We'll Always Have Summer

The boys leave, and Belly spends the evening with Anika and Taylor. They lie down to sleep, and when Anika falls asleep, Belly whispers to Taylor, admitting that she thought about kissing him when she was bandaging his leg. Belly shares that she feels freaked out because she is getting married so soon and should not be thinking about kissing anyone but Jeremiah. Taylor reminds her that Conrad is “not other boys. He’s your first love. Your first great love” (224). This makes Belly feel instantly better, chalking her feelings up to nostalgia.

Taylor then tells Belly that Conrad went to see Laurel to convince her to attend Belly’s bridal shower and that she did not tell her because she did not want the information “to get you all mixed up again” (224). Taylor tells Belly that it is not too late to call off the wedding and that she can take some time to figure out her feelings. Taylor falls asleep, and Belly lies awake, thinking about how Conrad is still looking out for her. She gets out of bed and rummages around in her bureau drawer until she finds her glass unicorn.

Belly remembers Susannah dropping all the kids off at the mall once, making Conrad promise to watch out for Belly. Belly goes to the glass-blower’s shop to look at the glass unicorns. Time gets away from Belly, and she arrives late to their meeting spot. She sees Jeremiah and Steven, who tell her that Conrad has gone looking for her. When Conrad returns, he is angry with Belly for not returning on time. Belly cries and tells him about going to the glass-blower’s shop to look at the glass unicorns. Conrad tells her, “From now on, we stick together. Okay?” (228). Later that summer, Belly opens her birthday gift from Conrad and sees that he got her the biggest glass unicorn in the shop.

Conrad is the designated driver for the boys’ night out and is quickly annoyed with Jeremiah and his friends’ obnoxious behavior. When they get to the bar, Steven goes with Conrad to buy the first round of drinks and asks him how he feels about the wedding. Conrad says, “It is what it is” (230). Conrad brings the shots back to the table, and the boys quickly down them. When he returns with another round, he hears one of Jeremiah’s friends say he will finally get to “close with Belly” (231). Conrad is surprised to hear that Jeremiah and Belly have not yet had sex. Another of Jeremiah’s friends teases Jeremiah about being “a virgin now too” (231) because he has not had sex since Cabo with Lacie. Conrad recalls that Jeremiah and Belly were still in a relationship then and grows increasingly angry as the boys’ teasing escalates, recalling how Lacie and Jeremiah locked them all out of their hotel room on the trip. Fighting the urge to punch Jeremiah’s friends and Jeremiah himself, Conrad goes to the bathroom, where he finds Jeremiah puking in a toilet. Conrad leaves, going to wait in the car.

The boys return, and Belly notices that Conrad is not with them. She sees him down the beach and goes to him. Conrad tells Belly that Jeremiah cheated on her in Cabo, and Belly explains that she already knows and that it was just a mistake that they have moved past.

Frustrated, Conrad says, “I never thought you’d be the kind of girl who would put up with that from a guy” (235), and Belly, now defensive, tells him that she put up with a lot worse from him during their time together. This angers Conrad, who reminds her that he never cheated on her. Belly begins to run away, but Conrad follows her and calls out, “I still love you” (236). Belly stops and tells him that he is only bringing this up now that she is getting married.

Conrad explains that after his mother died, he was so angry that he could not treat Belly how she deserved. He tells her that is why he rejected her and pushed her into being with Jeremiah because “if I kept you with me, I was going to hurt you somehow. [...] So I let you go” (238). He goes on to say that spending time with her this summer has brought all of his past feelings to the surface again and then asks Belly to leave Jeremiah for him.

Conrad asks Belly if she still feels anything for him, and she yells at him that she does not, that she is happy with Jeremiah, and that “you and I were never anything” (239). With this, she turns around and walks away, knowing that she cannot look back at Conrad or she will not be able to leave. When she is out of sight, she falls to her knees and cries. Belly gets up, goes inside, and climbs into bed with a sleeping Jeremiah and tells him she loves him.

The next morning Belly cleans the house, worrying about whether she should say anything to Jeremiah about last night. Belly avoids Conrad until they find themselves together in the kitchen. He apologizes for his behavior the night before, claiming he was drunk and can hardly remember what he said. This enrages Belly, who fleetingly imagined leaving Jeremiah for Conrad. She accuses him of lying, telling him not to play with her emotions. Conrad also gets angry, claiming he was trying to save “a little fragment of pride” (243). He says Belly broke his heart and that he still loves her.

With this, Conrad leaves, and Belly stands there, her heart “pounding a million trillion times a minute. I never felt more alive. Anger, sadness, joy. He made me feel it all.” (244). Belly realizes that no one makes her feel like Conrad, and she will always have feelings for him, but she also knows that she cannot walk away from Jeremiah. She considers her options, knowing that leaving Jeremiah for Conrad would mean giving up so much and might cause irreparable harm for their families. Belly decides she cannot do this, especially with Susannah gone.

Conrad drives away from the house, reliving his conversation with Belly. Despite their argument, Conrad feels ecstatic, knowing that Belly loves him too. As he drives, he thinks about what he can do to be with Belly, whether he can ask her to leave with him, knowing she will go. He curses himself for waiting so long to tell her now that she is 24 hours away from marrying his brother.

