When We Collided

“‘There’s no point in guilt-tripping. She can’t make herself feel better. I can’t make her feel better—none of us can. The least we can do is not make it worse.’” 

Jonah sums up his, Silas, and Naomi’s attitude towards their mother’s grief. They are young but they too are grieving. They realize no one can make her feel better, so they simply try to make things as easy for her as they can. 

“With all her professed gratitude, my mom must understand that we’re doing her job. The three of us older kids are trying to make up for two parents, day in and day out. I’d probably try to shake my mom awake if she didn’t look breakable.” 

This passage establishes both Jonah’s maturity and his resignation to the situation. Although Jonah recognizes his mother’s grief and the Daniels children's attempts to fill their parents’ shoes, he realizes that it will never be enough. Jonah is both angry and sad for his mother—he loves her but resents her for abandoning them. 

“‘I’m Vivi. I’m sixteen, almost seventeen, and I just moved here for the summer, and I live on Los Flores Drive. My favorite color is blue, and I love dogs and ice cream and laughing so hard that I almost pee my pants.’” 

Vivi’s introduction to Leah is the catalyst for the rest of the story. Leah immediately likes her and as a result, Vivi is invited to the Daniels residence. Vivi is composed of contradictions; she takes herself too seriously and yet, not at all. Jonah falls for her quickly. 

“Most days, I feel like I’m barely holding it all together. But if my littlest sister can believe that her life is good despite having no dad and a ghost of a mom, then it’s worth it. Good weird.” 

Jonah struggles under the weight of all the expectations and responsibilities that being his siblings’ caretaker implies. Despite this, Jonah is proud of how happy Leah is, how he is able to still give her a good life in spite of their tragic circumstances.

“Hmm. Detached, totally nonflirty. Jonah, Jonah, Jonah—you are only encouraging me. It’s like being at an animal shelter, where I want to be the one the most skittish dog takes a liking to.” 

Vivi has her sights set on Jonah. Despite Jonah’s reticence and inability to flirt, Vivi resolves to get him to flirt back. Her single-minded focus here is not unlike her determination to sit with Officer Hayashi for breakfast. 

“I shift into my cooking trance easily. When my mind is juggling all the steps in a recipe, I can’t think about anything else. Well, I guess I could, but I’d screw up the food. Every time I finish one task—mix dough so it has time to rise, defrost pepperoni—my mind adds another task onto the end of the list. My hands have to move to keep up with the ongoing tasks. I like making a whole meal at once because it’s even more complicated than just an entrée. Tonight, I’ll make a salad and a dessert, too.” 

Lord introduces Jonah’s love for cooking in the above passage. While he is in the kitchen, Jonah is able to relax, to throw himself into the process, and feel closer to his father. Jonah wants to go to culinary school and become a chef one day. This passage makes it clear that Jonah is serious about his goals.

“When I met Jonah Daniels yesterday, there was a magical shift in the trajectory of my summer. He’s the ring to my Frodo, the wardrobe to my Lucy Pevensie. His presence in my life sets me on my journey, and I can feel it, a vital mission pulsing in my bones. Here is a boy who needs me.”

This is undoubtedly an unhealthy view of their relationship. Vivi initially sees Jonah as nothing more than a project, something to work on and amuse her throughout the summer. This perspective changes when Vivi comes to know Jonah; they both fix one another.

“Here is something I never expected to feel: love at first sight for an entire family. But life surprises you. It tells you to close your eyes and blow out the candles, and then sometimes smashes your face into the cake before you can even make a wish. But! Sometimes, every once in a while, you get your wish in. You wish for a boy to spend the summer with, and instead life gives you his whole beautiful family.” 

Vivi’s warmth and generosity is embodied in the above passage. Her love for people and for the Daniels household is especially clear. Although Vivi seems to be friends with many people in Verona Cove, the Daniels have a special place in her heart. It is for this reason that Vivi comes to visit them all and say goodbye before she leaves. This passage also exemplifies the change in her relationship with Jonah. Vivi initially imagined him as a project, but their connection is far deeper than that.

“‘Because it’s all so fleeting, isn’t it? The ocean existed so long before us and will stay long after us—most trees, too, and some animals. Isn’t that crazy? My dress collection will live longer than I ever will.’ I can’t help the sigh that slips out. Oh, how I’d love to be eternal in one life. ‘I’m just looking for some kind of permanence, so my mark will linger on the world once I’m gone, in the places where I found joy.’” 

