54 pages • 1 hour read
Jennifer LongoWhat I Carry
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2020A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Process of Healing and Letting People in
Over the course of the novel, Muiriel’s character arc follows a trajectory from isolation to connection as she goes through the vital but complex process of healing and letting people in. Having lived her entire life in the foster care system, her experiences have taught her to self-protect against additional trauma and abandonment. She spends the first four years of her life with a couple that she thinks of as her parents, and with whom she was “so happy [and] comfortable. [Joellen] let [her] call them Mom and Dad because they insisted they were going to adopt [her]. But still they just kept…waiting. For something” (268). Ultimately, the couple sends Muiriel away once they learn they are having a biological child even though Muiriel’s chances of being adopted at her age are abysmal. Being used as a last resort and then discarded by people she considered her parents leaves Muiriel reluctant to get close to people again. Adding to her distrust of adoption, another couple nearly adopts her when she is in third grade and then changes their minds after she develops sleeping problems. Because Muiriel has been hurt and abandoned repeatedly when she lets people in, she learns to keep emotional distance from others.
After Muiriel moves to her final foster home on the island, she encounters a number of supporting characters able to penetrate the layers of self-protective independence Muiriel has so carefully built around herself, catalyzing the healing process. Kira, Sean, and Francine each chip away at the rules Muiriel imposes upon herself in an effort to self-protect. One of these rules states, “I can have friends but can’t let myself ‘life or death’ depend on them or let them ‘life or death’ depend on me” (33). Kira becomes the best friend Muiriel has ever had. She helps the protagonist navigate the high school’s social hierarchy, gives her someone she can completely trust, and works to untangle the gold chain necklace—a symbol for Muiriel past hurt and abandonment. Additionally, Kira helps persuade Muiriel to stay on the island near the end of the story by taking her to the memorial—a place significant to Kira and her family—and telling Muiriel that she includes her in that family.
Sean’s romantic love for Muiriel also plays an important part in her healing process. In Chapter 4, Muiriel reminds herself that she “can go out with boys but not date them” (33). However, in Chapter 12, she breaks that rule when she goes out with Sean, saying: “Not a date. Not a date. Fuck that. I want this to be a date” (153). Sean gains her trust by standing up for her with Natan and wins her heart through thoughtful, romantic gestures like the solstice nature walk. He understands that her healing process requires time, and he wants to be a part of it, telling her: “I want to take even the smallest part of this weight you carry every second” (282). Sean’s admiration and love help Muiriel open up more and discover aspects of herself she’s never experienced before.
Muriel completes her character arc when she allows Francine to help her establish a more permanent life on the island among her chosen family. Muiriel’s third rule states she “can have foster parents but cannot let them adopt her” (33). By the end of the story, Muiriel accepts extended foster care with Francine and even considers adoption a possibility. This remarkable change occurs because Francine shows her foster daughter unconditional love during times of crisis, such as when Terry Johnson is poisoned. Just as important are all of the small moments of patience, understanding, and care that make Muiriel feel safe and at home with her foster mother. Sean, Kira, and Francine all have a hand in Muiriel’s healing process, leading to her decision to make her permanent home on the island.
The Power of Resilience and Perseverance
Muiriel’s experiences in the foster care system provide evidence of her character and the power of resilience and perseverance. The protagonist requires these qualities in abundance because her life is marked by inconsistency and uncertainty. As the novel opens, she describes herself as “a cradle-to-age-outer, which is kind of rare” and gives her “time to accumulate the uniquely high twenty placements [she’s] lived in” (10). Indeed, one of the few constants in Muiriel’s life is change. Longo’s novel differs from many stories with orphaned protagonists in that Muiriel doesn’t see adoption as a happy ending or even an end goal, highlighting her belief that she must only depend upon herself. Even when she meets Francine and begins to trust her, she holds tight to her resolve to remain emotionally detached from others in order to safeguard her future freedom: “[V]ery soon, the second [she] age[s] out, [she] [will] have no help from anyone at all. Relying on [Francine’s] kindness now [will] make [her] life a million times harder than when [she] had only [herself]” (159). Muiriel is keenly aware of the clock ticking down until she ages out of the foster care system, and she wields her resilience and perseverance like armor to protect her and keep her focused on her goal of independence.
