Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect

Eleven Madison Park received a two-star review from The New York Times when the restaurant first opened, and again when it was re-reviewed in 2005. Normally, a few years pass between reviews, but Frank Bruni, the Times critic, came back to review the restaurant in late 2006, shortly after Guidara and Daniel took over. Even though this visit was high-stakes, Guidara knew that up until that point, the restaurant had already been focusing on steady, intentional improvement, and they kept up that steady approach as their review season continued.

The team strove for excellence in everything they did, knowing that every small detail added up. Guidara, who argues that “the littlest things matter” (120), recounts how the team refined the smallest of subtleties, including the lighting and music of the restaurant, to create the best atmosphere possible. To make waitstaff more efficient but less hurried, they instituted a sign language system that would allow servers to discreetly signal to each other from across the dining room, and they also established traffic patterns to make the staff’s paths through the dining room less hectic.

Guidara explains a concept called the One-Inch Rule which became popular shorthand within EMP. The idea behind the One-Inch Rule is that it is vital for staff to stay present and intentional even, and especially, in the last stretch of any endeavor. For instance, Guidara points out that as a person places a dish down in front a guest, this action represents the final link in a long chain of effort—including all work that has gone into preparing the food. If that person fumbles the dish, they will be letting down everyone in that chain. Therefore, the One-Inch Rule reminded the team that by carrying out their duties with intention, all the way through to the last inch, they were upholding their part in that interconnected chain of service.

Guidara discusses ways to handle conflict at work, drawing on his own experiences running Eleven Madison Park.

His first piece of advice echoes advice typically given to married couples: “Don’t go to bed angry” (133). This phrase became shorthand at EMP to nudge employees to resolve their disagreements before heading home. Guidara notes that in many cases, people who are in conflict with each other just want to be heard rather than agreed with, and so the act of simply listening to one another with respect and attentiveness, can be enough to resolve a conflict.

Another of Guidara’s recommendations to resolve a stalemate is to find a third option rather than going with one person’s solution over the other’s. For example, he and Daniel disagreed over the usefulness of charger plates—plates laid on the table as part of the table setting, but cleared by the servers before the first course arrives. Guidara thought these plates were useless, but Daniel felt the table looked bare without them. To compromise, they found a use for these plates, making custom bowls that would fit perfectly on the plates for the first course.

Guidara admits that there are some instances in which it’s wise to fully concede during a conflict. If a particular decision is more important to one person in the argument than the other, then he advises conceding to their wishes. However, this approach is something that should not be overused or abused by either party.

Lastly, Guidara recommends learning other people’s “tough-love language” (136), a phrase he coined in reference to the concept of love languages. Everyone is suited to different forms of criticism, he says. Some people need criticism to be delivered gently and sensitively. However, others, like Daniel, need someone to be firm, assertive, and loud when delivering criticism in order for the comments to fully land. At the same time, Guidara cautions that no matter the method of sharing criticism, it should always be given in private, without emotion, and it should focus on the behavior rather than the person.