Vivi is uncomfortable with her mortality. She conceptualizes her lifespan to that of her things and the natural world around her; Vivi realizes how short the human life truly is. Instead of trying to leave the most visible marks on the world, Vivi is only focused on leaving parts of herself in the places that brought her joy. Vivi also leaves marks on the people who bring her happiness.

“‘I know I act like I don’t have a care in the world […] but, Jonah, I’ve prowled the dirtiest back alleys of sadness, okay? And I know what it’s like to fight for your life on those mean streets. So if you need someone to vent to or someone to be quiet with or someone to talk your ear off, I can be that person. I’m not scared of the dark places.’” 

Vivi offers to be whatever Jonah needs. She reassures him that she does not frighten easily; Vivi is familiar with depression and sadness, she is thus able to discuss Jonah’s grief and anger with him without judging him. This results in a deeper connection between the two teenagers. 

“But lithium isn’t the brand name; it’s a chemical element abbreviated Li on the periodic table, but I think it should be Line because it collected my highs and lows into a nice, flat line. But I’m better now. I’m best, even! Besides, I still take my other pill because that one keeps the shadow creatures at bay. Last year, they curled their inky arms around me until my Technicolor world became crackling gray static. Until I felt nothing but blankness. My phone buzzes in my bag, and I’m delighted to see that it’s Jonah, who is one of several elixirs I use. When I kiss him, it’s like a sedative, a warm feeling that rushes through my whole body and soothes my busy brain.” 

In the above section, the reader learns the exact nature of the pill that Vivi has been throwing into the ocean. The small glimpse into Vivi’s diagnosis also allows the reader to better understand her bipolar disorder and the bouts of both depression and hypomania that Vivi struggles with. This passage is also concerning as, instead of taking her medication, Vivi has been self-medicating with adventures and people. She treats Jonah as a cure, instead of as a person.

“I’m not judging her—I don’t want it to sound like I am—because I understand; I do. My mom wants someone to love her, and I recognize that having a daughter who loves you is not enough and that she craves to be adored by a steady, interesting, kindhearted man. I’m not saying I think going home with randoms is the best way to figure it out, but it might be fun and it’s certainly better than staying home and meeting no one.” 

Vivi’s maturity is showcased in this passage. She understands that her mother, Carrie, wants a romantic relationship. This level of maturity is lost once Vivi reaches the peak of her hypomania. Instead of understanding the possible reasons Carrie might have for keeping the identity of Vivi’s father secret, Vivi ransacks her underwear drawers in search of his name.

“‘I’m just trying to hold it together.’” 

Naomi explains to Jonah why she has no wish to make friends with Vivi. Although Jonah is sure that they would like each other, he realizes then that Naomi has been struggling and worrying about their family for longer than he has. Jonah gains a deeper appreciation for his older sister and her feelings.

“So why do I wish I wish I wish I could take a picture of me and Jonah and send it to Ruby and Amala and say this is falling in love with someone GOOD and it is so good.” 

Vivi desperately wants to talk to her friends about Jonah. Unlike Ruby’s later text to Vivi about her girlfriend, however, Vivi is seemingly more focused on telling them about what falling in love with someone is like. Her self-centeredness is part of her character, and it becomes more evident in small moments like these.

“Oh my God, it is him. Oh my God, this man is my dad, and he hates me, and his family doesn’t know about me. I want to say no, YOU can’t be here. This can’t be happening. You can’t be this ridiculous person, this boring non-rock-star professor, with a life that is all neatly formed. He’s not a wild musician with a drifter’s heart. He’s a regular man. He’s a regular, responsible old man?!” 

While Vivi is often mature and frequently wise, she is still a naïve child. Vivi is self-centered, a trait that is exacerbated when she refuses to take her medication, and the knowledge that her father is utterly unremarkable upsets her greatly.

“I claw my fingers down the portrait, and my nails dig up thin lines of paint. Because it’s too late. There are already things of his that are mine—my goddamn eyes, which I want to scrape out of my head after meeting him. Maybe every time in my life that I’ve been hideously selfish… maybe that wasn’t the teenage self-centeredness that my mom mutters about. Maybe that’s him shining through. Maybe I’m also genetically predisposed to be an abandoner, a narcissist, a liar.” 

