We Must Not Think of Ourselves: A Novel

Adam reflects on the unexpected joy one sometimes feels in the middle of grief and the feelings that accompany this joy. He has felt this way quite often, especially after Kasia passed away. She started having migraines in 1935. It was a tense time politically, and she was also stressed since she and Adam had been trying to conceive with no luck. The couple visited multiple doctors, one of whom even suggested that, being a Polish woman, she would be unable to conceive with a Jewish man. Although Adam knew that this was not rational, and Kasia herself dismissed it, he was disturbed. After moving to the ghetto, Adam asked one of his neighbors who used to be a neurologist about Kasia’s situation. The doctor declared that her death was “sadly predictable,” as the rate of fatal accidents is higher among those with migraines.

Adam interviews 11-year-old Charlotte for the archives. She and her family have always lived in the ghetto and luckily didn’t have to relocate. She tells Adam the story of her older sister, Rachel. Rachel was born out of their father’s first marriage to Charlotte’s mother’s sister. Charlotte’s aunt died in childbirth, after which her mother agreed to marry her father and raise Rachel as her own. Rachel was smart and independent, with dreams of becoming a journalist. Her parents reluctantly sent her to university but pulled her out as soon as they learned of her involvement with a Polish boy.

Even as Charlotte’s parents tried to hastily arrange Rachel’s marriage within the community, Rachel ran away with her boyfriend, leaving behind notes for all her family members. In her note to Charlotte, she encouraged her not to listen to their parents’ ideas of what women should be. That night, Charlotte’s parents told her and Roman the truth about Rachel’s parentage. Charlotte’s mother mourned her sister openly for the first time in years.

Rachel and her husband eventually moved to South Africa and had a baby. Charlotte thinks that she’s lucky for having escaped the current situation. Adam asks Charlotte if she will follow her sister’s advice, but she claims that she wants to marry and have many children; she is not brave like Rachel. Adam asserts that all the children in the ghetto, including Charlotte, are brave.

As spring approaches, there is a typhus outbreak in the ghetto. Many people shave their heads to prevent a lice infestation. Sala shaves her boys’ heads and helps Adam shave his; he finds it both “odd, and oddly pleasurable” to have her shave his head (98). Emil refuses to shave because his position with the Judenrat means that he needs to maintain a certain appearance. Despite her sons’ protestations, Sala decides to shave her head, too, and asks Adam to do it for her. Without her gray hair, Adam notices that Sala looks young and vulnerable.

Some months later, Arkady and Rafel join Adam’s classes, and Szifra starts bringing her younger brothers, Eli and Jakub, as well. In one class, Adam offers a biscuit as a prize to anyone who can recite a poem in English. Filip recites “If” by Rudyard Kipling. The children discuss how the ideas of self-reliance and forgiveness put forth in the poem are simplistic, even ridiculous. Based on their conversation, Adam asks the class to collectively rewrite the poem with their own views, and the children title the piece “How to Survive in the Ghetto” (110). Adam collects their poetry as a keepsake for the archive.

Suddenly, Szifra claims that she has another appointment and leaves class. Through the window, the entire class watches her meet and disappear down a street with a Nazi officer, and Eli runs out after her. Adam walks an anxious Jakub home after class, and Szifra appears to collect him outside their place. She refuses to answer Adam’s questions about her business with the officer. On the way home, Adam is stopped by a guard who questions what Adam is doing outside after curfew. When he learns Adam’s name and realizes that he is Szifra’s teacher, the guard lets him go.

On the way to the Aid Society the next day, Adam passes by Nowak, the Polish guard who sells smuggled goods for inflated prices. He has a message for Adam from Henryk: Henryk wants Kasia’s necklace. He promises that he is getting papers ready for Adam, and to assure Adam of his good intentions, he has sent across a parcel of veal sausages. Adam takes them home and shows them to Sala, who decides that she will cook it just for them. Adam kisses Sala, and although she points out that she is a married woman, she doesn’t protest.

Adam interviews Sala for the archive. She describes her life before she met Emil: She lived a sheltered life raised by religious parents who had 12 children and struggled to make ends meet. Sala went to school and learned to read and write. Reading about the rest of the world in the newspapers made her dream of a fuller life. Sala met Emil in the market one day when she was helping her brother out at his stall. Emil was traveling through, attempting to sell his sewing machines. Emil and Sala were married three weeks later, and Sala was thrilled to leave home.

Emil was kind to Sala and ambitious for both of them. They spent their initial years together traveling and building a business. They bought a house, employed a maid, and lived a comfortable life for some years. However, after Emil’s father passed away, his mother, Reva, came to live with them and completely took over the household. With nothing else to do, Sala decided to finally have children. When Arkady was born, Sala felt like she was experiencing true, actual love for the first time in her life; she felt the same again when Roman was born three years later. For Sala, her children are her life’s purpose. She feels like they are losing a year of their childhood by living in the ghetto, and she and Emil plan to go to Palestine after the current situation abates.

The next morning, Adam carries Kasia’s necklace in his satchel, but Nowak isn’t at his post. Adam runs into Pan Forman, a fellow Oneg Shabbat member. Pan Forman professes that he thinks Ringelblum is a “self-regarding fool” (138). He doesn’t believe that anyone except the Jews cares about what they have to say. Pan Forman opines that the Nazis have exposed the Jews for their failures: There are plenty of Jews letting children starve, even in the ghetto, while they hoard resources for themselves. Pan Forman thinks the “Oneg Shabbat is trying to create a memorial to a hollow people” (140). Adam excuses himself and hurries away. He searches the ghetto for Nowak, contemplating what kind of life outside the ghetto the necklace can buy him.

Adam runs into Sala on the way home, and she invites him to share some freshly baked bread with her; she managed to trade a silk scarf for flour. Adam asks her if she thinks the Jews are rotten, and Sala assumes that this is because he kissed her. Adam apologizes, but Sala confesses that nothing so exciting has happened to her in years. The moment is interrupted by Emil and the boys’ arrival.

Adam interviews Emil for the archive. Emil describes how his family kept a record of their lineage through the paternal line, dating back 300 years. The original parchment was lost in a fire when the Russians pillaged Emil’s neighborhood in Lithuania; luckily, his mother had secretly copied it out, and the copy survived. Emil sings his mother’s praises, claiming that she was a remarkable woman and Jewish wife. He was thrilled to have her come live with them after his father died and claims that Sala was overjoyed to have someone teach her a Jewish wife’s ways. After Arkady and Rafel were born, his mother added their names to the document. Emil hopes to pass it down to them someday.