When he returns to the house, Taylor is sitting on the porch. She asks him what he said to Belly last night because she can see that Belly has been crying. She warns Conrad to leave Belly alone because he is “[treating] her like a toy that you just pick up and play with whenever you feel like it” (248). She tells Conrad he is the only one who can stop the wedding, but if he does, he must be certain that he wants to be with Belly and “be the good guy she says you are” (248). Conrad leaves the conversation still struggling with whether or not to take Belly away from Jeremiah, knowing that if he does, he will be showing that he is not a good guy but that he would have her.

That night, their parents arrive, and everyone has dinner together at a restaurant in town. Belly and Conrad avoid each other’s gazes. Belly reminds herself that this is exactly what she wanted: for Conrad to leave her alone. Jeremiah asks Belly if she is okay and leans over to kiss her. She notices his eyes flicker to the end of the table as he does so, but it is so quick Belly thinks she imagines it.

At dinner, Conrad feels like he is going out of his mind as he watches Jeremiah kiss Belly at the table. After dinner, everyone goes their separate ways, and it is just Conrad and Laurel back at the beach house. She invites him to have a beer with her, and Laurel asks what they should toast. Conrad suggests, “What else? The happy couple” (252), and Laurel asks Conrad how he is doing. Conrad lies, saying he is good, but Laurel sees through this. Conrad admits that the wedding is “pretty much killing [him]” (253), and Laurel apologizes, saying she knows how much he loves Belly. Conrad tries not to cry, and Laurel holds his hand, promising they will get through the weekend together. Laurel says she misses Susannah and that “we really need her right now, don’t we?” (253), and with this, Conrad breaks down in tears.

Belly tosses and turns and finally gives up on sleep, getting into her bathing suit instead and going to the pool to swim laps. She thinks about how her childhood dream of becoming Isabel Fisher will come true tomorrow but that she must tell Jeremiah the truth.

She goes to Jeremiah’s room and tells him that Conrad admitted his feelings for her the night before and that while she did not reciprocate, she knew she had to tell Jeremiah before the wedding. Jeremiah accuses Belly of marrying him to forget about Conrad. Jeremiah admits that he knows Belly saw Conrad over Christmas at Cousins, telling her that Conrad told him he saw her when he got home. He says he waited so long to tell her only because he wanted her to tell him, but she never confessed. Belly tries to explain why she did not tell Jeremiah, explaining that she did not want him to be upset over nothing, and Jeremiah counters, saying that if it had been nothing, Belly would have told him.

Belly apologizes, begging for Jeremiah’s forgiveness and reminding him that they will get married in the morning. Jeremiah says nothing, and Belly reiterates, this time asking if they are still getting married. Jeremiah only says he needs to get out of the house, and when Belly asks if she can go with him, he says no.

Belly wakes to a gray sky and remembers she is supposed to be getting married today if Jeremiah comes back from wherever he went. Belly proceeds to get ready. Laurel knocks on her door, bearing a letter written on Susannah’s signature stationery. Laurel tells Belly she looks beautiful and then admits she is not ready for this: “This isn’t what I wanted for you. But I’m here. This is your wedding day. My only daughter” (260). Laurel gives Belly the letter, telling her that Susannah wanted her to read it on her wedding day, and then leaves. Belly places the letter unopened, and then Steven enters the room. Belly asks him if Jeremiah is back, and he admits that he is not and that Conrad has gone to find him.

Belly finally steps into her wedding dress. Taylor returns from the hair salon, and Belly explains that Jeremiah is gone. Taylor tells Belly that everything is going to be okay, and then Steven reenters the room, saying that Conrad found Jeremiah and brought him back. Steven says that Jeremiah is showering, and then he will be ready to proceed with the ceremony, reminding Belly that it is not too late to back out.

Belly closes her eyes, the worry that Jeremiah would not return giving way to panic that they now will have to go through with the wedding. Steven approaches Belly and tells her, “Go big or go home” (265), which makes Belly laugh so hard that she begins crying. Belly asks them both to leave so she can be alone and think, knowing that everything will make sense “as soon as I saw him” (266).

Conrad wakes up that morning to Steven asking if he knows where Jeremiah is. Conrad sits up, knowing that Belly must have told him everything, and gets out of bed to look for Jeremiah. He finds him at Susannah’s memorial garden.

When Jeremiah sees Conrad, he warns him not to come any closer. Conrad tells him he must return to the house and not keep Belly waiting. Jeremiah lunges at Conrad, accusing him of going after Belly even after he said it was okay for Jeremiah to pursue her. Conrad reminds him that he is not the one who cheated on Belly. Jeremiah punches Conrad in the face, yelling that Conrad has always treated Belly “like garbage. […] [and] left her so many times” (271) and saying how Conrad still cannot even admit out loud that he loves her.