Several of Vivi’s fears come true in different ways. Vivi’s character is naturally narcissistic and self-centered. Although she wants to get to know people and to help them, Vivi cares more about herself and her wants than other people. In this way, her worst fear has already come true. However, Vivi seems to be looking for excuses for her behavior; it becomes clear that she is aware of her flaws, but while her own mental health is suffering, she is unable to fix them.

“Honestly, the sensitivity. Get over it, you know? I don’t appreciate how often people hide their scars and doubts. Really, it’s not fair to people who are struggling, to go on believing that everyone else just has it totally together and never has one bad thought in their lives. Like, I know you people sometimes lie awake at night torturing yourselves over the atrocities in this world and mortality and meaning. I know you’re not just daydreaming about riding a pink pony to your job as a cupcake taster.” 

The above passage is an example of the hypocrisy Vivi is often guilty of. Vivi focuses just as much, if not more, on her external appearance and the illusion of happiness. Vivi literally hides her scars and tattoos that she regrets. Even though the people she condemns frustrate Vivi, she is also one of them.

“The engine growls, and I stand up on the bike as it lurches forward and the wind grabs my skirt, and I yell “AYE-YI-YI!” because I am made of moondust and twinkle lights, because I’m impervious to the shortsighted mortality of my peers, to their finite days on this planet that they spend being closed-off and insecure and inert. No, no, no, I am more than this world, as wide as the trees all around me. Huzzah! My grip loosens and my legs compress for a moment, like springs of a coil pressed down. When they release, the tension pushes me up, and I’ve done it. I’m airborne and weightless and soaring and free.” 

This passage depicts the height of Vivi’s mania, as well as her subsequent fall. Although the reader is not given the gory details of Vivi’s plummet back to earth, one is forced to imagine it. Vivi has reached a state of mania wherein logic has ceased to exist. Vivi can only attempt to chase the things that will bring her joy in the moment, unable to think about the possible consequences.

“Over my mom’s shoulder, I see the red neon sign through tear-blurred eyes: EXIT. It’s what I want. This is the place where my father died, and all I want is to start moving away from the darkness it left in our lives.

‘Let’s go home, okay?’ I point my mom toward the exit, and I guide us out. It’s what I’ve been trying to do all along.”

This passage depicts the turning point in Jonah and his mother’s relationship. After Mrs. Daniels has to pick Jonah up from the hospital, they speak candidly about how much he misses her. Jonah’s brush with death forces Mrs. Daniels to realize how much her children need her.

“I sat in front of the computer, head in my hands. She’s been different the past week. Should I have known? Did I take advantage of her, without knowing it? I absolutely didn’t mean to. Will she feel different about me now? I know it’s not about me, but I’m the only person I’m in charge of. And I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.” 

The question of consent is posed here. Jonah is unsure if he has taken advantage of Vivi in her mental state. However, moments in the past, where Vivi chooses to have sex while Jonah just wants to talk, are also moments worthy of this discussion. 

“‘Yeah, you get a gift basket,’ Ellie says. ‘Because depression fucking sucks.’” 

Ellie’s candidness about the dreadful nature of depression is refreshing. While Vivi talks about it in more poetic terms and Mrs. Daniels equates it to exhaustion, Ellie states an objective fact. This comforts Vivi and she begins to trust and like Ellie for the first time. 

“Since January, I’ve been trying to believe that we’ll survive. And here, tonight, is the first time it occurs to me: I think we’ll more than survive. I think we’ll be good. Maybe even great. I know the restaurant is not my dad. I know that his legacy is more than the bricks and mortar. I know that making oatmeal for my family isn’t going to single-handedly save them from heart disease. And I know that making Vivi pie isn’t going to fix what she’s going through. But the point is that trying to make things better sometimes makes us better, too. The point is I’m trying to create good things in the midst of the bad. Grief or no grief. And in my case, it’s still somewhere in between.”

The unveiling of Tony’s Bistro and its new menu brings the Daniels family back together. It is the new chapter for both the restaurant and for Jonah and his family. While the bones of the restaurant have stayed the same, things have changed for the better. Jonah realizes that some things are not in his power, but he still tries to make the best out of what he has. 

“‘When we collided, we bounced each other back into orbit. And now we have to do that—we have to return to our own paths because that’s what we gave each other.’”

Vivi compares the relationship between Jonah and her to planets. She has to return to Seattle to get better and to patch things with her friends. Jonah, on the other hand, will stay in Verona Cove with his family. They are extremely different people and instead of mourning what will come to an end, Vivi is grateful for what they have given each other.