What I Carry

Zola is the protagonist’s loving, honest, and anxious foster sister. The young girl’s love for Muiriel is apparent in the joyful way she greets her when they reunite at Salishwood: “‘Muiriel!’ Her arms wrapped so tight around my hips that my circulation slowed” (69). During this scene, Muiriel sees that Zola’s “beautiful hair [is] braided and beaded the way it was when I first met her, the way she liked it best” (69). The change in her hairstyle reflects the change in her home life; Zola is back with her relatives rather than the white foster mother she and Muiriel lived with at the start of the novel. However, Zola worries that this positive change may be only temporary. She lives with the fear that she will be placed back in the foster care system, and her worries mount when her previous foster mother accuses her of stealing a gold bracelet. Muiriel knows without a doubt that the honest Zola is innocent, and she tells their social worker and the police as much: “‘Joellen, tell them!’ I turned to the cop. ‘This child does not steal; she never would’” (295). Eventually, Zola is vindicated when Muiriel proves her innocence. Through Zola’s experiences, Longo illustrates some of the worries facing children placed in foster care.

As the protagonist’s foster sister, Zola contextualizes Muiriel’s connections to others despite her determination to remain isolated and detached, underscoring Muriel’s character arc, moving through The Process of Healing and Letting People in. Muiriel’s relationship with Zola is one of the first indications that the protagonist yearns for attachments with others even though she is wary of them. She asks Joellen to check in on the 10-year-old and maintains a close bond with her foster sister even after they begin living in different homes. The love and trust between the foster sisters foreshadow the connections Muiriel eventually forms with her chosen family on the island. In addition, the Allen wrench that Zola and Muiriel exchange back and forth represents connection, emphasizing the way in which the dynamic protagonist allows herself to grow closer to people over the course of the story. Near the end of the novel, Muiriel risks her future to protect her foster sister when she takes the blame for the missing gold bracelet. Longo utilizes this critical moment in the narrative to highlight Muiriel’s courage and perseverance, the support and loyalty she’s earned from her friends on the island and call attention to the ways the foster care system can disproportionately impact children of color. Muiriel knows that the foster mother’s accusation is racially motivated: “That foster mom blamed Zola because she was the only black kid in the house” (305). Through Zola, Longo illuminates aspects of the foster care system that the white protagonist does not directly experience.

The nurturing, fair, and concerned Francine is the protagonist’s final foster parent. Muiriel offers the following description when she is first introduced to her new foster mother in Chapter 3: “Almost as small as Joellen, maybe in her sixties, a white lady with graying dark hair piled in a bun, wearing a plaid apron over a soft body in jeans and a gray sweater” (22). From the outset, Francine is nurturing and welcoming toward Muiriel, preparing an elaborate afternoon tea for her foster daughter and encouraging her to unpack. Francine’s fairness allows Muiriel to feel safe with her and immediately lays the groundwork for trust between them. The woman is direct in her communication and reasonable in her expectations. For example, Francine asks Muiriel to be more upfront with her when she learns that her foster daughter has already started an internship at Salishwood: “‘Just ask first. Too soon for this nonsense if you’re planning to stay with me all year. Agreed?’ Straightforward. Calling [Muiriel] on [her] shit. But still—kind. Refreshing” (50). Francine’s straightforward communication helps Muiriel feel at ease around her because she knows what her foster mother expects. Francine’s concern about her foster daughter underscores their growing bond. In Chapter 12, she experiences great fear when the ever-punctual Muiriel returns home late from a date, telling Muiriel: “[T]he first thing I thought when you missed curfew was Well, she’s dead. I lost one. I’m not angry at you. Do you understand?” (158). Francine’s concern for Muiriel also motivates her to stand up for her foster daughter when she confronts the high school principal and the police officer who searches Muiriel’s room. Francine consistently demonstrates nurturing love, fairness, and concern toward her foster daughter in both word and deed.

Over the course of the novel, Francine recognizes in Muiriel The Power of Resilience and Perseverance and catalyzes The Process of Healing and Letting People in for her by becoming her true family. The patient Francine has decades of experience as a foster parent, so she understands that Muiriel’s healing is a slow, gradual process. Francine’s own perseverance mirrors Muiriel’s. Although she “wanted kids desperately” (265), she postponed this lifelong dream for the sake of a man who eventually left her. She tells Muiriel: “I woke up one day and I was forty years old. And he woke up that same day and told me he had changed his mind. He didn’t want kids. Or me” (265). After her husband divorces her, Francine shows great resilience by channeling her love for children into foster parenthood. Francine has taken care of many children over the years, but Muiriel is the first she has wanted to adopt. Thus, Muiriel’s decision to stay in extended foster care with Francine is healing for both characters. The unconditional love Francine offers Muiriel advances the themes of perseverance and healing.

The creative, guilt-wracked, and loyal Kira is the protagonist’s best friend. When she is first introduced in Chapter 4, Muiriel notes that Kira is Japanese, has “[b]lack hair in a high bun” and “very pierced ears” (27), and that “inked across both her forearms and shoulders were elaborate, beautiful tattoos that would have taken years—ocean waves, birds, and words, and across her clavicles, a pine branch with cones” (27). Kira designs her tattoos herself, and her beautifully decorated baked goods, paintings, and sculptures also demonstrate her artistic skills. Kira’s character arc is one of forgiveness and self-acceptance. Despite her impressive abilities, Kira drops out of art class due to the cruel bullying of Tiana and Katrina. She endures this torment for over a year because she believes she deserves it: “I’m not self-flagellating; this is what I deserve [...] For being them. In California. [...] I cared about what I wanted, which was cutting class to get high and surf with my cool, fucking drunk and high friends” (235). Kira takes responsibility for her actions and becomes a kind, loyal person after she moves to the island. She is the first friend that Muiriel makes there, and Kira remains a steadfast companion to Muiriel even though the protagonist is reluctant to let people in. Kira possesses many admirable qualities, including creativity and loyalty, but she finds it difficult to let go of the guilt she carries.

Kira is one of the story’s most important supporting characters, contributing levity (she and Muiriel share a fondness for sarcasm) to the narrative tone, and pathos to the plot through the bullying she experiences at school and the support and friendship she offers to Muiriel. Additionally, Kira contributes to the theme of The Process of Healing and Letting People in by helping Muiriel feel at home on the island. Muiriel makes the following observation about her best friend in Chapter 14: “No one had ever been so nice to me. And I hadn’t ever liked any friend nearly so much” (179). Their friendship also changes Kira, who comes to believe that she deserves better than Katrina and Tiana’s cruelty and transfers back into art class. Like Muiriel, Kira is engaged in her own healing process, Her past is marked by substance abuse and self-destructive behavior. Kira contributes to some of the most significant developments for the plot and the themes. For example, she untangles most of the knots in the gold chain, helps to convince Muiriel to stay on the island by providing her with a surrogate family, and accompanies Muiriel on the road trip that comprises the story’s happy ending.