warns that Papa Turd is making a “big mistake” and that Bordure will turn against him, adding that Papa Turd likely hasn’t seen the last of Buggerlaus. Papa Turd disagrees with Mama Turd’s assertion he should be generous to Buggerlaus, and warns that Mama Turd is annoying him and he will “cut [her] to bits” (30). Mama Turd runs off and Papa Turd announces his plan as king, which is to grab all of Poland’s money (the currency is here referred to as “phynance”), and then “kill everybody and leave” (30). 

Scene 2 takes place in the king’s palace, where Papa Turd and his supporters have gathered all the nobles, who are in chains, as well as financiers, magistrates, and heralds. Papa Turd announces that “for the enrichment of the realm” he is going to execute the nobles and seize their property (31). He goes through a group of nobles individually, all of whom are condemned to death and thrown through a trapdoor to be killed and have their brains removed by a printing-press. After a little while, and realizing he doesn’t yet have much property of his own, Papa Turd decides to simply have all the nobles killed so that he can get “all their vacant holdings” (32).Papa Turd then turns his attention to making laws; when the magistrates tell him that they refuse to make any changes, Papa Turd condemns them to go into the trapdoor to be killed as well. When Papa Turd tells the financiers his plans to substantially increase taxes—which they call “idiotic” and “absurd”—he throws them into the trapdoor also (33). Mama Turd protests, saying, “What kind of a king are you? You’re murdering everybody” (33), but Papa Turd continues, saying he will just collect the taxes himself.  

In a lengthy speech, Papa Turd then goes through all the other members of society he will throw into the trap: “And you, anti-Semitic Jew; and you, Mr. Censor, and you, mister—in the trap!” (34). The playscript notes that this speech is ad-libbed, and Papa Turd can incorporate members of the society in the culture performing the play; the Dover Thrift Editions includes an ad lib performed in New York City in 1952 that condemns such figures as Eleanor Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Shirley Temple and Albert Einstein to the trap (34-36). 

The attention then turns in Scenes 3 and 4, to a hovel outside Warsaw, where peasants are discussing Papa Turd’s power grab. Papa Turd appears at their door demanding they pay taxes; when they say they already have paid, he says he has “changed the government” and all taxes now have to be paid two or three times, so that he can “make [his] fortune in a hurry; then [he will] kill everyone and leave” (38). The peasants refuse to pay, saying, “Up with Buggerlaus!” (38), so Papa Turd brings in his men and destroys the house. 

Papa Turd visits Bordure in Scene 5, as he’s being held in chains in a dungeon in the Fortress of Thorn. Papa Turd claims that Bordure plotted against Papa Turd and is thus being punished. Bordure warns Papa Turd about the consequences of him having “committed more crimes than it would take to damn all the saints in Paradise” in his first five days in power, adding that “[t]he blood of a king and of his nobles cry vengeance, and their cries will be heard” (39). Papa Turd concedes that if Bordure escapes the dungeon, there might be “complications,” but says he doubts that such a thing will actually happen. 

In Scene 6, however, we find Bordure at the palace in Moscow, where, having escaped the dungeon, he has fled to tell Czar Alexis about Papa Turd’s misuse of power and “beg [his] gracious mercy” (39), saying he will “do anything to restore [Buggerlaus] to the throne” (40). The czar appoints Bordure to the Russian army as a second lieutenant and warns him against treachery, but says that if he fights well, he “shall be rewarded” (40). 

Back at Papa Turd’s council-chamber, he, Mama Turd, and the councilors of “phynance” are discussing the king’s financial plans, including how his tax plan is failing. A messenger enters with news of Bordure’s meeting with the czar and the vow that Bordure will “invade your kingdoms and re-establish Buggerlaus,” as well as kill Papa Turd (41). Papa Turd “weeps and sobs” in fear, predicting “this wicked man is going to kill me”; Mama Turd suggests there’s only “one way out”: going to war (41). His men agree “that’s the honorable thing to do,” though Papa Turd fears “that way I’ll get beaten even worse” (41).Papa Turd then agrees to go to war, but says he will only go if he doesn’t have to “pay out a cent” (42). 

Scene 8 finds the Polish army, led by General Lasky, preparing to go to war. The soldiers march off and Papa Turd gets his helmet, breast-plate, and horse, in order to prepare for battle. Turd remains confident as he leaves: “I’m going to war, and I’ll kill everybody” (44). He makes Mama Turd regent in his place, warning her not to rob him. He then leaves Champion Gyron to assist her. 

As the army marches off, Mama Turd reveals her plan, in Scene 11, “to kill Buggerlaus and seize all the treasures of Poland” (45). Mama Turd and Gyron begin to gather up the royal treasures around them while singing a song, but run off and leave the treasures behind when they hear a noise, as they fear Papa Turd has returned.