Conrad spits blood and admits to his brother, “Fine. I love her” (271), but explains that she chose Jeremiah. He pulls out a letter from Susannah and gives it to Jeremiah, saying she wrote it for him to read on his wedding day. Jeremiah begins reading and starts to cry before telling Conrad he is going back but not with him and that he wants him gone from his life. Jeremiah throws the letter at Conrad as he walks away, telling him that it is Conrad’s letter, not his. Conrad picks up the letter and starts crying as he reads it.

Belly hears a knock on the door and opens it to see Conrad wearing a darkening bruise on his cheek. She tells him that he must leave as Jeremiah could arrive any minute. Conrad says he has one more thing to say to her and asks, “Do you remember infinity?” (275). He tosses her an infinity symbol necklace, which Belly immediately recognizes. Belly pretends not to know what it is, and Conrad tells her he bought it for her 16th birthday, the last summer they were all together at Cousins Beach. That was the year Belly thought Conrad had forgotten her birthday.

She tries to give it back to him, but Conrad refuses, saying that the necklace has always belonged to her: “You can do whatever you want with it. I just—can’t keep it anymore” (276). Conrad apologizes and says he is not planning to stay for the wedding. He tells Belly that “no matter what happens, it was worth it to me. Being with you, loving you. It was all worth it” (276). He kisses her on the forehead as Belly fights to reach out and touch his face. The moment feels final for Belly: After assuming they would find their way back to one another, Belly feels like she will never see him again. Part of her feels relieved that they have each made their decisions, but a bigger part only feels grief.

Belly recalls the Valentine’s Day she was 16 and Conrad was 18, the year they were dating. Conrad had class until seven, so Belly did not expect to do anything to celebrate the holiday, but that night Belly gets a text from Conrad telling her to look out her window. She does and sees Conrad waving at her, a plaid blanket laid out in the yard. She rushes outside and hugs him, exclaiming her surprise. They lie on the blanket together and look at the stars, Conrad pointing out constellations.

As it gets colder, Conrad asks if Belly wants to go inside, but she says she wants to stay out to see a shooting star. Belly marvels at the beauty of the night sky, saying, “Looking up at the stars like this, it makes me feel like I’m lying on a planet. It’s so wide. So infinite” (281). Conrad tells her he does not think he will ever trust another girl like he trusts Belly, and they each say this will be one of their favorite memories. Reflecting on this memory, Belly thinks that, at the time, they had no idea what lay ahead, but that night Conrad gave her “the moon and the stars. Infinity” (281).

Jeremiah enters soon after Conrad leaves, wearing his wedding outfit. Jeremiah tells Belly that he needed time to think but is ready now. Belly senses an edginess in Jeremiah and asks if they can talk about what happened. Jeremiah says he does not want to talk about it and accuses Belly of still holding back from him even though he returned to marry her.

Belly tries to convince Jeremiah he is not her second choice, but he is unconvinced and states that he cannot marry her after all. Belly tries to compromise, saying they can postpone the wedding and move in together in the fall. Jeremiah asks her, “I know you love me. What I’m asking is, do you love him too?” (284). Belly wants to tell Jeremiah that she will only ever love him but instead says she will always love Conrad, at least a little bit. Jeremiah repeats that he does not want just a part of Belly’s heart and reveals that when he read Conrad’s letter from Susannah, it said that “she only ever got to see him in love once. That was with you” (285). Belly reaches out and touches his cheek, and Jeremiah tells her that he still loves her.

Belly reflects on this moment from the future and recalls that it was one of the biggest moments in her life. She explains that she and Jeremiah did not get married. She admits that sometimes she thinks that they were getting married “to prove something to the other and maybe even to ourselves” (287), but then she revises her thinking, telling herself that they had good intentions and truly did love each other, despite not being meant to be.

The Epilogue begins with Susannah’s letter to Belly. Susannah writes that she pictures Belly around 30 years old and someone who has experienced a lot of adventures in life. She writes that she is sure Belly’s groom is a wonderful man “even if he doesn’t have the last name Fisher!” (289). She closes by expressing her hope that Belly has found a man who makes her happy and tells them to be good to one another.

Belly explains that Susannah’s letter got a few predictions wrong, including that Belly is 23. She explains that after she and Jeremiah broke up, she lived with Anika and later studied abroad in Spain. In Spain, Belly receives her first letter from Conrad, and while she does not write him back at first, she receives a letter every month. She sees Conrad again for the first time at her college graduation, saying, “And I just knew” (289).

On her wedding day, Belly wears a dress she and Laurel picked out together, and she and Conrad are running to his car in the pouring rain. Even though they will be late for their wedding reception, Belly rushes to the car. From the car, she sees Jeremiah and his date. Jeremiah waves at her, and she blows him a kiss.

Belly and Conrad drive to the ocean, holding hands the entire way, and park on the sand. They exit the car, approaching the ocean, and Belly calls out, “Ready?” (291). Conrad responds, “Ready.” Together, they run toward the water. Conrad picks Belly up at the last minute, and she jokes that he cannot Belly Flop her right now. He launches them both into the water. Belly defines the moment as “our start. This is the moment it becomes real. [...] We are infinite. Me and Conrad” (291). Belly is married to the first boy she ever loved.