Throughout the story, Muiriel perseveres in the face of hardship. As she observes to Francine in Chapter 19, she’s “not lazy; [she doesn’t] just sit around waiting for the world to be good to [her], [she doesn’t] depend on anyone else, [she has] to take care of [herself]” (275). Muiriel demonstrates this resilience by taking steps to protect her future and holding onto hope despite the grim statistics about people who age out of the system. Her perseverance also sees her through moments of crisis, such as when she defends herself against Natan and when she steps up and takes control of the situation with Zola and the gold bracelet. Over and over, Muiriel “refuse[s] to let the stupid circumstance of [her] birth ruin [her]” (12). The ultimate challenge for Muiriel in her arc is to learn to retain those strengths of character without letting them isolate her from those she loves and who love her.
In time, Muiriel realizes that asking for help is a form of resilience rather than its antithesis. Even though she has ample reasons to distrust adults, she goes to authority figures to advocate for herself and others. For example, she tells Jane about Natan’s attempted assault, and she goes with Kira to the principal to report Tiana and Katrina for bullying. Through these courageous actions, the resilient teenager refuses to let the ill intentions of others have the final say over her and her friends’ lives. In Chapter 19, Francine offers Muiriel the possibility of extended foster care. She exhorts Muiriel: “[T]hree more years is nothing—but it could make everything possible for you. Let us help you. Let me help you” (276). Initially, Muiriel rejects this offer because it goes against the independence she believes is synonymous with resilience and survival. However, she later realizes that accepting the help she needs to reach her goals is not a weakness. Longo’s protagonist offers an inspiring example of perseverance, and her story demonstrates that people bonded by trust, love and support are stronger together.
Finding Solace in Nature
Muiriel’s practice of finding solace in nature stems from the connection she feels to Scottish-born naturalist, John Muir. Longo’s fictional story weaves in excerpts from the writings of the real-life historical figure. Muir understood the healing power of the wilderness from personal experience due to the abuse he survived in his childhood: His “own father beat the crap out of his son until, by the age of eleven, he had memorized and could recite every word of the Old Testament, and most of the New” (35). Muir’s father forced him to work in a factory where an accident temporarily blinded him. This incident increased Muir’s appreciation for nature:
He hid for months in a blackened room, scared he would never see again. When he emerged, depressed but with his sight miraculously restored, he was so grateful and hungry to see every tree and mountain and river and lake and ocean and blade of grass, he swore never to live within walls again if he could help it. He walked outside and did not stop (39).
Through his advocacy work, Muir became the father of the national parks, and his legacy has allowed countless others to find solace in nature.
In Longo’s novel, Muir’s writings and the parks he protected help Muiriel and Sean find peace and healing amidst their losses and hardships. Nature offers Muiriel a comforting constant as she’s shuffled between foster homes. She believes that with “[o]ne walk outside [she is] always home, beneath the same sky. Alone is not lonely” (3). Longo crafts beautiful settings rich in nature for her protagonist to explore. Muiriel feels safest and most herself when she is at Salishwood Environmental Education Center, where she can hike among forests and observe the island’s flora and fauna. At Salishwood, “birds [sing], sunlight stream[s] through the dense branches to clover and ferns on the forest floor. [Muiriel’s] never felt more Muir” (38). Like Muiriel, Sean also finds healing in nature. His parents are both rangers. Sean describes his trip to Yosemite National Park with his mother after the loss of his father. His mother “took [him] out of school for a year and [they] went to California, to the Sierra Nevada. [They] just walked into the woods and…stayed. Till [they] felt better” (123). At the end of the novel Sean and Muiriel plan to hike the John Muir Trail in Yosemite together bringing the plot full circle. Muiriel notes that Sean “want[s] to walk with [her] on the path where he and his mom found a way to keep his dad in them for always, and learned to live without him” (312). Sean’s experience of the wilderness reflects John Muir’s belief that there is no sorrow on earth that the earth cannot mend. Both Muiriel and Sean aspire to become rangers so that they can protect the wilderness that protected them, allowing others to find solace in nature. Longo’s novel encourages her readers to appreciate nature and experience the comfort it offers for themselves.
